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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25521637">i want you to want me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodchoc_magnum/pseuds/woodchoc_magnum'>woodchoc_magnum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bottom Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz Needs a Hug (9-1-1 TV), Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Post Season 3, Rough Sex, Smut, Stalker AU set in canon verse, Stalking, Top Eddie Diaz, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:08:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>57,473</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25521637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodchoc_magnum/pseuds/woodchoc_magnum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Hello, you.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>In which Eddie finds himself on the receiving end of some unwanted attention while he and Buck are trying to figure things out, and shit gets real, yo.</p><p>Inspired by the Netflix show 'You'.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>545</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had this idea in my head and I just needed to get it out of there. Don't worry - there's no real violence and nobody is going to get raped (we don't do rape, it's not cool), this is mostly Eddie-in-peril-while-Buck-tries-to-save-him.</p><p>I will put trigger warnings in the end notes (for the chapters I think need them - this chapter is trigger warning free) - but if stalking is a trigger, turn back now.</p><p>Otherwise, I hope you enjoy!</p><p>Thanks as always to SevenSoulMates for being my cheerleader. ❤</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> <em>  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cover art, with thanks, by <a href="https://ronordmann.tumblr.com/">Ronordmann</a> 💖</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>~*~*~*~*~*~*~</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Hello, you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Granted, I'm not looking my best – I'm trapped in my car, the engine of which is smoking, in a pile-up on the 405 freeway – my airbag went off and I've got blood running down my face, but that doesn't matter right now.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What matters is you – you're here to save me. You're a firefighter; you're wearing a helmet which obscures your beauty somewhat, but not enough that I can't see your eyes. And what beautiful eyes you have.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You knock on my window and ask me if I'm okay – I'm nodding, even though it kind of hurts to nod, and then you tell me in a calm, reassuring voice that you're going to get me out of the car; that everything will be okay and that I'll be taken to the hospital.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But if I'm taken to the hospital, I won't get to spend any more time with you, and you are <span class="u">spectacular</span>. You're well-built, but not too muscular. I hate that ripped stripper look on guys, you know? You're not like that; you're fit and healthy. You're clearly confident - in fact, I'm less worried about the chaos all around when you're here, because I know you'll take care of me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What is your name? How do I find out your name? Your helmet says 118 – that must be the number of your firehouse. I can't ask you your name; that's weird – or maybe you'll think it's endearing, the loopy, possibly-concussed victim trying to make a connection.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You can't get my door open – that figures; I'm jammed in between a car and the guardrail. I'm not scared though, not with you here. You knock on the glass window and tell me you're going to break it, and that I need to turn my head away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, so long as you're still here when I turn back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The glass shatters. I lift my head, and you're leaning in through the window, checking my pulse. I say hi, you chuckle and say hi back – wow, what a smile. I ask you your name – you don't answer at first, but then you say, "It's Eddie. Please stay still."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nice to meet you, Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Hey," Buck said, leaning against the lockers. "Want to get a drink tonight?"</p>
<p>Eddie nodded, exhausted. They'd been working cleaning up the pile-up on the 405 most of the day – dozens of injuries, but no fatalities, and a hell of a mess. He and Buck had just been through one of the more physically draining days in a few weeks, and they were both worn out. An ice cold beer would go down <em>very well</em>.</p>
<p>"Where's Chris?"</p>
<p>"He's with Abuela tonight," Eddie replied, unbuttoning his shirt. "I called from the freeway; I had a feeling we'd go late. Carla dropped him off. I'll pick him up in the morning." It was late, nearly 10pm, and Christopher would be long asleep. He'd make it up to him by taking him to McDonalds for lunch.</p>
<p>"I'll drive," Buck offered. "You can crash at my place, if you want."</p>
<p>Eddie glanced at him. That had been happening more frequently lately – a couple of times a month, he and Buck would go out, get a little drunk and end up back at the loft. Eddie usually slept on the couch – <em>usually</em> – but two weeks ago, almost to the day, he and Buck had… crossed a line.</p>
<p>Well, they hadn't so much 'crossed a line' as they'd vaulted across it, together, and ended up having sex on Buck's couch – they hadn't even made it upstairs to the bed. The longer Eddie reflected on it, the more grateful he was that they'd made it as far as the couch – comfort had been the last thing on his mind that night. He'd practically ripped Buck out of his clothes once they were inside the apartment.</p>
<p>Why had it happened? Well, that was a tricky question. Maybe it was the fact that Eddie hadn't slept with anyone in over a year; hadn't been touched or held and he was desperate for any kind of connection with another human being. Maybe it was the fact that he'd been thinking about Buck differently for a while… since he'd seen that video of Buck clawing at the ground after he'd been buried alive, maybe? They'd never talked about <em>that.</em></p>
<p>Or maybe it was the fact that sometimes he caught Buck gazing at him fondly, and sometimes he found himself looking for him in a crowd of people, only to find Buck's eyes already on him. Maybe it was because they spent all their free time together; that Buck came with them to family events, weekend outings and spent the night at their house a few times a week.</p>
<p>Maybe it was because they both got blind drunk, came back to Buck's and practically had sex up against the door before Eddie had the presence of mind to drag them into the living room.</p>
<p>In the morning, Buck made them breakfast, the scratch marks on his back only just visible over the neck of his t-shirt.</p>
<p>Two days later he sent Eddie a copy of his STI test results with the message: <em>Ready if you are.</em></p>
<p>Three days after that, Eddie sent his own copy with the message: <em>All yours.</em></p>
<p>Other than that, they hadn't spoken about it, and they hadn't hooked up since, but… it was going to happen tonight, of that he was sure, and there was a pleasant tingle of anticipation deep down inside his belly as he went into the showers.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>The bar was dead. It was around eleven when they arrived, after stopping off for a burger on the way over. Buck ordered them a couple of beers and joined Eddie at a table in the back, sliding a bottle over to him. They always enjoyed the first couple of sips in silence, savouring it, but soon Buck had both elbows on the table, bright blue eyes blazing, clearly itching to tell him something.</p>
<p>"What's up?" Eddie asked him.</p>
<p>"Bobby said something to me this morning that I can't stop thinking about."</p>
<p>"What's that?"</p>
<p>"He said, how come you don't date anymore? And I said, it's been a rough year, I'm still getting back on my feet, don't want to rush into anything. And he said that I spend all my time with <em>you</em>." Buck arched an eyebrow at him, and Eddie couldn't help but grin. "And I said, well, Eddie's my friend, and Bobby said, the clock is ticking if you want to meet a nice girl and have a family."</p>
<p>The smile faded from Eddie's face. "Did he really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, but he said it in that really paternal way; that <em>I'm-just-looking-out-for-you</em> way," Buck replied.</p>
<p>He could almost hear the conversation as if he'd been present for it – Bobby, with good intentions and his heart in the right place, had a bad habit of overstepping with Buck, and that often sent him into a tailspin.</p>
<p>"What do you want?" Eddie asked him, self-doubt creeping in. Sure, they'd had drunken sex together and spent the night on Buck's couch, and in the morning Buck had awakened him with soft kisses to his lips, and they'd had a shower together and gotten off <em>again</em>, but that didn't really mean anything. If Buck wanted to date other people, then… what was he going to do about it?</p>
<p>One night of drunken, passionate sex didn't mean that they were anything more than friends.</p>
<p>Buck said, "I think you know what I want."</p>
<p>He <em>thought</em> he did, but he had no idea how to do any of this. They'd kind of just fallen into it. He swigged his beer and said, "Do you want kids?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded.</p>
<p>"Do you want… a wife?"</p>
<p>"I want a partner," he replied carefully.</p>
<p>"So what gender they are doesn't matter to you as much."</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"So if it was a man, for example," Eddie said quietly, his eyes lingering on Buck's, "who maybe already had a kid, you'd be cool with that."</p>
<p>Buck nodded slowly. "Especially if that kid was the greatest kid on the planet."</p>
<p>"And maybe that man with a kid wants more kids as well."</p>
<p>"Maybe?" his voice lifted hopefully.</p>
<p>Eddie gave a nod, swigging his beer again. Fuck, why couldn't they just… talk about it without it having to be in hypotheticals? Something was holding him back from saying, <em>Buck, I want you, let's do this</em>, but he couldn't work out what it was.</p>
<p>Buck tore at the label on his bottle. "I'm not really interested in dating a bunch of random people or signing up for dating apps trying to find <em>the one</em>," he intoned, rolling his eyes. "Because I kinda feel like… maybe I'm right where I need to be."</p>
<p>"Bobby doesn't think you are."</p>
<p>"Bobby doesn't know what I know," he replied, glancing up at Eddie briefly.</p>
<p>Eddie had a flashback to their night on the couch, the way Buck surrendered to him, the way he begged… fuck, he was hot just thinking about it. "I don't want you to date anyone else," he said, as close to an admission as he was going to get without more alcohol. "Don't date."</p>
<p>Buck gave him a slow, hopeful smile. "Okay. That goes for you, too."</p>
<p>"Okay. Deal."</p>
<p>Buck held out his fist, and Eddie grinned as he bumped it, settling back in his seat. The thing was that over the last year, since the lawsuit, their lives had become more and more intertwined. Eddie had a falling out with his parents after the tsunami and effectively cut them out of his and Christopher's lives when they suggested that he was a bad father and that they might sue for custody of his son. With Hen's help he'd promptly found a lawyer, and even though their threat had been an empty one, he still went ahead and did something a little crazy – he made Buck a secondary legal guardian of Christopher.</p>
<p>They'd only just reconciled after the lawsuit when Eddie presented Buck with the paperwork, one night at his house after Christopher had gone to bed. Buck had read through it, bewildered, but when Eddie had explained everything that had happened since they'd been estranged, he'd signed the documents wordlessly and passed them back.</p>
<p>Buck was second-in-command when it came to Christopher – listed as an emergency contact with the school, his doctors and anyone else Eddie could think of. Eddie even served his parents with a copy of the documentation and a restraining order, which both his sisters had considered overkill, but he'd had enough.</p>
<p>He hadn't spoken to them since, and he'd been a lot happier for it.</p>
<p>One day Buck handed over some paperwork of his own – documentation so that Eddie could make health decisions on his behalf. Eddie hadn't questioned him; he'd simply signed and handed them back. He was sure Buck had talked it over with Maddie (though he had no idea how that conversation had played out), but now their lives and futures were linked. He told himself that he'd done those things for Christopher, because if he were gone, Christopher would need a good parent, and Buck was the only one he wanted raising his kid.</p>
<p>Sometimes he felt guilty, because he often thought that Buck was a better parent than Shannon ever was, and she was Christopher's <em>mother</em>. Buck was just… a friend, a best friend, the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for, in Christopher's words, but still. Just a friend. Not a replacement.</p>
<p>Maybe a replacement, though, if things… progressed. Buck's fingers were wrapped around the long neck of the beer bottle, his eyes trained on the TV over Eddie's head. Eddie let his eyes wander over the smooth lines of his face, the stubble on his chin and down his throat. He'd been drunk, but he distinctly remembered the way Buck had looked on his knees in front of him, those blue eyes of his trained on him as he'd sucked Eddie's cock as though his life depended on it.</p>
<p>He let out a breath, looking away. Buck murmured, "You okay?"</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<p>"You want to get out of here?"</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>He'd always liked Buck's apartment, but he had the feeling Buck didn't feel the same way. He always seemed detached from it, like it was just somewhere he slept and not the place he actually lived – like it wasn't his home. It was just a crash pad. He seemed more at ease and alive in Eddie's house – at this point he knew the kitchen better than Eddie did.</p>
<p>There was a picture of Eddie and Christopher stuck to the refrigerator – that was new. Eddie examined it, shrugging out of his jacket, and sighed when Buck's hands stroked down his shoulders and arms, tossing the jacket on the bench. Warm lips pressed against the back of his neck. He dropped his head forward, closing his eyes.</p>
<p>"<em>Eddie</em>," Buck breathed in his ear. "I've been dreaming about this."</p>
<p>He nodded. His mouth was dry. They hadn't really had sober sex before – what if the magic was gone? Alcohol emboldened him, shed his inhibitions, but now… now Buck's hands were sliding up and under his shirt, over his back, and his touch was like fire on his skin.</p>
<p>Buck paused. Eddie turned his head to the side slightly, and murmured, "Should we go upstairs?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>He turned around, tugging his shirt up and over his head. Buck smiled at him, his eyes bright, already undoing his belt. "You're gorgeous," he said in a low voice. "Honest to god, Eds, the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life."</p>
<p>Eddie went red under Buck's praise, ducking his head. Buck's lips brushed against his cheek, and they stood in silence for a moment, close enough to breathe together. Eddie murmured, "I wanted you that first day."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Mmm. First time I laid eyes on you."</p>
<p>"Wish you'd said something."</p>
<p>"Nah, you were too pissed off." Eddie smirked, and it was Buck's turn to go red. He pressed his head against Eddie's shoulder, embarrassed, and Eddie added, "All it took was possibly dying together to get you to come around."</p>
<p>"Wasn't going to let you have all the glory."</p>
<p>Eddie turned his head slightly, his lips pressed against Buck's ear, and whispered, "Fucking hot though, right? Doing that with you? I still remember the way you looked at me."</p>
<p>"Like?"</p>
<p>"Like you didn't know if you wanted to fuck me or fight me."</p>
<p>"Still don't," Buck murmured, shoving him up against the counter bodily.</p>
<p>Eddie grinned, grabbing him by the hips, digging his fingers in. "You want me?"</p>
<p>"Fuck, yes, I do." Buck's eyes were blazing. Their lips were inches apart, closing the gap, and when Eddie physically pulled Buck in toward him, their lips collided in a bruising kiss. Fuck, why hadn't they been doing this all along? Buck was an amazing kisser, so into it, making little noises when their tongues slid together. Eddie tugged at the hem of Buck's shirt, and they parted long enough for him to remove it. Buck's lips pressed against the corner of Eddie's mouth and slid to his cheek, as his hands busily undid Eddie's belt.</p>
<p>"Gotta have you," he practically growled in Eddie's ear. "Need to taste you."</p>
<p>"You been thinking about this?"</p>
<p>"Every second of every day," Buck replied, kissing him firmly before dropping to his knees. He pulled his belt through the loops and tossed it aside, undid the top button of his jeans and unzipped the fly before yanking his jeans down his legs.</p>
<p>Eddie was hard, his erection straining against the thin material of his boxer briefs. Buck hooked his fingers in the elastic waistband, looking up at him for permission. He nodded.</p>
<p>His cock sprang free as soon as Buck tugged his underwear down, and Eddie was only vaguely aware of how heavily he was breathing as he watched Buck's eyes linger on him as he licked his lips. Those perfectly pink, lovely lips were soon wrapped around his cock and he was sucking, and Eddie closed his eyes.</p>
<p>Buck was great at giving head - Eddie had discovered that little fact the first night they slept together. It was the perfect amount of suction and pressure, and he slid his fingers into Buck's hair and gripped him as his head bobbed back and forth. The only sound in the room was Eddie's ragged breathing. Buck's tongue slid up the underside of his cock and over the slit; he sucked the head for so long Eddie thought he might come from just that, and right when he was on the brink, Buck braced a hand on the counter, wrapped his other hand around the base of his cock, opened his throat and let Eddie slide right in.</p>
<p>"Oh god," Eddie groaned – he looked down at Buck and found him staring right back up at him, his mouth full, blue eyes burning with intensity. He thrust his hips gently, once, and Buck made a noise and adjusted himself, looking up at him again. So he pulled his cock out slowly, all the way out, rubbing the head of his cock on Buck's lips, and then slid back inside again.</p>
<p>Buck moaned around him.</p>
<p>He repeated the motion, right on the brink, his knees shaking. Buck pushed him up against the counter, one hand pressed to his stomach, sucking the head of his cock again. Eddie's breath hitched – he was close, so close, but Buck was rising to his feet, yanking his underwear down as well, pressing himself flush against Eddie. He wrapped his hand around them both and began to stroke, burying his face against Eddie's neck.</p>
<p>He groaned, scratching his nails down Buck's sides. Buck's lips found a spot near the curve of his neck and bit down, and Eddie returned the favour, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of his shoulder.</p>
<p>Buck increased the pressure, increased the speed and sparks exploded in his eyes – he came, almost violently, clawing at Buck's back. Buck let out a groan and came as well, his mouth hot on Eddie's throat.</p>
<p>When he recovered, Buck said in his ear, "Just the appetiser."</p>
<p>"You're gonna have to get me upstairs first."</p>
<p>"I'll happily throw you over my shoulder," Buck said, reaching for the paper towels on the counter to clean them both up.</p>
<p>Eddie kicked off his shoes and pants, his legs shaking a bit, and watched as Buck stripped as well, raking his eyes over his fit and toned body. Buck preened under his gaze, turning pink when Eddie said in a low voice, "You're so fucking hot, Buckley."</p>
<p>"I am?"</p>
<p>"I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't walk properly tomorrow," he heard himself say, and Buck's eyebrows flew up.</p>
<p>"That better be a promise, Diaz," he said gleefully.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie was true to his word. Buck ached all over, pleasantly, but still, and when he woke up and found them tangled together in his bed, he could hardly believe his luck.</p>
<p>He'd never thought Eddie would be up for it – not in a million years. He'd dropped the odd hint here and there, testing the waters, but all he'd ever gotten from Eddie was that annoying little smirk of his, and now… now he had him in his bed, gloriously naked, a pillow clutched against his chest.</p>
<p>Buck watched him for a while, as the room began to fill with the morning's light. Eddie's hair was a little longer again – he hoped he kept it that way; he liked to run his fingers through it and to have something to hang onto while Eddie was blowing him. He admired the gentle curve of his shoulders and his pronounced collarbone – liked to run his teeth along it; liked to nip at him here and there.</p>
<p>The second time was different to the first – they'd been so eager and drunk and stupid that all reason had vanished, and Buck had ended up on his knees on the couch with Eddie pounding him from behind without really doing any substantial prep. He hadn't sat comfortably for a day or so after that, not that he was complaining. They were both frenzied that night, marked up and bruised the next day. Thankfully, nobody had noticed.</p>
<p>At the time he'd wondered if that was all it was going to be, just one night of insane passion and then back to normal, but that was naïve. He was hyper aware of Eddie now, even more so than he had been before, and Eddie was always looking at him, and now, finding new reasons to touch him. A hand on his shoulder or back, brushing against him as they walked, knocking their knees together under the table.</p>
<p>Maybe it was inevitable that they'd end up here, in bed together. It felt right. Being together was easy, comfortable – the sex was exciting and new, but just being together, the two of them? That was the easiest thing in Buck's life. Eddie was his other half.</p>
<p>Not that he would ever say those words out loud - Eddie was still as tight-lipped as he'd always been, but Buck thought he was worming his way in, slowly but surely.</p>
<p>And then Eddie was shifting in his sleep, his eyes fluttering open. He smiled when he realised Buck was beside him and reached out a hand. "Hey." His voice was thick with sleep.</p>
<p>Buck took his hand and squeezed it. "Morning."</p>
<p>"Morning. What time is it?"</p>
<p>"Just after six."</p>
<p>"Still got a couple of hours." Eddie's lips quirked. "Still got time."</p>
<p>"Yeah, we've got time, Eds. Whatever you want."</p>
<p>"Mmm." Eddie tossed the pillow aside and slid across the bed, burying his face against Buck's neck. Buck hugged him with both arms, kissing his shoulder, wanting to savour every single second for as long as he possibly could.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Your firehouse is nice. Bigger than I expected – actually, I don't know what I was expecting, but not this nice, modern building with shiny red fire trucks inside. You're not at work today, but that's all right. I left a thank you card and a plate of brownies for you. I wrote my number on the card, maybe you'll give me a call.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If you called me, I wouldn't have to hunt you down, you know. If you called, we could maybe go out on a date, and I could find out all about you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm pretty and desirable – I know that. The appreciative looks I received from your colleagues were enough to reaffirm that. I could be the kind of girl a man like you would want to date; I could be your everything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm a wonderful girlfriend, Eddie. You just need to give me a chance.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"These came for you yesterday, Diaz," Martinez said, passing him a plate of brownies with a card attached. "Man, you should've seen the girl that brought these in. Incredible."</p>
<p>"That's enough," Bobby said from the kitchen. "Lunch will be ready in ten minutes."</p>
<p>Eddie ripped the plastic wrap off the brownies and set them out on the table, where they were immediately attacked by the rest of the crew. He opened the card, leaning against the balcony railing, Buck lounging beside him. "Oh wow," he said, passing the card to Buck. "She left a phone number. I must've made a good impression."</p>
<p>Buck frowned. "Who is she, anyway?"</p>
<p>"One of the victims from that pile-up the other day," Martinez said. "She said she was in a red Audi."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah, I remember her." Vaguely. He hadn't really paid that much attention. He took the card back from Buck and pocketed it. "Glad she was all right."</p>
<p>Buck's hand closed around his arm, and he glanced at him quizzically. "You're not going to call her, are you?" he asked in a low voice.</p>
<p>Eddie shook his head. "No. I don't date the people we help."</p>
<p>"Good." Buck gave him a satisfied look, and then bounded over to help Bobby in the kitchen.</p>
<p>Eddie took the card out of his pocket, glanced at it quickly, and then tossed it in the bin.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>"Do you want to come over tonight?" Eddie asked Buck. They were waiting in the ladder truck for Hen and Chimney to grab their lunch orders from a food truck on the coast. Bobby was outside, on the phone with Athena, and everyone else had wandered off.</p>
<p>Buck was acting a little strangely, so Eddie had been his shadow most of the morning.</p>
<p>"Movie night?" Buck asked him. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, arms tucked behind his head.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Movie, popcorn - and you can entertain Christopher while I go through all this paperwork for one of his after-school programs that Carla tells me I have to look at today or else it's the end of the world."</p>
<p>"Oh, so I'm baby-sitting."</p>
<p>"Yeah." Eddie grinned at him. "Cool?"</p>
<p>"Cool, I wasn't doing anything anyway." Buck flashed him a smile and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, fine. Why?"</p>
<p>"You seem a little off." <em>Possessive</em>, he thought.</p>
<p>"Why, because some hot chick came into the station and left her number for you? Is that it?" Buck arched an eyebrow at him.</p>
<p>"Maybe," he replied, and grinned. "Jealous?"</p>
<p>"Maybe," Buck acquiesced.</p>
<p>"I threw the card away." He leaned forward a little, and added, "Because I'm taken."</p>
<p><em>That</em> was as close to an admission as he was going to get, but Buck looked surprised and hopeful. "Me too," he said, nodding eagerly. "I am too."</p>
<p>"Good."</p>
<p>"Yeah, good." Buck smiled at him happily. "And yeah, I'll come watch your kid tonight, seeing as how you are unable to multitask."</p>
<p>"I thought I was multitasking pretty well there the other night."</p>
<p>"Fuckin' tease."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>It's been a week. You haven't called.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I thought we had something? A connection, a moment – I thought when you looked at me, you saw the same potential I saw – you and me, Eddie. A couple. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I came back to the firehouse and saw you at work – from a distance, parked outside. You and another firefighter were hosing down some cars and laughing together. He's tall and blonde – a big guy, not my type, but he makes you smile. And I wonder what's going on there – you seem so comfortable with him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I feel like I need to get to know you better, but I don't know how.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I watched you all day, and at night I saw you in your big coat with your name across the back – Diaz. Eddie Diaz. That's a good start; that gives me somewhere to go to find out everything I can about you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>At home, I sit down with my laptop and search for you – there you are, Eddie Diaz. There you are. A decorated war hero and a Silver Star recipient. You've been in LA a few years – longer than I have – and you're all over the Facebook page of the 118 firehouse, but you don't have a Facebook account of your own.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your friend's name is Evan Buckley – Buck, everyone seems to call him – and he's everywhere. He's on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – not TikTok, though, and I did search for him. His Instagram is public, and he has a lot of followers. Unsurprising for a man as good looking as he is.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're on his Instagram though, all over it. And a boy – Eddie. Do you have a son?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That complicates things, but not by much. I never considered myself the motherly type but for you, I could give it a go. Your son looks nice; he's smiley and there are a lot of pictures of you with him. I wonder if the mother is still in the picture?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hunt her down. Her Facebook is a memorial now, but there are more pictures of you, older ones. Interesting. You got married and had a son young, and now she's dead. I wonder what the story is there.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I find your sisters; I find your mother. I find your cousins and old school friends. I find pictures of you from high school. I find pictures of you with your friends in the army; I find your whole life on the internet told by all the people around you, but not <span class="u">you.</span></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Why aren't you available to me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Why can't I get to know you better?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I want to know you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I want to be with you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I go to bed and I dream of you, Eddie – please, why won't you call me? I'm the best girlfriend you'll ever have.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Will you stop?" Eddie asked Buck, throwing a hand over his face. "Stop taking our picture."</p>
<p>"Just one more in this light," Buck said, kneeling in the sand, his iPhone held out in front of him. "Smile, you guys."</p>
<p>Christopher leaned against Eddie and beamed for the camera, and Eddie couldn't help but smile as well, his arms around his son. Buck snapped the picture, sat back on his heels to admire it, and then crawled over to show him. He'd taken it with portrait mode or whatever it was, so the background behind them was blurry, and Eddie and Christopher were perfectly in focus. Eddie said, "Send that to me, okay? It's a good one."</p>
<p>"Okay." Buck sent him the picture, and then sprawled out on his back in the sand, laughing when Christopher flopped down beside him. "You right there, kiddo?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm good, Buck." Christopher rested his head on Buck's shoulder, admiring the sandcastle they'd spent all afternoon building.</p>
<p>Eddie stretched out his legs, leaning back on his hands, eyes trained on the sea. He'd been hesitant about bringing Christopher to the beach – they hadn't been since the tsunami – but now that they were here, it was peaceful. The sun was sinking slowly beneath the waves; the sky was a burnt orange and the stars were beginning to twinkle above them. They'd have to leave soon, but he wanted to stay a little longer.</p>
<p>Buck said to Christopher, "Nothing to worry about, right?"</p>
<p>"Nope," Christopher agreed. "I'm glad you were here with us, Buck."</p>
<p>"Yeah, me too. Gotta keep an eye on my Diaz boys." Buck glanced at him briefly.</p>
<p>"Stay over tonight," Eddie heard himself say.</p>
<p>Buck grinned. "I would, but I've got to be up early in the morning. Maddie wants me to go baby shopping with her and Chim – Chim's not happy about it, but she's insisting, so…"</p>
<p>"She's the pregnant one; you've got to do what she wants."</p>
<p>"Yeah, exactly." Buck tilted his head back, gazing up at the sky. "Hey, we should take Chris up to the observatory one day. It's pretty cool."</p>
<p>"We went on a field trip to the planetarium," Christopher spoke up. "It was awesome."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I bet it was. I've never been."</p>
<p>"We could take you!" Christopher exclaimed, looking over at Eddie hopefully. "Can we?"</p>
<p>"You liked it that much?"</p>
<p>"It was <em>awesome, </em>Dad."</p>
<p>Eddie met Buck's eyes again. "Well, that's a good review. We'll have to do that."</p>
<p>"Whatever you guys want, I'm easy." Buck sat up, dusting the sand off his shirt. "Hey, let's get some dinner. There's a good seafood place up here. You guys hungry?"</p>
<p>"Starving," Christopher announced, and they both laughed.</p>
<p>"Well, we better go before you fade away," Eddie teased him, leaping to his feet. "Lead the way, Buck."</p>
<p>They left the beach and went back to Buck's car, throwing all their stuff into the trunk before climbing inside. Buck turned up the music as they pulled out of the parking lot, heading down the highway for five minutes before he pulled into the parking lot of a shambles of a restaurant, weather-beaten, paint-stripped wood with tables and chairs set up outside. It was absolutely packed with people. Buck left them in the car, not even bothering to try to find a table, and ambled off to order their dinner.</p>
<p>When he returned, ten minutes later, with two bags of food, he passed them over to Eddie and climbed behind the wheel again, pulling out of the car park.</p>
<p>"Are we taking this home?" Eddie asked quizzically.</p>
<p>Buck shook his head. "I know a place." They turned back out onto the highway, drove for another five minutes and then turned off onto a dirt road, climbing up a hill in the dark. Eddie trusted Buck – he knew all kinds of weird places to go around LA. At the top, Buck pulled off the road and leapt out, pointing to a loan picnic table near a look-out. "Here," he said. "I've got a lantern in the back."</p>
<p>Eddie helped Christopher out of the car and led him over to the table. Buck switched on the lantern and put it in the middle of the table, spreading the food out between them. "Dig in," he said, popping some fries into his mouth.</p>
<p>It was at that moment that Eddie realised he was in love with the big blonde goofball.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warnings are at the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I saw you at work again today. There's something different about you, but I can't figure out what it is. You wander out of the station around midday and lean against the wall on your phone. You're in your own little world, all alone, and I think that maybe now's the chance – I should walk up to you, start a conversation.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then he appears, jogging out of the station as though he's been looking for you. When he spots you, he smiles, his whole face lighting up, and when you look up at him, I see the tension leave your body.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You have a conversation with him – he leans in close to you, listening and nodding. He says something, gestures to the building, and you nod in response, and when he gives you a hug, you tuck your chin against his shoulder and splay your hand on his back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Something's going on. What the fuck is going on?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You leave work in your truck; I follow you. You drive to a school – ah, it's your kid. There's something wrong with your kid, and sure enough fifteen minutes later I see you emerge with him in your arms. He looks sick, the poor kid, and you rub his back as you settle him into the back of your truck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're a good dad, Eddie. You'll be a great dad to <span class="u">our</span> kids.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I follow you home, and your house is not what I expected. I thought you'd have some kind of bachelor pad in the city, but then I remember that you've got a kid, so of course you live in a tidy house on a nice street. You carry your son inside and that's it for the rest of the day, you don't emerge again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But he comes over at night with food, and I see you let him in with a smile on your face. You don't smile at anyone the way you smile at him and it's so annoying.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I want you to smile at me like that.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Just a cold, I think," Eddie said to Buck, leaning in the doorway of Christopher's bedroom. Christopher was asleep under the covers, his face flushed, a box of tissues beside him. "His teacher said he was complaining about a sore throat this morning. He didn't say anything to me when I dropped him off."</p>
<p>"He's trying to be tough for you," Buck said quietly.</p>
<p>"He doesn't have to be, though."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but… he's your kid, he looks up to you. He can usually ride most things out with a smile, so…" Buck rested a hand on his shoulder. "Come on. I went to that Chinese place you like."</p>
<p>"I'll just check him again," Eddie replied, stepping into the room. He leaned over Christopher with the thermometer, aware that Buck was watching, and glanced over his shoulder at him.</p>
<p>"You're the best dad," Buck said quietly. "Seriously the best dad ever."</p>
<p>He just smiled, looking down at Christopher again. Buck would think that, because Buck and his father weren't close at all, not that he'd ever spoken about that - not once in the time they'd known each other.</p>
<p>Christopher's temperature was on the high side of normal, but not too bad. Eddie checked his watch – he'd have to give him some more Tylenol in an hour.</p>
<p>He made sure the door was opened a crack and went out to the kitchen, where Buck was laying out the food. Buck flashed him a smile as he entered. "Poured you a glass of water."</p>
<p>"Thanks." Eddie leaned against the doorframe, watching him. "Cap was okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, no problem. I'll make it up to him for you." Buck opened one of the boxes and passed it to Eddie. "Got those dumplings you like."</p>
<p>"You're the best."</p>
<p>"I know, I know." Buck sat down at the table, cracking open a pair of chopsticks. He gestured to the food and said, "Eat, come on. Eat."</p>
<p>Eddie sat across from him, reaching for the fork Buck had laid out for him. There was no judgement on Buck's part that he'd never been able to master the art of chopsticks – Shannon had teased him endlessly about it, but Buck simply made sure he had a fork. He kind of appreciated that, actually, even if there'd been no malice on her part about it. It was just nice that it wasn't a <em>thing</em> anymore.</p>
<p>Buck was digging into a box of noddles. He looked a bit tired and worn out, and as Eddie watched him, he had to stifle a yawn. "You should stay over," he offered. "Sleep over."</p>
<p>Buck shrugged, flashing an easy smile. "If that's what you want."</p>
<p>"Sleep in my room with me."</p>
<p>"Ah. Okay. The couch is fine—"</p>
<p>"No, not anymore." Eddie raised his eyebrows at him, and Buck nodded. Satisfied, Eddie popped a dumpling into his mouth and chewed, and then stupidly said the first thing that popped into his head. "You've been with guys before."</p>
<p>Taken aback, Buck blinked at him with surprise. "Excuse me?"</p>
<p>"You've slept with guys before."</p>
<p>"Yes…?"</p>
<p>"You never told me."</p>
<p>Buck shrugged again. "What's there to tell? I've slept with a lot of people." He said it matter-of-factly, reaching over to steal one of Eddie's dumplings.</p>
<p>"I haven't," Eddie admitted, a little embarrassed.</p>
<p>"How many?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "Less than ten."</p>
<p>Buck raised his eyebrows. "So?"</p>
<p>"How many have you slept with then?"</p>
<p>"I don't know; I never started counting." Buck grimaced at him. "Why are you asking?"</p>
<p>"I just want to know everything about you," Eddie said without thinking, and then went red. "I mean… you're kind of a closed book sometimes."</p>
<p>"Oh, and you're so open." Buck had a sip of water, and reached for the honey chicken, groaning when Eddie snatched the box from him and stole some first. "You're in a mood tonight, Diaz."</p>
<p>"Tell me how you lost your virginity and I'll give you the chicken back." Eddie raised his eyebrows at him. "All the nitty gritty details."</p>
<p>"Ugh, the nitty gritty?" Buck huffed out a breath, and then said reluctantly, "I don't know. I was fifteen."</p>
<p>Surprised, Eddie said, "That's young."</p>
<p>"Not really. How old were you?"</p>
<p>He paused, and then said, "Seventeen."</p>
<p>"Oh, well, some of us are late bloomers." Buck snatched the chicken out of his hands while he was reeling from the insult, a smug grin on his face.</p>
<p>Eddie pressed on. "Fifteen, though. How old was the girl?"</p>
<p>Buck made a face. "Doesn't matter."</p>
<p>"Does, though. How old was she?"</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes. "I don't know. Eighteen? I was at a party, I got drunk… she was a pretty girl and I was… tall for my age, let's say."</p>
<p>Eddie stared at him, shocked. "What?"</p>
<p>"This is why I wasn't going to tell you." Buck focused on the food, spooning noodles into his mouth.</p>
<p>"Tell me the story," he insisted, shifting closer. "Please?"</p>
<p>Buck grimaced. He took a sip of water, shaking his head, turning away from Eddie. "Can we not, Eds? It doesn't matter."</p>
<p>"It matters to me," he said simply.</p>
<p>He sighed, relenting. "Okay. I was fifteen. My friends and I got invited to this party by some of the seniors, and there were college girls there – freshmen. I got wasted pretty quickly. I don't remember a lot of it, but I remember her – we danced together, we made out for a bit, we went upstairs, and she climbed on top of me. I wanted it; it wasn't rape or anything." Buck looked so damn ashamed, and he tried to cover it by shovelling more food into his mouth.</p>
<p>"Buck, that's not cool."</p>
<p>"We were kids, it doesn't matter." Buck met his eyes briefly, his lips set into a thin line. "It doesn't matter."</p>
<p>"You keep saying that—"</p>
<p>"Because you're looking at me like you're judging me! I was a kid." Buck sat back in his seat, folding his arms across his chest petulantly. "And what, you're so perfect?"</p>
<p>"That's not what we're talking about – it's not a competition." Eddie gave him a long look, wanting to touch him but fearing that was the wrong move. "It's just… Chim said once that you thought you were addicted to sex, right? But I wasn't here for any of that, so like…"</p>
<p>"Eddie, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter at all," Buck said dismissively. "Why do you want to talk about this? You've never mentioned it before."</p>
<p>"Now we're sleeping together."</p>
<p>"So?"</p>
<p>"So… you never talk about your life before, and I want to know why," he said, but Buck wouldn't meet his eyes. He was totally closed off, his shoulders hunched over. "Buck. <em>Buck.</em>"</p>
<p>"For fuck's sake," Buck muttered.</p>
<p>"What is the big deal?"</p>
<p>He just shook his head and looked away.</p>
<p>Eddie sat back in his seat, eyes trained on him intently. "Evan," he said after a moment, and at that Buck looked over at him. "We can talk about everything. Why can't we talk about this? Did something happen to you?"</p>
<p>He made a face. "No?"</p>
<p>"Then—"</p>
<p>"I don't want to talk about it. Can you please just accept that?"</p>
<p>Eddie considered him, and then said, "I lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend… and… I felt a lot of pressure, because all my friends were doing it, and talking about it, and… it was horrible."</p>
<p>"The first time usually is," Buck muttered.</p>
<p>"No, it was horrible because neither of us really wanted to do it, but we felt like we had to, to be part of some kind of special club… you know that thing in high school, where some kids are effortlessly popular, and cool, and…"</p>
<p>"You're telling me you had sex to impress the cool kids?"</p>
<p>"No, I was… I was in that group," he said, and rubbed his face with both hands. "Listen to me. Sex has always been… ah, fuck. I don't know how to say this without sounding like an idiot." He thought for a moment, chewing his lower lip, and said, "I liked it; I'm good at it—"</p>
<p>"Says you."</p>
<p>Eddie huffed, and murmured, "You certainly weren't complaining."</p>
<p>"There's always room for improvement." Buck arched his eyebrows at him suggestively.</p>
<p>He grinned – maybe some of the tension was melting away? Buck's arms weren't folded across his chest anymore, and he'd resumed his meal, so Eddie felt it was safe to press on. "Anyway, with my high school girlfriend it was so we could be like, yeah, we're that couple that's having sex, we're cool, we're adults, that whole thing," he said dismissively, embarrassed – so fucking embarrassed about it, years later, "and in reality we were just so dumb, you know? You don't make the right decisions when you're a kid – and then, Buck, it turns out that she was a lesbian anyway, so no surprise she wasn't really that into it."</p>
<p>"You sure know how to pick 'em."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but… I'm not straight either," he said, and Buck met his eyes, looking surprised. "You and me, this isn't… like, I didn't fall into this."</p>
<p>"You kinda did," he pointed out, and winked.</p>
<p>Eddie shook his head. "No, I've been thinking about you and me for a long time now."</p>
<p>"You could've said something."</p>
<p>"And what, ruin the best thing in my life after Christopher?" he asked. "You and me… it's always been easy. Trusting you; letting you into my life… god, Buck. You know what I was thinking when Shannon came back? I was thinking that… I was finally turning the corner, that things were looking up, that maybe I would be able to finally be myself, you know? I was thinking about… asking you out."</p>
<p>Buck was silent, his eyes huge.</p>
<p>"And then she came back." Eddie scrubbed his face again, slumping back into his seat. "You know I hate talking shit through, right? But like… honestly? I've always felt like my happiness has been on hold so I could provide for other people. When I was a kid it was my family; after that it was Shannon and Christopher, and… I've been single so long now that… I think I'm going to be really bad at being in a relationship, because I sucked at it when I was with Shannon. I was so unhappy."</p>
<p>Buck asked quietly, "And now?"</p>
<p>"Now, I don't know." Eddie gave him a long look. "You make us happy. I want you around. I wanted to ask you out, and I didn't, because she came back and I thought I had to do the right thing by Christopher. But now there's no reason not to try. I trust you more than anyone in the world. You know that."</p>
<p>"Right."</p>
<p>"You and I do this thing where we… leap into things without thinking – either we're doing it together or separately, but we're terrible at taking a step back and assessing the situation, so that's what I’m trying to do," he said. "You and I, we're best friends, we love each other – our lives are linked now, permanently, right?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded.</p>
<p>"So let's talk some of this shit out," Eddie said determinedly. "Because… if this is going to be more than just fucking, at some point I'm going to need to tell Christopher that you and I are more than best friends. So we need to be on the same page, and that means you opening up to me about your past. You've never done that, Buck. Fucking <em>ever.</em> You know all about my family and what I went through in the army; you know about Shannon, you know… my whole life, and I know nothing."</p>
<p>Buck let out a breath, looking at the containers of food on the table, spread out in front of them. He said, "You know why I never talk to you about it? Because… you're the only one who doesn't make fun of me for the way I acted when I first joined the 118. You don't tease me about sleeping around; you don't make cracks about me doing it again – you never knew me before, and you think of me a certain way, so why would I want to tell you anything to change that?"</p>
<p>Eddie frowned at him. "Do you think I wouldn't like you anymore?"</p>
<p>Buck shrugged. "Everyone leaves, Eddie… it stands to reason you would too."</p>
<p>"I'm not them. You're my family."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well… I don't know what you want," Buck replied bitterly. "We've had sex a couple of times, but… I don't know what it means."</p>
<p>"We're going to figure that out, aren't we?"</p>
<p>"Honestly, I kinda figured you were… lonely," he murmured. "And it was easy for you to be with me. You knew I wouldn't say no."</p>
<p>Surprised, Eddie sat back in his seat. "You really think that little of me? That I'm using you?"</p>
<p>"Well, you wouldn't be the first, is all I'm saying," Buck muttered. "Just tick them off the list, you know? Sometimes I feel like nobody actually likes me for me."</p>
<p>"I do," he insisted. "I chose you."</p>
<p>"Yeah, because there was no one else." Buck checked his watch, swallowing hard. "I'm gonna go," he muttered, and stood. "I don't want to talk about this."</p>
<p>Eddie stood as well, anxious, shifting his weight back and forth. "Buck, don't leave. It's not – I just want to talk, you know?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I don't really want to though, and you keep pushing," he said, taking a step back. "What do you want to know, Eds? I was a messed up kid; I threw myself away to anyone who would have me. I was sad and lonely and sex made me feel like I had something to offer people. And you think you make a connection and they leave, you know? The whole time I was with Abby I was thinking I'd finally found someone that I could trust, and she left too. She took what she wanted and left, and Eddie… why wouldn't you do the same thing? Honestly?"</p>
<p>His jaw was hanging open, and he quickly collected himself and said, "Because I know you better than anyone."</p>
<p>"That means nothing. I told her everything and she left," he said, shrugging at him. "And you will too."</p>
<p>"If you really think that, then you don't know me at all," he said sharply. "And we shouldn't be doing this, whatever the fuck this is."</p>
<p>"See? There you go. It gets real, and you don't want to do it anymore." Buck took a step back, holding his hands up. "And the thing is, Eds – the thing is… out of everyone in my life, in my whole entire life, you are the person I like the most. Out of everyone I've ever met. And that's how I know this is doomed to fail, because… other people get happy endings, and I'm gonna end up like Red. That's the truth." He sniffled, looked around the house as if he was taking it in for the last time, and walked away.</p>
<p>Stunned, Eddie sank down into his seat. He heard the front door close and Buck's car start, and he looked at the uneaten food spread out in front of him and realised that maybe he didn't know his best friend as well as he thought he did.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>What's going on?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He's leaving – he's angry, he's so angry. He's storming to his car and climbing inside, driving down the street, and as much as I want to stay to be here for you, I need to find out what's going on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So I follow him to a bar. I give it a few minutes and then I walk inside as well, a wig on, just in case – red, guys like red hair.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I sit near him at the bar, a few stools away, and order a martini. He's got a glass of bourbon in front of him, and his head is on his hand. He's looking at his phone, flicking through his camera roll unhappily. There are lots of pictures of you in there, Eddie, I can see them.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When he's on his third drink, I get his attention. This slimy guy keeps leaning over me, breathing in my face, and I do my damsel-in-distress schtick – it works, and your Buck comes to my rescue, scaring the guy away. I offer to buy him a drink to say thanks and he accepts, and we get to talking.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He's nice, your Buck. He asks me questions about myself and I make up all the answers, of course, but he actually listens to me when I'm speaking, which is a real change from the idiots I'm used to. He dresses well, he has nice manners and he smells good too – a prize catch if ever there was one.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But he's unhappy, I can tell, and instead of aggressively hitting on him, I try another angle – the supportive friend. The listener.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He laps it up. He tells me about you – not by name, but he talks about the man he's in love with, how he feels like you're not being honest with him, that you're using him, and he's sick of being used. He doesn't know if it's in his head or not; he doesn't know what to trust.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He says he loves you; that he's been in love with you for a long time. He says he thinks about marrying you but he doesn't think you want that. He thinks you just want sex and nothing else.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe he's not right for you, Eddie – maybe that's why you're shutting him down.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I tell him that maybe he needs to move on and he nods, his eyes rimmed with red. He's drunk now, a sad drunk. He'll probably call you and leave a drunken message, I'm sure.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He cries a bit. We're in a booth by then, and I tuck my arm around his shoulders and let him cry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Wow, Eddie, you must really be something special.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I tell him that he's a great guy and any guy or gal would be lucky to date him; I tell him that if you're not going to reciprocate, then he needs to let you go. He nods in agreement, wiping his eyes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He gives me his number. I give him a fake number, and we part as friends.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wonder what he'll do.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie arrived at Buck's apartment in the early morning. Aunt Pepa was baby-sitting Christopher, who was on the mend, and Buck hadn't replied to any of his messages. He let himself in with his key and looked around – Buck's clothes were in a pile on the floor in the kitchen, the fridge was open and a bottle of orange juice was spilled across the bench.</p>
<p>Buck had gone out and gotten himself wasted.</p>
<p>Eddie tidied up quickly and then climbed the stairs. He found him in bed, face-down, drooling onto the pillow. Eddie sat on the edge of the bed and watched him sleep for a few moments, before reaching over to nudge him awake.</p>
<p>Buck looked around in confusion, and when he realised he wasn't alone, he groaned and buried his face again. "God."</p>
<p>"Close. You okay?"</p>
<p>"Nope."</p>
<p>"We've got a shift in three hours; you gonna be okay by then?"</p>
<p>"Fuck off, Eds."</p>
<p>Eddie looked at him sharply. He'd never, ever told him to fuck off before, <em>ever</em>, and so he yanked on the blankets in retaliation. Buck was naked – fuck, Buck was naked. Shit.</p>
<p>Buck looked up at him blearily, and rolled onto his back. "What?"</p>
<p>He shook his head and stood, rolling his shoulders. "You know I'm not good at this feelings shit. I just wanted you to talk to me. I thought you trusted me," he said, glancing at Buck, who had pulled the sheet up to hide his nudity. "So here's what I'm gonna say – no, I wasn't using you, but I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was. You're the most important person in my life, and I fucked up. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"I don't want to talk about my life before," Buck said flatly. "Is that okay?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"When I told you how I lost my virginity you got a look on your face I didn't like," he muttered. "I already feel like shit."</p>
<p>"You shouldn't."</p>
<p>"Well, I do, because any time I tell that story people look at me like I was raped or something. I <em>wasn't</em>," he said emphatically. "I was two weeks shy of turning sixteen, and she had only just turned 18. We were kids, we hooked up."</p>
<p>"I get it," he said, resting one knee on the edge of the bed. "You just got so defensive."</p>
<p>"Because I'm used to people teasing me about it." Buck pulled the sheet up and rolled onto his side with his back to Eddie.</p>
<p>Eddie toed off his shoes and climbed onto the bed with him.</p>
<p>"If you're just here for sex, you can fuck off."</p>
<p>"Jesus Christ, I'm not here for sex. Will you stop telling me to fuck off? It's <em>me</em>," he said unhappily, tucking a pillow under his head. "You know I'm not like the others."</p>
<p>Buck was silent.</p>
<p>"I don't know how to reassure you," he murmured. "I don't know what to say. Everything I say is the wrong thing. You… you mean everything to me, Buck. I know we joked about it, how… that first day, we weren't sure if we wanted to fight or fuck, but like… every day since then I've just been so grateful to know you; to have you in my life. I never had a friend like you before, not even in the army. Not even in high school."</p>
<p>Buck shifted – some of the tension left his shoulders.</p>
<p>So Eddie continued, his voice low. "When I told you how I felt about sex before, I wasn't… I wasn't saying that it felt that way with you. I was trying to say that it feels different, like… I don't know, like… it feels right to be with you. It sounds so fucking sappy, I don't know. I wasn't… thinking about it. I just wanted to make you happy."</p>
<p>Buck let out a sigh, and rolled onto his back and then to face him. He looked tired and unhappy, but when Eddie reached out a hand to smooth the frown from his face, he didn't pull away. "We've been through thick and thin, Buck. This isn't going to break us."</p>
<p>"You mean it?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"So you and me, we're…"</p>
<p>"We're us, but… a little more now, I guess," he said. "But… you have me. I'm yours. There's no one else; there won't be anyone else. Okay?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded. "Okay. Me too."</p>
<p>Eddie smiled at him, stroking his cheek gently. "Did you go to a bar?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I just… needed to get drunk. My car is still there; I'll have to go pick it up." Buck made a face, rolling onto his back again. "I was talking to this chick. This guy kept trying to hit on her so I had to chase him off. She was nice. Kinda weird, though? But nice enough."</p>
<p>Eddie was inexplicably jealous. "You… didn't do anything, did you?"</p>
<p>Buck glanced at him, furrowing his brow. "No? I just told you that I was yours."</p>
<p>"Okay, just… checking. You were drunk."</p>
<p>"You think I can't control myself? That I'm going to get drunk, trip over and stick my dick in some random chick?"</p>
<p>"No," he retorted.</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, you kinda sound like you don't trust me." Buck gave him a filthy look, and rolled over again.</p>
<p>"Oh my god," Eddie groaned, sitting up and leaning over him, physically pushing him so he was on his back again. "Buck, listen to me – I'm jealous, all right? I don't want you going to bars and talking to strange women! Or… men. Or anyone. It's not that I don't trust you, I just… don't want anyone else to have you, because you're mine."</p>
<p>A strange look crossed Buck's face. "Oh," he said with surprise. "Okay."</p>
<p>"Okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I mean…" he trailed off, licking his lips. "This isn't the first time you've gotten possessive about me."</p>
<p>Eddie slid down beside him, resting his head on his hand. "What?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, you… you do this occasionally," Buck replied. "I always thought it was funny. Taylor Kelly, for one—"</p>
<p>He groaned. "Her?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, her. And one time at the bar a girl was hitting on me and you chased her away," he said, ticking things off his fingers. "Another time I was talking to a guy from another station and you split us up; another time a guy at an accident was asking me about something, not hitting on me at all, and you stalked up like I needed saving."</p>
<p>Eddie made a face. "You're projecting."</p>
<p>"Nah, man." Buck reached out to grasp his chin. "Maybe I've been waiting for you to come around. Maybe I've been holding out, hoping… that maybe you would."</p>
<p>They gazed at each other. Eddie said, "I'm here now."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you are. Did you really mean what you said last night? That you were going to ask me out?"</p>
<p>He nodded. "Yeah, I had… an idea for our first date."</p>
<p>Buck's eyebrows lifted. "What was it?"</p>
<p>"Um, I was going to take you to the pier, actually," he admitted. "Because I thought it'd be fun. Who knew, right?"</p>
<p>"When were you going to ask me out, Eds?"</p>
<p>"Right before Shannon came back. Like, right before. You were in a better place and I… I wanted to tell you that I like guys," he said, embarrassed. "So I could see how you'd react."</p>
<p>"You like guys, but you never acted on it before," Buck guessed.</p>
<p>"Right."</p>
<p>"Well, you sure do know what you're doing."</p>
<p>"Porn," Eddie admitted, and Buck laughed. "I watched porn."</p>
<p>"I'm surprised, even though I feel like I shouldn't be." Buck turned on his side as well, tucking a pillow under his head. "I wish you'd asked me out."</p>
<p>"Me too."</p>
<p>"But you have me now, Eds. I'm sorry about last night… you caught me on a bad day." He tucked his hands under his head and said quietly, "Abby got married yesterday."</p>
<p>"Oh," he said, and closed his eyes. "Oh, that's where Carla went."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Are you… I thought you'd moved on."</p>
<p>"I have – I mean, I'm not in love with her anymore. Honestly, I wasn't even really thinking about her, but Carla went to the wedding and posted some pictures on Instagram, and I just felt shitty about myself again. I know that she and I weren't compatible, but… I really want that, you know? Like… someone who loves me and who'll say vows in front of people, so like… everyone knows that we're in love. I want to be someone's someone."</p>
<p>Eddie said quietly, "You're my someone."</p>
<p>"Am I? Really?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>"But Eddie—"</p>
<p>"Stop second-guessing everything I'm saying and just believe me when I tell you that you're… everything," he said quietly. "And this isn't just about sex."</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him. "Okay. But the sex is pretty good."</p>
<p>"It's pretty fucking amazing, I'd say." Eddie kissed his forehead, nuzzling his cheek. "You smell good."</p>
<p>"So do you." Buck's voice was low. "I've just wanted this for a really long time. It doesn't feel real."</p>
<p>"It's real." Eddie brushed his fingers through his hair and said, "I like you the most of anyone I've ever met, too."</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him – a wide, hopeful smile, and leaned in to kiss him eagerly. Eddie let him slide on top, rolling onto his back. Everything about this felt <em>right</em> in ways that he'd never experienced before – like the future was wide open in front of them, that maybe this was what they'd both been searching for. He wanted to be better in every single way for Buck; he wanted to learn from his mistakes.</p>
<p>Buck kissed him sweetly, pulling away with every so often to smile down at him. "We have a little time," he said, glancing at the clock on the bedside table.</p>
<p>"I really didn't come over here for that, you know."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you've made that pretty clear, but Eds…" Buck licked his lips and whispered against his ear, "You look good enough to eat."</p>
<p>He laughed. "Do I?"</p>
<p>"Mmm, you do." Buck kissed him again, his hands sliding down to undo his belt. "Can I have you? Please?"</p>
<p>"Since you asked so nicely…"</p>
<p>Buck grinned at him, deftly undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans. He slipped his hand inside, but let out a laugh when Eddie flipped the script, pushing him onto his back and sliding on top.</p>
<p>"You're wearing too many clothes," Buck complained, as their lips met again. "Come on, Diaz."</p>
<p>"Just shut up," Eddie said, pulling his shirt up and over his head. Buck dragged his fingernails up his back and then raked them back down again – he hissed, but Buck just snickered at him and grabbed his ass with both hands.</p>
<p>"Fuck me," he said against his lips.</p>
<p>"I'm trying," Eddie complained, and Buck laughed.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>I followed you to his apartment, and you stayed for a couple of hours. When you and Buck emerge, together, you both look different, like… like something's changed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jesus, what the fuck has changed? Why were you in there so long?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I shouldn’t have meddled, damn it!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I follow you back to the bar where he left his car, and I swear to god he kisses you before he climbs out of your truck. There's an extra spring in his step; he's practically glowing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know what that means. You two have made up and you hooked up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When are you going to realise that he can't give you what you need? I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but… the two of you, it doesn't work.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I just need to make you see that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I think I need to break you guys up.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Hey Buck," Chimney called as Buck emerged from the locker rooms towards the end of their shift. "There's a surprise for you up here."</p>
<p>A surprise? He wasn't expecting anything and his birthday was still a couple of weeks away. He loped up the stairs, feeling worn out after the long day, stretching his arms over his head and yawning widely. And then he came to a sudden stop, because there was an enormous bouquet of long-stemmed red roses on the dinner table, a stuffed bear and a card with 'Evan' scrawled across it in loopy, flowery handwriting.</p>
<p>Chimney, Hen and Bobby were all snickering at him, exchanging glances like a bunch of children, and Eddie… Eddie was standing off to the side, his expression pulled taut, arms folded across his chest.</p>
<p>"Uh, what the hell is this?" Buck asked them in confusion. "Is this… are you guys playing a prank?"</p>
<p>"You've got a secret admirer," Chimney teased. "These were waiting here when we got back."</p>
<p>Buck had been covered in mud, dirt and god knows what else after their last call, so he'd immediately gone into the showers to wash up before dinner. He looked at them all in turn, and then at Eddie, whose hand was clenched against his lips, positively glowering.</p>
<p>"Open the card," Hen said gleefully, holding up her phone. "I want to film your reaction so I can show it to Karen."</p>
<p>"Can you not?" Buck asked her sharply, and she blinked at him with surprise, and lowered the phone. "I don't know who these are from, all right?"</p>
<p>"Buck, they're just flowers," Bobby said gently. "Someone's got a crush, that's all."</p>
<p>He looked at Eddie again, who shook his head almost imperceptibly. "Someone's playing a prank. I'm not dating anyone; I haven't been on any dates."</p>
<p>"Just open the card," Hen insisted. "Find out who it's from."</p>
<p>He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and stepped over to the table, carefully picking up the envelope. It was fatter than he was expecting – like there was something stuffed inside the card – and he undid the flap at the back and slid the card out. Photographs immediately slipped out and onto the floor. He bent down to retrieve them, and then stayed kneeling, because… they were of him and the woman from the bar – the woman he barely fucking remembered, but obviously she'd taken photos of them together.</p>
<p>"What is it?" Chimney asked, leaning over the table.</p>
<p>Buck looked up at him, shaking his head. "It's uh… nothing." He rose to his feet, trying to stuff the photos back inside the envelope, but Chimney was at his side in a flash and snatched them away.</p>
<p>"Oh, wow!" he exclaimed, holding up a picture of a very inebriated Buck, and the girl with red hair, who had her tongue in his ear. "Buckaroo! Who is this girl?"</p>
<p>"Chim," he begged, holding his hands out. "I got drunk the other night – it's nothing; I don't know why she took pictures, I don't even remember. Give them back, all right?"</p>
<p>Chimney was flicking through the pictures, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. "Yeah, you do look pretty wasted. About time you started putting yourself out there, though. It's been a while."</p>
<p>Buck yanked the photos out of his hand and shoved them in the envelope. He looked for Eddie, but Eddie was already walking away, down the stairs, his shoulders stiff.</p>
<p>"What's his problem?" Hen asked quizzically.</p>
<p>Bobby met Buck's eyes, confused and concerned, and said, "Okay, let's… Buck's not happy about this, so let's cool it. Chim, Hen, give us a minute? Go check on Eddie."</p>
<p>Buck opened the card with shaking hands, ignoring their worried looks.</p>
<p>
  <em>'Sweet Buck,</em><br/>
<em>Thanks for the fun – hope to hook up again soon.<br/>
</em>
  <em>;-)'</em>
</p>
<p>He scrunched it up in his hands and then physically ripped it in half, letting the pieces scatter on the floor. Bobby said quietly, "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"Here, does Athena want some flowers?" he asked gruffly, shoving the bouquet at Bobby. "Take them to Athena or throw them in the trash, set them on fire, I don't care. And the bear as well, just… I don't want it."</p>
<p>Bobby took him by the shoulder. "Did something happen the other night? Did… were you drugged?"</p>
<p>"No! No." He shook his head, on the verge of tears. "No."</p>
<p>"Then what's going on? Tell me."</p>
<p>He swallowed hard. "I met this girl at a bar, we talked… we were both drinking… I don't remember her taking the photos; I don't know why she's done this, and I don't know how she knew where I worked!"</p>
<p>"And Eddie's upset because…"</p>
<p>Buck just shook his head, swallowing hard. "I don't know."</p>
<p>Bobby eyed him. "Look, I'll get rid of everything, all right? Go find Eddie."</p>
<p>He pulled out of Bobby's grasp and jogged down the stairs, his heart pounding. Hen and Chimney were standing outside the locker room in deep conversation, but before Buck could enter Hen said, "Eddie's gone. He grabbed his keys and left."</p>
<p>Buck checked his watch, on the verge of tears. "Fuck."</p>
<p>"Hey, I'm sorry," Chimney said to him, but Buck just shook his head bitterly. "Buck, we'll… we'll get rid of the stuff, all right?"</p>
<p>"Did he say anything before he left?"</p>
<p>Hen shook her head gently. "No, he just walked out."</p>
<p>He nodded, swallowing hard. "Great. That's great. I'm gonna go too, because… I'm an idiot, and… I've fucked this up."</p>
<p>"Fucked what up?" Chimney asked in confusion.</p>
<p>Hen shot him a pointed look, stepping towards Buck, holding her hands out. "Go talk to him."</p>
<p>"Hen, nothing happened," he whispered, pressing a hand to his head. "Nothing happened."</p>
<p>"Go explain it to him."</p>
<p>"Did you see how he looked at me?" He swallowed reflexively, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I can't believe I ruined this."</p>
<p>"Buck," she said firmly. "Go talk to him now. We'll cover for you. <em>Go.</em>"</p>
<p>He nodded, and went into the locker room to grab his stuff, the envelope of photos still clutched to his chest. He went out to his Jeep and sat in the driver's seat for a few minutes, trying to calm down, and then called Eddie. He half expected it to go straight to voicemail, but Eddie's clipped voice answered.</p>
<p>"Buck."</p>
<p>"Eds, it's not – I didn't lie to you, okay? Nothing happened. Where are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm going home; don't come over."</p>
<p>Stung, he pressed a hand to his head. "But we could talk—"</p>
<p>"Not with Christopher there. I need to calm down. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, Eddie hung up.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, I am cackling.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You two played right into my hands! Eddie's pissed, and Buck's crying in his car. All over some dumb fucking photos? You guys, seriously.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This is too easy.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Against his better judgement – because his judgement had been shit lately – Eddie arrived at Buck's apartment first thing in the morning and let himself in with his key.</p>
<p>The place was immaculate – still and quiet. Buck obviously hadn't gone out the night before and gotten himself blind drunk. Eddie could see him on the bed upstairs, asleep, the blinds drawn, and he stood in the kitchen for a few minutes, trying to centre himself.</p>
<p>He had overreacted.</p>
<p>Buck was clearly bewildered by the gifts and the card, and the picture he'd seen wasn't even that bad.</p>
<p>He should not have left, and he shouldn't have been so abrupt with Buck on the phone.</p>
<p>Jealousy was like a fire in the pit of his stomach – when it came to Buck, Eddie had a streak of possessiveness a mile wide. Buck was <em>his.</em> He had been ever since they'd first met, and Eddie had no idea what this woman wanted with <em>his</em> Buck, but she could take a fucking hike.</p>
<p>And then he spotted the crumpled envelope on the couch, and went over to examine its contents. The card was gone – he wondered what happened there – but the photos were still inside. Five pictures of Buck with this woman, her face to the side, obscured by her red hair. Buck was drunk, laughing, his eyes rimmed with red – fuck, he'd been crying. He cried to this woman about Eddie.</p>
<p>He flipped through them quickly, his heart rate slowing. They weren't even that bad, because Buck was clearly not interested and pulling away from her. He shoved the pictures back into the envelope, took off his shoes, and went upstairs. Buck was awake, and he sat up, the blanket falling away from his bare chest, pooling in his lap.</p>
<p>"Nothing happened," he said hoarsely. "Nothing."</p>
<p>"Better not."</p>
<p>"I wouldn't. Not when you and I are just starting."</p>
<p>"Why the flowers?"</p>
<p>"I don't know; I have no idea," he said helplessly. "She never even hit on me."</p>
<p>"She kissed you."</p>
<p>"I thought it was a drunken joke; I didn't realise… she was taking my picture." He rubbed his face with both hands, looking anguished. "Eddie, please. Please. I didn't do anything; I never… I don't want anyone else; I just want you."</p>
<p>Eddie stepped up beside the bed, and Buck shifted so he was on his hands and knees, gazing up at him with desperation. "I believe you," he said, and Buck sagged with relief. "I just… needed to cool off."</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>"I didn't want to get upset in front of Christopher."</p>
<p>"That's understandable; I get it." Buck would forgive him for anything, and Eddie sighed, reaching out to run his fingers through Buck's messy curls.</p>
<p>"You think she's fucking with you?"</p>
<p>"I genuinely don't know," Buck whispered. "I'm so confused."</p>
<p>Eddie bent over and kissed him – Buck responded eagerly, rising up on his knees, the blanket slipping away. He was naked; somehow Eddie had known he would be, ready and waiting.</p>
<p>"I'm yours," Buck murmured when they parted. "I'm only yours. Please, Eds. Please. I want you."</p>
<p>Eddie massaged his shoulders and rubbed his hands through his hair. "Listen, just… hold up for a sec, okay? I overreacted last night; I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Buck gazed up at him, his eyes wide.</p>
<p>"I didn't come over here to make you beg or anything… I was feeling like shit all night; I shouldn't have stormed out. I just… it's <em>you</em>," he said, clearing his throat. "And we're only just starting this thing, and I wasn't expecting that last night. I know you weren't either. I just let my possessiveness get the better of me."</p>
<p>"Eddie, I would never cheat on you or anyone," Buck said earnestly. "I've never cheated. I'm not that kind of person."</p>
<p>"I know you're not. I know," he said reassuringly, trailing his fingers down Buck's face. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry."</p>
<p>"No, I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Eddie let out a chuckle, bending down to kiss him again. "No, <em>I'm</em> sorry."</p>
<p>"No, I am," Buck mumbled against his lips, and then melted into the kiss with a happy sigh. They parted again, and Buck gave him a heated look before whispering, "Please, please can I have you, please…" he dropped his head down lower, nosing against his belt buckle. "Please, Eddie?" He unzipped his pants, slipping his hand inside. Eddie's cock sprang free, and Buck wrapped his lips around it, looking up at him with desperate eyes.</p>
<p>Fuck. Eddie bent over as he sucked him, twisting his fingers in his hair. This was why he'd taken Christopher to his Abuela's early; this was why he'd hardly been able to sleep, thinking about Buck, just being with him… the other shit didn't matter, nothing mattered. He just wanted Buck.</p>
<p>Buck was undoing his belt with one hand, the other squeezing his ass. He broke away long enough to yank Eddie's pants and underwear down his legs, before taking him in his mouth again. Eddie pulled his shirt up and over his head and tossed it aside, planting one knee on the bed, fucking Buck's mouth with quick strokes.</p>
<p>"That's good," he said breathlessly. "That's so good, Buck. That's it. Take it for me, okay? Relax and take it for me."</p>
<p>Buck moaned, sliding off the bed onto the floor, on his knees. He gripped Eddie's ass with both hands and sucked him desperately, urgently, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. Eddie was on the brink when Buck suddenly pulled away and said, "Fuck me, please fuck me," in a voice filled with desperation. "Don't come. I need you to fuck me. I'm yours, please… please, I'm dying for it."</p>
<p>Eddie nodded. Buck grabbed the lube off the bedside table and pressed it into his hands, and then climbed back onto the bed, on all fours, his ass up in the air. Eddie poured some lube onto his finger and pressed it inside – no time to be gentle about it. Buck pushed back against Eddie's finger, and pulling his cheeks apart with his hands. Eddie added a second and more lube, quickening his pace, trying to stretch him out as quickly as possible – all he could think about was shoving his dick into Buck's tight hole and fucking him into oblivion.</p>
<p>"That's good," Buck said. "Fuck me, I'm ready."</p>
<p>Eddie slicked up his dick and pressed the head against Buck's rim. Buck arched his back, spreading wider, and Eddie slowly began to sink inside, filling him up inch by inch.</p>
<p>Buck was moaning, making ragged noises that echoed through the apartment. Eddie filled him up, all the way, and rolled his hips a couple of times, testing. Buck pushed back against him again, insistently, so Eddie planted one hand on his lower back and the other on his hip, and began to thrust. He was slow at first, making sure that Buck was stretched out enough, before quickening his pace.</p>
<p>Buck swore, his hands scrabbling across the bed before finally clutching at the sheets. Eddie bent over him and kissed a spot on his back, before sinking his teeth in. Buck let out a whimper, but Eddie found another spot and did the same thing, and again, keeping up his unrelenting pace.</p>
<p>He wanted Buck bruised; he wanted to claim him, to make him his own. Buck arched his back and moved his hips, groaning when Eddie forced him to stop, holding his hips still, driving his cock inside, over and over. "Oh <em>god</em>," Buck groaned, reaching underneath to stroke himself. "Holy fuck."</p>
<p>Eddie barely realised he still had his jeans and underwear around his legs until he tried to put a knee up on the bed, and promptly fell over on top of Buck, burying himself inside him, forcing them both down onto the bed.</p>
<p>Buck shouted, lifting his hips up, looking over his shoulder at Eddie. "Harder," he moaned, his cheeks flushed red. "Fuck me, fuck me."</p>
<p>Eddie grabbed his hips with both hands and did as he was told. The noises Buck was making were obscene – he was frantically stroking himself in time with Eddie's motions, shaking all over. Needing a breather, Eddie pulled all the way out, until just the tip remained, and watched as he slid back inside, exquisitely slowly. Buck sighed, shaking with pleasure, working his cock with his hand. "Oh Eddie," he moaned. "This is so fucking good."</p>
<p>He needed to get his damn pants off, that was what he needed to do, so when he pulled out again and stepped away, Buck actually whined. He kicked his pants and shoes off and climbed onto the bed, pouring some more lube into Buck's ass and onto his cock. Buck lifted his hips questioningly, but when Eddie grabbed his shoulder and pulled him up so he was kneeling, he did as he was told.</p>
<p>"You're mine," he said in Buck's ear."</p>
<p>"All yours."</p>
<p>Eddie pulled Buck down by the hips, dragging him all the way onto his cock, and held him in place. "If she comes back, you tell her to fuck off."</p>
<p>He nodded breathlessly. "Anything you want."</p>
<p>"Do you want me?"</p>
<p>"More than anything in the world."</p>
<p>Eddie nipped at his earlobe, sliding one hand down his chest, wrapping around his cock. "Show me."</p>
<p>Buck shuddered and did as he was told, fucking himself on Eddie's cock. "So good," he moaned.</p>
<p>"It's just you and me now," Eddie said in his ear, rolling his hips in response, making Buck pant.</p>
<p>"Can I come?"</p>
<p>"No." Eddie wrapped a hand around his throat, and Buck dropped his head back, giving him more access. "I don't want you to go out drinking without me again; I don't want women hanging around you; I don't want girls coming to the station and leaving flowers for you."</p>
<p>"Oh god—"</p>
<p>"If you do, I'll come over here and fuck you so hard you won't walk straight for a week."</p>
<p>"Oh my god—"</p>
<p>"You want to be mine, Buck?"</p>
<p>"Yes, please, please," he begged. "Please."</p>
<p>Eddie released his cock, grabbed him by the hips and fucked him in short, sharp bursts. Buck moaned, falling facedown on the bed, reaching underneath to stroke himself until he was coming, shaking all over, and that was all Eddie needed to let go as well, his orgasm rushing through him like a freight train.</p>
<p>God, they were so fucked.</p>
<p>Once his orgasm had passed he was left with the realisation that he'd never been this jealous or possessive about anyone else he'd ever dated, but the thought of losing Buck was akin to having someone tear his heart from his chest. He wouldn't let it happen; he'd never let it happen.</p>
<p>Buck rolled onto his side and then onto his back, come smeared across his stomach and the sheets. Eddie leaned over and licked it off him without thinking, and then bent over to kiss him again.</p>
<p>"I don't think I can walk. You've wrecked me," Buck muttered.</p>
<p>"Me either." Eddie lay down beside him, closing his eyes. "Jesus."</p>
<p>Buck reached out to take his hand and said quietly, "I love you."</p>
<p>Eddie turned his head to the side, studying him. "You do?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Do you love me?"</p>
<p>The words were right on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't spit them out. Instead he leaned in and kissed Buck again, hoping that would convey everything that he felt for him – and when he pulled away Buck was grinning up at him, so he guessed it worked.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>FUCK.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Everything I do backfires! You went running over there this morning and you both walked out a couple of hours later, looking well-fucked and thoroughly satisfied with yourselves. He even kissed you, out in the open, and you let him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Honestly, Eddie, I don't know what you're thinking!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, it's fine. I just need to get you alone, that's all. We need to have a meet cute, Eddie, even though we already had one, but you seem to have forgotten it. So I'll make you remember.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Dad, I'm bored," Christopher complained as they rode the escalator to the second level of the mall. "You're taking too long. Just pick something."</p>
<p>"It has to be perfect," Eddie said, helping Christopher off the escalator and pointing to the jewellery store. "Buck needs a new watch, so I have to find him the perfect one."</p>
<p>"But we've looked at fifty already," Christopher groaned.</p>
<p>"I know, I know. Just one more shop, okay? And then we'll go get ice cream."</p>
<p>Christopher pouted, but followed him into the store. Eddie led him to the watches and peered through the glass, trying to find something decent. The shop assistants were all busy serving other customers. That was fine by him - he needed time to make a decision.</p>
<p>Thankfully, this shop had more what he was looking for – a heavy duty watch with a few bells and whistles (Buck liked the bells and whistles) – and he found a Citizen one in his price range. He was googling for reviews when a female voice said, "That's a good one."</p>
<p>Thinking it was a cashier, he glanced over, and found her standing beside him – long, wavy blonde hair, perfectly pink lips, tall and slim. It was her eyes that made him stop – they were a funny colour, a vivid green that he'd never seen before. Contacts, he guessed. He felt like he'd met her somewhere before.</p>
<p>"You know about watches?" he asked, a little helplessly.</p>
<p>She smiled. "Well, I bought that one for my ex-boyfriend and he really liked it, so… I mean, if you can trust the review of a guy who thinks Red Bull is a good and healthy substitute for coffee in the morning."</p>
<p>"Sounds like a keeper; not sure why you dumped him."</p>
<p>She laughed. "Ah, that's nice of you, to say that I dumped him. Anyway, he had a physical job, so it was a good watch for him."</p>
<p>Eddie nodded, looking down at it again. "What did he do?"</p>
<p>"At the time he was working in the Coast Guard, but now I don't know. I'm Stacey, by the way," she said, holding her hand out.</p>
<p>He shook it. "Eddie. And this is my son, Christopher."</p>
<p>Christopher flashed a smile, but was almost entirely disinterested in the conversation.</p>
<p>"Cute kid," she replied. "Are you buying for your brother, or…"</p>
<p>"Uh, my best friend," he replied. "We're firefighters. He's had the same watch for a couple of years and it's all banged up. I thought I'd get him a new one."</p>
<p>"Oh," she said with surprise, her eyes widening. "I thought I recognised you! Um, I was… I was in an accident, on the freeway? I was a bit out of it, but… I'm sure it was you that pulled me out of the car. Eddie, that makes sense."</p>
<p>So <em>that was where he knew her from.</em> "Right," he said, and tapped his head. "Sorry. I see a lot of people."</p>
<p>"That's okay. Thank you so much for that, by the way. The doctors were worried I had a concussion but all the scans and everything came back clear."</p>
<p>"I'm glad you're all right; you got lucky. That was a really nasty collision. Your car must've been written off."</p>
<p>She nodded ruefully. "Unfortunately, yes, so I'm in the market for something else when the insurance money comes in. Can I ask you, do you know who caused the accident?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, the guy in the yellow Porsche rear-ended another car and started the chain reaction," he replied. "You were actually lucky to be where you were, right up against the barrier. You were protected a bit."</p>
<p>Stacey nodded, looking a little uncertain. "I never want to go through that again."</p>
<p>"I can believe that." Eddie looked down at the watch again, and said, "So this is the one?"</p>
<p>"Do it, man. He'll love it."</p>
<p>"Awesome. Thanks."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You thanked me again as we left the shop, and shook my hand. I wanted to ask you if I could buy you a coffee but your kid looked tired and I figured the answer would be no, so I mentioned about the brownies and you said you loved them, and I said I'd drop by another batch as another thank you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So maybe I'll stop in and see you at work.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Also, the watch you picked out? It's expensive, but it's not that great. He'll probably go back to using his old one.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And my ex-boyfriend?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, not sure what happened there. They never did find the body.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Trigger warnings:</p>
<p>* Buck lost his virginity pretty young (15) to an 18 year old girl - it was consensual.</p>
<p>* Buck and Eddie have a little bit of consensual rough sex.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Another round?" Hen asked, leaning over the table. "Come on, let's get drunk."</p>
<p>"You're a mother," Buck teased.</p>
<p>"Yeah, and my kids are with their grandparents all night," she said, shaking her hips, "and I want to <em>party.</em>"</p>
<p>"I'll get it," Eddie offered, rising out of his seat, but she planted a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down.</p>
<p>"No, no, this is my treat. Two more beers, coming up."</p>
<p>Eddie grinned at Buck, shaking his head. "How many has she had?"</p>
<p>"Too many at this point." Buck smiled at him from across the table. He was wearing a white t-shirt and a black jacket – Eddie realised how drunk he was when he started thinking about how nice Buck always looked in black and white. Buck looked nice in everything.</p>
<p>They hadn't hooked up again. It had been five days. Things were mostly back to normal – Buck was spending all his free time at their house, and they usually made out on the couch after Christopher went to bed. Buck's birthday was on Saturday and Eddie had the watch all wrapped up for him – he'd taken it back, in the end, and traded it in for a different one. He decided Buck deserved better.</p>
<p>Buck was staring at him. His eyes were full of promise.</p>
<p>He wanted him again tonight; wanted to leave everyone and just take off with Buck, alone. Christopher was with his Abuela, so they had all night, but he wasn't sure how they would sneak away, not with the whole group there.</p>
<p>He wasn't feeling great anyway - tired and achy, irritable. He wondered if he was coming down with Christopher's cold – his throat was scratchy. Beer would help; more beer, and when Hen set the bottle down in front of him, he drank half of it immediately.</p>
<p>Buck said, "Slow down, Eds."</p>
<p>Eddie looked over at him again. God, he wanted everything but he had no idea how to ask for it. He wanted Buck forever, all to himself. He wanted him every single day of his life, he wanted… he wanted to stop feeling so unhappy all the time, like his life was going nowhere, like all he was ever going to be was Christopher's dad. He wanted excitement again… again? No, he wanted excitement for the first time because he'd never fucking had it before, never really been in love.</p>
<p>
  <em>Sorry Shannon, sorry… </em>
</p>
<p>He didn't even think about her anymore. Christopher didn't really ask about her or mention her. He was such a shitty father. Such a fucking misery.</p>
<p>"Hey," Buck said to him, leaning across the table. Their friends were singing karaoke and dancing, and they were together in the corner, because Buck wouldn't leave him alone. Even if he wanted to be somewhere else, he'd still stay with Eddie. That was how it worked. That was how they worked.</p>
<p>Once his parents had said that he was going to drag Christopher down with him, but it wasn't Christopher – it was Buck. Eddie was going to ruin Buck's life.</p>
<p>Buck said his name, and Eddie looked over at him, his vision swimming. Buck smiled at him, his eyebrows lifting, and Eddie thought about how he'd bent him over and fucked him so hard he'd left bruises on his hips. He'd done that to Buck, who was so beautiful, so pretty… he just wanted to stare at him forever; he was so <em>lovely.</em></p>
<p>"I am?" Buck asked softly. "You think I'm lovely?"</p>
<p>He'd said that aloud. He clapped a hand over his face, groaning, shaking his head, ignoring Buck's gentle laughter from across the table.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>I found you. I followed you all to the bar, all of your friends, gathered together for a party. You're here, and you're sitting with him in the back. You don't look happy. He keeps trying to engage with you, but you're in your own little world, nursing a beer. What are you thinking about? Why does he make you so unhappy?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Do I need to take care of this for you?</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Things were really fuzzy around the edges. Buck had given up trying to talk to him and instead was just smiling at him softly, reassuringly. Eddie rested his head on his hands and stared into those blue eyes of his. Sometimes he wished he was braver; that he could just say everything that he was feeling, but he <em>couldn't.</em> It was all buried down inside in the depths of his heart where nobody could see.</p>
<p>Nobody except Buck, who always looked at him like he knew exactly what Eddie was thinking.</p>
<p>Maybe he did. Sometimes he'd say something, and it was the exact thing that Eddie had just been thinking about.</p>
<p>Sometimes they'd look at each other and Eddie would know what he was thinking. He'd never had that before, with anyone. He'd never known what Shannon was thinking.</p>
<p>And Shannon was dead; she'd fucking died and they'd never really resolved anything.</p>
<p>Would she even want Buck to replace her? Probably not.</p>
<p>She'd asked him once if he was gay, when they stopped having sex for a while… he lied to her then. He lied to her all the time about everything. He didn't want to lie to Buck – beautiful Buck, who had turned down every request from their friends to sing with them, and instead stayed right by Eddie's side, gazing at him adoringly.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You're staring at him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Everyone can see you two staring at each other – everyone is watching you. They're all talking about you behind your back, Eddie, and you can't take your eyes off him. It's like there's nobody else in the room.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>God damn it – what are you doing? You're supposed to see me! I'm the one you're supposed to fall in love with! I'm the one who can have your future children! You're throwing yourself away to be with him? Eddie, you could have me. All of me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Please, just look at me! Didn't we have a connection, a spark? Why are you so invested in him?</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>He was properly drunk. He'd lost track of how many he'd had, and Buck had cut him off after the last one.</p>
<p>He had no idea what was going on around him; he was only focused on Buck, who was right in front of him, the only thing he could see. Buck licking his lips; Buck smiling and laughing; Buck's blue eyes; Buck's birthmark.</p>
<p>Buck.</p>
<p>He stood, swaying as the room began to spin. Buck let out a laugh and stood as well, wrapping one arm around his waist to steady him. "You okay, Eds?"</p>
<p>"Need to take a leak."</p>
<p>"All right, let's go."</p>
<p>Buck guided him through the crowded bar and out to the men's bathroom. Eddie's legs were wobbly, and he didn't really need to go – he just wanted to get Buck alone. He grabbed Buck's hand and dragged him down a back hallway, where it was dark and quiet – no one around.</p>
<p>Buck said, "The toilets are back out there—"</p>
<p>And Eddie kissed him. He shoved him up against the wall and kissed him roughly, and Buck immediately surrendered to him – for a few moments, before shoving Eddie up against the opposite wall, grabbing his thighs and physically lifting him up.</p>
<p>Eddie melted into his arms.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>No, no, no.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're kissing him now, and he's kissing you back – he's pushing you up against the wall, oh my god. It's hot – I mean, it's super hot – but you're meant to be with me. You're actually in his arms; your feet aren't on the floor – he's holding you up with one hand, and the other is up underneath your shirt. He's taller than you, but he's lifted you up so high that you're looking down at him, and he's practically sucking your tongue, and you're moaning – god! This is so unfair!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just when I'm starting to think he's going to fuck you right here, he regains his senses and pulls away, still holding you up in his arms. You're staring at him, your mouth open, breathing heavily - you're meant to be staring at me. You're looking at him like he's a fucking god or something, and he's looking at you the exact same way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then he lowers you to the ground and pulls away, and my heart leaps. You reach for him, and he pulls away.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"We can't do this," Buck said, breathing heavily. "You're drunk."</p>
<p>"I want you," Eddie begged, swaying, undoing the top button of his shirt. "Please, please, Buck."</p>
<p>"You're drunk, Eds, you're so drunk. I can't do this with you here, where there are people around, and you're… it's not a good idea."</p>
<p>Eddie hit his head against the wall in frustration. He was so fucking horny; he just wanted Buck to touch him. "Please?" he heard himself whimper.</p>
<p>"Oh, Eds," Buck said, leaning in again. "I'll take you home."</p>
<p>"To bed?"</p>
<p>"Just to sleep, okay? You're so drunk; it's not right. We can't do this now."</p>
<p>God fucking <em>damn it.</em></p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You leave with him. His arm is around your shoulders; you're unsteady on your feet. You climb into the passenger side of his Jeep.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I follow you to his apartment building.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll let myself in one day. I'm good at picking locks, did you know that? I always have been; it's a gift. I'll let myself into his apartment and have a look around; see what I'm up against here. Is this person a threat? Should I take out the threat, or will you make a choice?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I sit outside all night. In the early morning you emerge – very early, I'm guessing he's not awake yet. Your clothes are rumpled and you look hungover. An Uber pulls up and you climb into it, and I follow you to your house.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm just looking out for you, Eddie. I'm a great judge of character and I can tell that this Buck person is not the right fit for you. I haven't known you that long, but I can see how unhappy he makes you. I could be the one to chase the blues away, you know? I could be the one to make you smile.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie called in sick, for the first time in his life.</p>
<p>He'd definitely caught Chris's cold, and that coupled with his hangover meant that he was laid out on the couch, sniffling and coughing. Carla and Christopher arrived home, and she immediately went to the bathroom to retrieve the thermometer while he lay there listlessly.</p>
<p>"Dad?" Christopher asked worriedly. "Are you all right?"</p>
<p>"I'm sick," he said, well aware of how pathetic he sounded. "Maybe we'll see if you can stay with Abuela again tonight, buddy."</p>
<p>Christopher looked up at Carla, who leaned over Eddie to check his temperature. "You've got a bit of a fever," she said, clucking her tongue. "Are you going to be okay here on your own? What's Buck doing tonight?"</p>
<p>"He's working. I called in sick." Eddie rubbed his face and sat up.</p>
<p>Christopher hovered near him, wanting a hug. "Dad, I don't want you to stay here alone. I think you should call Buck."</p>
<p>"Buck's at work. I can't call him. I'll be fine; I've been sick before. I'm all right." He reached out to ruffle Christopher's hair. "Don't worry, mijo. It's just a head cold."</p>
<p>"I gave it to you," Christopher said unhappily, looking up at Carla. "Right?"</p>
<p>"You two could've picked these things up from anywhere. Your dad is around sick people all the time." Carla rubbed Eddie's back reassuringly. "All right. I'm going to make sure you've got some food in the fridge, and I'll take Christopher to Abuela's. You get some rest, Eddie."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Eddie was dozing on the couch when Buck called him in the early afternoon. He fumbled to find his phone on the coffee table, and held it up – Buck wanted to Facetime with him, so he accepted, despite looking and feeling like shit.</p>
<p>Buck's worried face filled the screen. "Bobby said you're sick. Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"I finally caught Christopher's cold," he said, his voice thick. "Don't think getting blind drunk last night helped."</p>
<p>"Probably not." Buck was chewing on his lower lip. "I'm working tonight. I can't come over."</p>
<p>"You shouldn't anyway; you'll probably get sick too, you know…" he trailed off. They'd kissed in the hallway and then again at Buck's house, and Eddie had spent the night in his bed with him. "Shit. Sorry, man."</p>
<p>"I don't care about that," Buck replied. He was at the station, but outside for privacy, leaning up against the wall of the building. "You weren't happy last night. What's going on?"</p>
<p>He shook his head, making a face. "Just… stuff. It's not you. Listen, I'm all right, it's just a cold – stay away, but… it's probably too late, right?"</p>
<p>"My immune system is pretty fucking good."</p>
<p>"Okay, but seriously, I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow."</p>
<p>"I'll call you tonight," Buck replied, smiling through the phone screen at him. "And Eds, I know you're sick and I know it's your comfort food, but do not eat that whole box of Pop Tarts in your pantry, all right?"</p>
<p>He glanced at the coffee table guiltily, where the crumbs of the last two were scattered across a plate. "Um, okay, I won't."</p>
<p>Buck narrowed his eyes. "You already did."</p>
<p>"Well, I was hungry," he complained, pressing a hand to his forehead, "and I've got a headache, Buck, and I'm tired, and I don't feel like making anything—"</p>
<p>Buck was laughing. "All right, all right," he said. "What flavour are you into these days?"</p>
<p>"Just chocolate. The s'mores ones are good too." Eddie gazed at him hopefully. "You could get me some more and leave them on the front step?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, maybe." Buck gazed at him affectionately. "Love you."</p>
<p>He nodded, smiling back at him. "Yep."</p>
<p>"Get some rest, Eds."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You're home alone again. Your son and his baby-sitter have left, and you're home alone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wait until dark. Nobody is around, and I'm dressed all in black. I walk right around the side of your house to the window, and peer inside.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're on the couch – oh, you're sick. There's a box of tissues there. Now, see, if you'd noticed me at the bar, if you'd called me after I made you those brownies, I could be here with you, but you didn't. That's on you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And you're lucky I love you so much and I've given you a second chance, Eddie. I don't often give people a second chance but you're different.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I watch you for a while. I can be silent and still, as long as it takes. I've had a lot of practice. You watch TV and sleep, on and off. You don't eat or drink water – very bad.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And then headlights light up the yard, but I stay where I am. There are footsteps on the pathway – heavy footsteps, a man, and I watch as Buck lets himself into your house as if he lives there as well, walks right over to you on the couch, still in his uniform, and presses his free hand to your forehead. In his other he holds a bag of groceries.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You look exhausted and tired; he kneels beside the couch and talks to you seriously. I think he left work to come check on you, which is sort of sweet, if I didn't want to get him the fuck out of my way.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He makes you some food – grilled cheese and tomato soup, it looks like – and forces you to drink some water. He sits beside you on the couch while you eat and rubs your back, checking his watch every now and then. He has to go back to work, but he came to check on you, because he loves you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I think you love him too, which is the worst thing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I want you to love me. I want you to want me, Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm going to get rid of him for you.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>After Buck left, Eddie flicked off the overhead lights and collapsed on the couch again, shoving a tissue up his nose. He flicked on the TV and searched through Netflix, his eyes glazing over, before finally selecting a show with Paul Rudd and settling down to watch it. He happened to be looking in the direction of the window along the side of his house when the screen went black – someone was standing there, silhouetted against the glass.</p>
<p>He froze.</p>
<p>The screen lit up again as the show began to play. He fumbled to pause it, sitting up, looking over at the window.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Uh oh. Do you see me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It looks like you've seen me. I better leave. Things to do, my love. Things to take care of for us.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>He stood up, flicking on the overhead lights again, and went to the window. Nervously he unlocked it and then lifted it up – there was nothing there. Nobody. The yard was silent, trees rustling in the wind.</p>
<p>He let out a breath, lowering the window again, double-checking that it was locked. He then went around to every window in the house and made sure they were all locked too, and checked the front and back doors. The house was secure.</p>
<p>He was just sick and paranoid, he was sure, but… it definitely looked like the outline of a person, standing at his window. Maybe he was losing his mind.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>"Can you take Christopher?" Eddie asked, his voice still thick with mucus. He'd been fighting his cold for three days, exhausted, and Buck was standing in his living room worriedly, on his day off, having come over to… fret? He had no idea.</p>
<p>He coughed, hacking up some phlegm, and went into the kitchen to spit it into the sink.</p>
<p>"You should go to a doctor," Buck said from behind him. "That sounds like it's on your chest, dude."</p>
<p>"It's fine." Eddie rinsed his mouth out with water and turned to face him miserably. "Buck, can you please… I just need to sleep. I'm so tired."</p>
<p>"I'll take him," Buck replied. "Is there anything you want me to do before I go? Change the sheets? Anything like that?"</p>
<p>Changing the sheets would be so good… he'd sweated all over them. He gave Buck a miserable nod, and when Buck smiled at him, he said, "That would be great if you could, but if you've gotta go…"</p>
<p>"I came over here to make sure you're all right," Buck said gently. "Go and sit on the couch, and I'll make your bed for you, put on some washing, and then Chris and I will go out for a few hours so you can get some rest."</p>
<p>"Thank you," he mumbled.</p>
<p>"You're welcome." Buck gently enfolded him into a hug, kissing his forehead. Eddie tucked his head against his shoulder and sighed, letting Buck sway him back and forth.</p>
<p>"I missed you."</p>
<p>"Well, if you'd let me come over and help…"</p>
<p>"I didn't want you to get sick as well."</p>
<p>Buck kissed him again. "My immune system is top notch. Go on – rest on the couch. I'll get everything set up and then we'll go."</p>
<p>Eddie nodded, pulling out of his arms, reaching for the box of tissues on the counter. "Um…" he said, glancing at him uncertainly. "I ran out of Pop Tarts again."</p>
<p>Buck planted a hand on his hip, shaking his head at him. "I told you not to eat them all."</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>It was a busy Saturday lunchtime at the movies. Buck let Christopher pick what he wanted to see – the latest Disney release – and they lined up for tickets and food. Buck only drank soda when he was at the movies so he bought a large cup of Coke for himself, a small cup of Coke for Christopher and a tub of popcorn for them to share, as well as a bag of M&amp;M's. As they were walking to the theatre he realised Christopher's shoelaces had come undone, and set their food down on a nearby table, bending down to tie them up for him.</p>
<p>"Thanks Buck," Christopher said.</p>
<p>"You're welcome, buddy. Let's go." He straightened up, collecting their food, and led Christopher to the cinema.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>I mean, I was honestly thinking that I wouldn't have an opportunity to do this, but it was almost too easy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He was distracted for a whole two minutes, tying up your kid's shoes – long enough for me to lace his drink with LSD. And I mean, I really hope the bigger cup is for him, because if it's not… sorry, Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I just want to see what you'll do when you find out your boy was on drugs while he was looking after your kid, that's all.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Around half an hour into the movie, Buck began to sniffle. His eyes were itchy, and he struggled to keep them open. His vision was blurring around the edges, turning fuzzy.</p>
<p><em>I bet I've caught Eddie's cold</em>, he thought unhappily.</p>
<p>Five minutes later bright spots and sparks danced in front of his eyes. He vaguely wondered if he was having a stroke, goosebumps rippling all over his body, sweat dripping down the back of his neck. And then Eddie walked across the movie screen and started conversing with the main characters, dressed in his turnout coat and gear, and that's when Buck realised he was tripping.</p>
<p>He had to retain some semblance of control, so he leaned over and whispered to Christopher that he needed to use the bathroom. Christopher nodded at him, his eyes trained on the screen, stuffing popcorn in his mouth.</p>
<p>Buck had the presence of mind to take his soda with him outside to the hallway, which was as far as he made it before he sank to the ground, staring at a parade of neon dinosaurs as they marched past him to the lobby.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>Some time passed. The dinosaurs marched for a while. He remembered he was tripping and pulled his phone out of his pocket, staring at it intensely, willing it to call Athena for him. Maybe he said, "Call Athena," because suddenly her picture was flashing on the screen, and her voice came through the speakers.</p>
<p>"Buckaroo! What can I do for you today?"</p>
<p>"Athena," he said, an explosion of colour blurring his vision again. "Athena. Help."</p>
<p>"Help? What's wrong?"</p>
<p>"I need help."</p>
<p>"Where are you, Buck?" she asked him urgently.</p>
<p>"At the movies. AMC Century City. I think?"</p>
<p>"Bobby and I are on our way. Tell me what's happened."</p>
<p>He looked up at the ceiling, which was a mistake, because it was a river of fire. "Oh god."</p>
<p>"Buckaroo! Tell me what's going on!"</p>
<p>His jaw fell open, the phone forgotten. "Oh my god."</p>
<p>"Buck!" She sounded very far away, distant, like a distant memory…</p>
<p>He wondered what Eddie was doing.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie was asleep when his phone began to blare, and he sat up like a shot, looking around in confusion before reaching over to grab it. Bobby's picture was flashing on the screen.</p>
<p>He tried to clear his throat before he answered, but he swiped the screen and managed a garbled, "Hello?"</p>
<p>"Jeez, Eddie," Bobby said sympathetically. "You sound awful."</p>
<p>"Hang on." He set the phone down and coughed violently, which caused him to sneeze, and he was fumbling for the tissues to wipe his nose when he held the phone to his ear again. "What's up?"</p>
<p>"Athena just had a strange call from Buck. He asked for help; he said he was at the movies in Century City, and then he hung up. Do you know where he is?"</p>
<p>Eddie threw the covers off, filled with panic in an instant. "He's with Christopher! He asked for help? What did he say? Why didn't he call me?"</p>
<p>"I don't know, Eddie, but we're nearly there. Do you know which cinema?"</p>
<p>"Whatever is showing Disney," he said hoarsely, stumbling out of the bedroom. "I'm on my way."</p>
<p>"Eddie – no," Bobby said firmly. "You're in no condition to drive. Stay there. As soon as I find them, I'll call you back. We're pulling in now, all right?"</p>
<p>"Okay," he agreed, stopping in the kitchen, his heart pounding. "Call me as soon as you have Christopher, okay?"</p>
<p>"I will."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>"Sir, are you all right?"</p>
<p>Someone was looming over him, in and out of his vision.</p>
<p>He blinked – it was like there was a murky film over his eyes and he couldn't see anything other than the blinding colours and shapes in his head.</p>
<p>"Sir?" Someone shook his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Buck!" a familiar voice called.</p>
<p>That sounded like Athena. Wait, he was meant to call Athena, wasn't he? Because… something had happened; he had something to tell her – but the colours, and… space and time and energy and all of that stuff, and Eddie, beautiful Eddie…</p>
<p>"Buckaroo," her voice came in sharply, and hands were gripping his shoulders. "Buck, open your eyes and look at me. Where's Christopher?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Christopher.</em>
</p>
<p>He opened his eyes – the world was so bright, so fucking bright, and he wanted to go back to the galaxies he'd spotted as he was flying through space, they weren't bright like this, like the sun was burning his eyes out of his head – and looked at her. Bobby was standing behind her, his phone to his ear.</p>
<p>"Eddie?" he asked, and then shook his head. No, Eddie was… Eddie wasn't there. "Christopher! Chris… he's in the theatre."</p>
<p>Athena nodded up at Bobby, who disappeared through the doors. She touched his face with concern and said, "Buck, what happened?"</p>
<p>What happened? Well, that was a whole story.</p>
<p>Two years ago a beautiful man named Eddie Diaz had made his world bright again, and introduced him to his equally beautiful son, Christopher, and they'd let Buck into their lives – but now Eddie was flying through space and Buck was stuck on the ground without him, so he closed his eyes again, and there he was.</p>
<p>"<em>Eddie.</em>"</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie was pacing in the living room when Bobby's car pulled up in his driveway. He rushed outside to greet them – Bobby stepped out of the driver's side and then opened the back door, where Christopher was buckled in.</p>
<p>"Daddy, what happened to Buck?" Christopher asked worriedly, undoing his seatbelt. "He just disappeared; he didn't come back inside."</p>
<p>Eddie glanced at Bobby, who was off to the side with his phone to his ear, talking to Athena. "I'm not sure, buddy. I need to talk to Bobby. Here, come inside."</p>
<p>"I didn't get to see the end of the movie."</p>
<p>"I'll take you when I'm feeling better, all right?" Eddie hugged him tightly before helping out of the car. "Come on."</p>
<p>Once Christopher was settled in front of the television, and Eddie had retreated to the bathroom to violently cough and sneeze again, he sat down with Bobby in the kitchen and tried to down a glass of water. "What the fuck happened?" he asked in a low voice. "Where's Buck?"</p>
<p>"Athena called an ambulance to take him to the hospital. Someone put something in his drink," Bobby replied quietly. "He was out of it when we got there. He had enough presence of mind to call, but not enough to give us any idea of who may have done it."</p>
<p>"And Christopher—"</p>
<p>"He's fine, the paramedics checked him out. Totally fine."</p>
<p>He let out a breath, pressing both hands to his face. "What the fuck is going on?"</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"The weird flowers, for one, right, and now this?"</p>
<p>"Could just be a coincidence," Bobby replied. "Some kids probably thought it was funny to dose drinks at the movie theatre—"</p>
<p>"I bet he's the only one, though," Eddie said flatly. "Where is he?"</p>
<p>"He's at the hospital. Maddie is on her way there; Athena's going to wait as well. He was really out of it, so… I guess they can just make him comfortable until it passes." Bobby gave him a long look. "What's going on with you two?"</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"Come on, Eddie, we can all see it. Things have changed. You're not just friends anymore, are you? You and Buck are… dating."</p>
<p>He shook his head. "We're not dating."</p>
<p>"Okay, fine, but you're not just friends anymore either." Bobby tilted his head towards the pictures stuck on the fridge – Christopher's drawings, which now all featured Buck. "That's more than enough proof."</p>
<p>Eddie made a face and sniffled – his nose was running again and he felt like his eyes were going to fall out of his head. "Maybe," he acquiesced.</p>
<p>"Maybe. Okay." Bobby rubbed the back of his neck and said, "You know I just want you guys to be happy. You know that, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I know." He snatched a handful of tissues and pressed them to his nose.</p>
<p>"You'll talk to me about it when you're ready, I guess." Bobby pushed his chair out. "I'm going to go to the hospital to check on him. I'll call you when I find out what's going on."</p>
<p>"That'd be great," he said gratefully, rising to his feet. "Maybe I can talk to him."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Bobby called Eddie from the hospital and said, "Eddie, you're not going to be able to talk to him. He's out cold."</p>
<p>Eddie began to pace around his bedroom, gnawing on his thumbnail. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"They've given him a sedative; apparently things took a nasty turn. They did a blood test – he was dosed with a high concentration of LSD, so… they're keeping him in tonight. If he's okay in the morning they'll send him home. He's got Maddie here with him, and I'm going to stay as well, so don't you worry. All right?"</p>
<p>"I could come to the hospital—"</p>
<p>"Eddie, please don't," Bobby cut in. "He's asleep. You'll see him tomorrow, I promise. I'll even drive him over to your place myself if that's what he wants, but for right now, both of you just need to get some rest. Athena is on the case; she'll figure this out. Trust me."</p>
<p>He nodded, swallowing hard. "Okay."</p>
<p>"Get some rest, Eddie. We would like you back at work sooner rather than later."</p>
<p>"Yep. Okay."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, so… that did not go as planned.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I didn't expect him to have the presence of mind to call for help and I certainly didn't expect your Captain and his police officer wife to come charging into the movie theatre to save him – honestly, I am concerned about this group of people in your life, it seems incredibly co-dependent to rely so much on your co-workers.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And now he's in hospital (maybe I gave him too much, oops) and you're at home with your kid, but when you're not with your kid you're wandering around, looking sick and tired, and checking your phone constantly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I kinda hoped he'd… get into a car wreck, you know?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You'd never forgive him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But… that's okay. We move on and adapt. I can figure this out.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Eddie, you look like death warmed up," Carla remarked, one eyebrow raised. "I told you to go to the doctor."</p>
<p>"I'm fine." He pulled his hood down on his head and sipped his coffee. "On the mend."</p>
<p>"Mmm." Carla stood at the table. "Christopher, we're going to be late."</p>
<p>"I'm coming!"</p>
<p>Eddie looked up at her. "Thanks for this."</p>
<p>"Well, you can make it up to me by making an appointment with your doctor." Carla checked her watch. "Any news on Buck?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "Bobby was going to call me this morning to let me know… but he hasn't. I don't know if that's good or bad."</p>
<p>"No news is good news. They're probably discharging him as we speak." She patted his shoulder, and beamed at Christopher as he made his way down the hall. "Let's get going! Big morning planned!"</p>
<p>"Thank you," he said to her again.</p>
<p>Carla shot him a pointed look. "Call your doctor."</p>
<p>He waved her away. He was getting better, slowly but surely. He just felt like death and ached all over and was tired all the time, but other than that, he was definitely on the mend.</p>
<p>Eddie collapsed in bed after they left, pulling the blanket up and over his head. He hadn't been planning on falling into a deep sleep but soon he was out like a light, sprawled across the bed, one arm dangling over the side.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Buck found him in bed and sat with his back to the dresser on the floor, closing his eyes. Bobby had given him a lift from the hospital – he'd ignored Maddie pleading with him to go home with her, and instead just… needed to be somewhere safe.</p>
<p>He didn't remember much of it. There were hallucinations that were fun for a while but then things had taken a dark turn at the hospital, and then it was lights out. He felt like he'd lost a day of his life.</p>
<p>Athena had no real leads – they were combing the security camera footage from the cinema to try and figure out when it could've happened. Nobody else had reported anything, and they'd interviewed the staff extensively, but… whether it was random or some kind of targeted attack, they couldn't say.</p>
<p>He only realised Eddie was awake when his fingers grasped his chin and turned his face toward him. Eddie was still sick, with dark circles under his eyes. He'd blown his nose so much that the skin on his nostrils was cracked and dry. His voice was hoarse when he whispered, "Hey, are you all right?"</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm okay."</p>
<p>"I was so fucking worried about you." Eddie propped himself up on his elbow. "I wanted to come to the hospital but Bobby said I should probably stay away."</p>
<p>"You wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway." Buck swallowed hard, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm so sorry this happened while I had Christopher. I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>"It's not your fault, at all."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but… if anything happened to that kid while he was with me, I'd never forgive myself; I'd never get over it. You'd never forgive me." Buck wiped his eyes, clearing his throat. "What if I hadn't had the sense to call Athena? What if I'd tried to drive?"</p>
<p>"From what Bobby told me, you were incapable of doing almost anything," Eddie replied. "So don't be too hard on yourself. Christopher is fine; he had no idea that anything was wrong. You did good."</p>
<p>Buck nodded, glancing at him guiltily. "I just feel like shit. Who the fuck would do something like that?"</p>
<p>"I don't know." Eddie sat up, throwing his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing his face. "Jesus, I'm tired. You must be exhausted too."</p>
<p>"I've been sleeping for like eighteen hours," Buck replied. "I can take care of stuff around here if you want me to. Are you hungry?"</p>
<p>"Starving," he admitted. "You didn't bring me any Pop Tarts."</p>
<p>Buck grinned at him. "I'll get you some," he promised. "But you do have to eat some healthy food as well."</p>
<p>"Okay, deal." Eddie reached out to run his fingers through his hair, and then sank down onto his knees on the floor in front of him, clasping his face with both hands. Buck gazed at him wonderingly, but smiled when Eddie tipped his head back and forth, as though examining him. "You're all right," he finally said, raising his eyebrows a little. "Aren't you?"</p>
<p>"I'm okay now."</p>
<p>"Stay here with us tonight, tomorrow… as long as you need to. I talked to Chris last night; I told him that you and I are more than friends now; that things are changing but that it means you'll be around more. So you don't have to sleep on the couch anymore; you can sleep in here with me. He understands."</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him, suddenly on the verge of tears. "You told him?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Eddie murmured, and then began to cough, doubling over. He rested a hand on Buck's shoulder to steady himself, before clearing his throat and lifting his head. "God, I feel like shit."</p>
<p>"That sounds like it's on your chest, you know."</p>
<p>"That's what Carla said. It'll be all right." Eddie leaned in to kiss his forehead and then stood. "Do you mind if I sleep for a bit?"</p>
<p>Buck stood as well, helping Eddie back into bed. "I think you need to see a doctor."</p>
<p>"What I need is some more sleep, and for everything to go back to normal." Eddie pulled the blankets up, turning on his side.</p>
<p>"I'll make you some lunch," Buck said, tucking him in. "Get some rest."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie was awake when Carla and Christopher returned from their day out. Christopher shrieked with joy when he realised Buck was there, and Eddie listened to Buck apologise to him profusely about the movies and promise to make it up to him.</p>
<p>Carla checked Eddie's temperature with a scowl on her face. "Did you make an appointment?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "No."</p>
<p>"<em>Eddie.</em>"</p>
<p>"It's just a cold, it will go away," he said stubbornly. "I'm fine."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but colds turn into worse things, and just because you're fit and healthy doesn't mean you're immune," she pointed out. "Christopher needs you well. Do me a favour and go to the doctor."</p>
<p>"For a cold? There's nothing a doctor can do – I can't take antibiotics, can I? It's bed rest and fluids and all that," Eddie replied. "So that's what I'm doing, and Buck's here now, so—"</p>
<p>"Yeah, Buck's here." Carla had her hand on her hip, her eyes trained on him. "What's going on with you and Buck?"</p>
<p>"We're… figuring that out."</p>
<p>"Mmm." She glanced over at Buck and Christopher, who were talking in the kitchen. "Okay. You didn't know him when he was with Abby, so let me tell you something – if you let him, that boy will love you with his whole heart, and he will never let you go. You two would be so good for each other."</p>
<p>He nodded. "I know."</p>
<p>"Good." Carla patted his leg, and looked over at the side window. "By the way, I don't know what you've been doing but there are streaks all over that window. I meant to say something to you the other day but you were pretty out of it."</p>
<p>"Huh?" he asked, struggling to sit up. Buck and Christopher emerged from the kitchen, and Carla went over to give Buck a hug and a kiss while Eddie went to investigate the window. Sure enough, there were finger smudges on the glass. His blood ran cold – he'd almost forgotten about the figure in the window the other night, in a haze of sickness.</p>
<p>He was standing there, frozen in place, when Buck came up behind him. Eddie jumped, and Buck jumped as well, looking at him in confusion. "What's wrong?"</p>
<p>"There are marks all over the window," Eddie said quietly. "Look."</p>
<p>Buck leaned in beside him, running his finger on the glass and said, "That's on the outside, Eds." He gave him a meaningful look, the implication clear – <em>someone's been looking in your window.</em> "Stay here, I'll go investigate."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Buck went around the side of the house, his phone in his hand. There were footprints in the dirt below the side window, and smudges on the glass – he took photos and sent them to Athena, with the question – <em>'At Eddie's house – someone has been looking through the window – what do you think?</em>'</p>
<p>He walked around the entire perimeter of the house, looking for any further clues, but there was nothing as far as he could see. Athena's message came through – <em>'I can come over, talk to Eddie, see if he's noticed anything else. There have been some break-ins in his area. Someone could've cased the place.'</em></p>
<p>'<em>I'll talk to him</em>,' Buck texted back, and went inside.</p>
<p>Eddie was curled up on the couch again, under the blanket, sick and miserable. Christopher was in his room – Buck could hear the distinct metallic clinks of his matchbox cars on the racetrack he'd built for him. Buck sat down on the coffee table across from him and said, "Athena says there have been some break-ins around here recently. That could be it; someone was casing the place and found you were home."</p>
<p>"I saw them, at the window," Eddie replied. His voice was thick and clogged with mucus. "The other night. I saw a person at the window."</p>
<p>"Why didn't you say something to me?"</p>
<p>"Because I was out of it; I thought I was seeing things." Eddie threw an arm over his eyes. "I forgot all about it, with everything that's happened since."</p>
<p>"You want me to handle it?"</p>
<p>"Yes, do whatever you want."</p>
<p>Buck kissed his cheek and rose to his feet, fishing his phone out of his pocket again. He left Eddie in the living room and called Athena from the kitchen – she said they'd come by to take the prints off the window, just in case they might come in handy later on.</p>
<p>Buck sent Chimney a message – <em>'How much was that security system you installed for Maddie?</em>'</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Later that night, while Buck tidied up the living room, Eddie went down to his bedroom to retrieve his birthday present. He'd completely missed Buck's birthday and other than a paltry birthday text and a hug when he'd come over after work, he hadn't had a chance to give him his present.</p>
<p>Buck was fixing up the couch cushions when Eddie returned with the wrapped box. Christopher had already given him his gift - a hand drawn card and a small stuffed teddy bear he'd made at school – it was kind of wonky, but Buck clutched it to his chest like it was the most precious thing in the world.</p>
<p>"You okay?" Buck asked, glancing up at him as he came back into the room.</p>
<p>Eddie held out the box, a little awkwardly, and said, "Belated birthday present. Sorry I was so sick."</p>
<p>Buck looked surprised. He stepped over to Eddie, taking it from him, turning it over in his hands. "You didn't have to."</p>
<p>"I was going to take you out for burgers and drinks but…" he gestured helplessly at himself, "I was plagued."</p>
<p>He laughed. "Yeah, you are," he teased, and ripped open the wrapping paper. Once the case was revealed a funny look crossed his face, like he was trying not to cry, and he carefully opened it to reveal his shiny new watch. "Oh."</p>
<p>"Do you like it?"</p>
<p>"Yes." Buck swallowed hard. "It's the nicest watch I've ever owned. It's too much, Eds."</p>
<p>"Nope." Eddie reached out to steady himself on the back of a dining room chair, the effects of the cold medicine kicking in for the night. "Not too much for you."</p>
<p>Buck ran his fingers over it reverently. "Thank you," he said gruffly. "Thank you so much."</p>
<p>"You're welcome." Eddie held out his arms and Buck stepped into him, brushing his lips against his cheek. "When I'm better, we'll celebrate properly, all right?"</p>
<p>"I'm holding you to that."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>He's… staying over?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This doesn't work with what I had planned, but that's okay. It gives me an opportunity, while he's distracted, to spend some time in his apartment and really get to know him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did I ever tell you how good I am at picking locks? I let myself into Buck's apartment; it was easy. His building is not at all secure – that's good, for what I have planned for him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I went through his apartment from top to bottom. It's not very personalised; it's like he lives there, but it's not really a home. There's a picture of you and your son stuck on his fridge, and he has picture of you – just you – upstairs next to his bed, that he obviously printed out and keeps nearby. You look good in that picture, so I take it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He has lube in his bedside drawers and the results of a STI test, done recently – all negative. Interesting. There are two dildos in his bathroom and more lube – there's even one you can stick on the wall. So Buck likes to fuck himself in the shower, huh?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Guess we know who the bottom in this relationship is.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie returned to work after almost a week off. He still had a cough and his voice sounded like shit – Hen and Chimney both gave him a wide berth when he returned, acting as though he really did have the plague – but other than that, he felt okay. Buck was waiting for him with a coffee and a smile.</p>
<p>In the afternoon he picked up Christopher from his Abuela's house and took him to the supermarket to do the grocery shopping. He never used to take him along, but as Christopher had gotten older, he'd wanted to be more involved. So now it took twice as long but it was also twice as fun, having someone there with him to argue with.</p>
<p>He was standing in the snack aisle when he realised something strange – he was pretty sure a woman with dark hair was following him through the aisles. He'd seen her, in every single aisle, since he'd entered the store – in fact, he even remembered seeing her in the parking lot.</p>
<p>But then, she had a shopping trolley and was filling it with groceries, so maybe it wasn't that weird.</p>
<p>They were at the check-out when he spotted her again, two rows down from him, on her phone. Okay, he was being paranoid, but something felt off. He felt like he'd seen her somewhere before.</p>
<p>And this poor woman who was probably completely innocent pushed her cart out of the supermarket without another glance his way, and he felt like the world's biggest idiot.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You noticed me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I saw you looking at me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I saw you, Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This means something! This means that you've seen me, which means that all hope is not lost. We're going to be together; I'm going to make sure of it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did I ever tell you that I used to be a nurse? You're still coughing; it doesn't sound great. I wonder why you haven't been to the doctor. Pride, maybe?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm going to take care of this Buck problem tonight, my love.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Shit's getting real, yo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Buck had always been a light sleeper. It came with the territory of being a firefighter and waking up to alarms – he rarely went into a deep sleep at work, and at home it was often just as bad. Sometimes he took something to help him along, but usually he went without.</p>
<p>So when he was startled awake at 3am to the sound of fire alarms, and the smoke alarm in his apartment began blasting, he was up and out of bed in an instant. The sprinkler system should kick in – he'd made sure the building had one before he moved in – but the alarms were blaring, and he had to get out. He quickly threw on some jeans and a hoodie, grabbed his watch, wallet, phone and keys and started down the stairs.</p>
<p>Smoke was filling his apartment, coming in through the vents and under the door, and the sprinklers were still off.</p>
<p>What the fuck?</p>
<p>Buck called 9-1-1 to report it. The operator told him it had already been called in and units were on their way, so Buck hung up and went to his front door, which was hot to the touch. The fire was right outside his fucking apartment.</p>
<p>He was on the third floor. He went to the window in the kitchen and opened it, peering out. The rest of the residents from his complex were filing out onto the street below. Buck looked over at his front door again, wondering how bad it was in the hall, when he realised flames were beginning to lick under the door.</p>
<p>Buck looked out the window again. There was no way to climb down – he would have to fall, and he'd likely break his legs again. The next best option was to get upstairs in his bathroom, in the bathtub, and run the water. He took the stairs two at a time and went into the bathroom, pulling the door shut, soaking towels and shoving them along the crack to try to seal in the room as best he could.</p>
<p>The next thing he did was call Eddie.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie snapped awake to the sound of his phone ringing, and shot up in bed, snatching it off the bedside table. "Buck?"</p>
<p>"Eds." Buck's voice was low, tense, and alarms were blaring in the background. "My building is on fire."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"There's fire in the hall outside my apartment. I can't get out."</p>
<p>Eddie threw the blankets off, his heart pounding. "Where are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I'm going to run the water and get in the tub. I just wanted to tell you that I love you."</p>
<p>"Buck – I'm coming, right now," he replied, filled with a fear so profound it threatened to overwhelm him.</p>
<p>"Hey, do you remember the first day we met? I never realised until right now that was the best day of my life."</p>
<p>"Buck, you're not going to die," Eddie said, jamming his feet into shoes. "They'll get you out. They'll be there soon. Hang up and call 9-1-1 and tell them where you are."</p>
<p>"If I do that, I won't be able to say what I want to say to you, which is that I love you and Christopher so much," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "You two are everything to me."</p>
<p>"Oh my god, Buck, hang up and call 9-1-1 while you still can!" Eddie shouted at him, charging out of his bedroom and into Christopher's room. "Chris, buddy, come on. We have to go. Come with me."</p>
<p>Christopher awoke slowly, and when Eddie scooped him out of bed and into his arms, he asked worriedly, "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"We have to go to Buck's. Buck, hang up the phone now, call 9-1-1, then call me back."</p>
<p>"Just want to hear you say it, that's all," Buck said quietly. "Just say it for me once, will you? In case I die."</p>
<p>Eddie stopped at the front door, barely able to breathe. "Tell you—"</p>
<p>"Please tell me you love me. I'd really like to hear you say it."</p>
<p>He didn't hesitate. "I love you, Buck. We'll be there soon. Call 9-1-1."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Buck's building was well ablaze when he arrived. The 118 were there – the night crew – and Eddie carried Christopher out of the car and over to the crowds of people gathered around. He tried to reach Buck on his phone again - he hadn't called him back, and wasn't answering.</p>
<p>"Diaz, what are you doing here?" Frank Jones shouted at him, covered in soot. "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"Buck's in there," Eddie said anxiously. "He called me from his bathroom. He's on the third floor. Have you guys been up there yet?"</p>
<p>"They're in there now, I think," Frank replied. "This was deliberate. Arson. There's fuel all over the place."</p>
<p>Eddie looked over at the burning building, his heart pounding in his chest. "He was going to call dispatch and tell them where he was. Please, Frank—"</p>
<p>"Yeah, we're on it, I'll let them know we've got a man trapped inside." Frank clapped him on the shoulder and hurried over to talk to the others.</p>
<p>Eddie hitched Christopher up in his arms, doubling over to cough again, before calling Bobby, who promised that he and Athena were on their way. And then he called Buck again, as Christopher wept on his shoulder, and Eddie tried not to lose his mind.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>He called you, and you came running.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You love him. This isn't what I wanted. I thought it might've just been sex, but now… if he's still alive, I've driven him right into your arms. He'll have to stay with you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I was too hasty. Maybe I was too bold when I should've just focused my attention on you. If I get you away from him – if he's still alive – then that might be enough to turn you around, to save you before it's too late.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>The minutes crawled by like an eternity.</p>
<p>The first four floors of the building were alight in the right hand corner, right where Buck's apartment was. The other side of the building was okay. Smoke was pouring out – everyone was drenched from the mist coming off the hoses. Eddie had returned to his car to wrap Christopher up in one of Buck's hoodies; the night air was chilly and they were both soaked.</p>
<p>"Is Buck going to be okay?" Christopher asked him quietly, tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Yep," Eddie said confidently. "They've just got to get to him." He rubbed his back, ducking under the caution tape and heading over to the 118 trucks. "Any word?" he asked Captain Baker, who shook his head.</p>
<p>"Not yet, Diaz," he replied. "The hallway is completely cut off. The roof caved in."</p>
<p>He let out a breath, trying not to panic. "He was in the upstairs bathroom."</p>
<p>"Then that's the best place he could be. Buck's not stupid; he knows what to do." Baker was eyeing him strangely, but when a muffled explosion came from the building, they both turned to look.</p>
<p>"What was that?" Christopher asked, lifting his head.</p>
<p>"I don't know, buddy," Eddie replied, eyes trained on the darkened windows of Buck's apartment. "It's going to be okay."</p>
<p>"Eddie!" Bobby called, and he turned to find him and Athena ducking under the caution tape, hurrying towards them. "Have they found him?"</p>
<p>Eddie shook his head. "No, and he's not answering." <em>God, please let him be okay.</em></p>
<p>He stood back with Athena while Bobby spoke with Captain Baker. Christopher was asleep in his arms, and Athena gave him a concerned look. "Do you want me to take him home with me?" she asked. "You both look awful."</p>
<p>"He'll want to be here when they find Buck," Eddie said, exhaustion creeping up on him.</p>
<p>"We ran those prints on your window. They didn't turn up anything."</p>
<p>"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"</p>
<p>"Not sure, but you'll tell me if you notice anything else strange, won't you?"</p>
<p>He nodded, hoisting Christopher up again, looking over at the apartment building. "He's been in there too long."</p>
<p>Athena's hand went to his shoulder. "It's Buck. He'll be fine."</p>
<p>"There's too much smoke now." Eddie's heart was sinking with each passing minute. "He'll probably be passed out, if the flames…"</p>
<p>"Stop," she said gently. "Stop that. He's going to be okay."</p>
<p>He was about to speak when there was a shout from the trucks.</p>
<p>"Hey, Diaz!" Frank pointed to the side of the building. "They're bringing your boy down now. He's okay."</p>
<p>Eddie's knees almost gave out. Athena patted his back – they followed Bobby around the trucks, and sure enough, the ladder was up to Buck's window, and they were guiding him out. Buck was soaking wet, covered in soot, and shaking as he descended the ladder, something he'd done a thousand times before.</p>
<p>"Buckley!" Frank yelled at him. "You've got visitors!"</p>
<p>Buck stopped and looked around – his face lit up when he realised Eddie and Christopher were waiting for him. He continued down the ladder, leapt off the fire truck, pausing long enough to greet their colleagues before racing over to them.</p>
<p>"Hey," Eddie said in a voice thick with emotion, holding his free arm out.</p>
<p>Buck embraced him and Christopher with relief. "Hey."</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>"Yep." He swallowed hard, brushing his lips against Eddie's cheek briefly before straightening up. Christopher lifted his head sleepily, his eyes widening when he realised Buck was with them. "Hey, Chris."</p>
<p>Christopher began to cry, looking up at the building and then at Buck. "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm okay." Buck gave him an awkward hug and a kiss on the cheek, ruffling his hair.</p>
<p>"You should get checked out for smoke inhalation," Eddie said to him.</p>
<p>Buck was nodding, embracing Bobby and then Athena. "I'm all right – I sealed up the bathroom pretty well," he replied, but when they gave him matching looks of admonishment, he relented. "All right, all right."</p>
<p>"What are you going to do, Buck?" Athena asked, looking up at the building. "I'd invite you to stay with us but all of our bedrooms are full."</p>
<p>"I'll call Maddie in the morning," he said. "She and Chim have a spare room." He glanced at Eddie briefly.</p>
<p>"You'll come to ours tonight," Eddie said, as Christopher shifted in his arms, reaching out for Buck. He handed him over, and Buck wrapped him up in a hug, kissing his cheek again.</p>
<p>"It's okay little man," he said, as Christopher laid his head on his shoulder. "We'll just go get checked out, and then we'll go home."</p>
<p>Eddie stepped over to them, and Buck's free arm went around his shoulders. Bobby shook his head at Buck and said, "This is the last time we get called to one of your emergencies."</p>
<p>"Seriously, Buckaroo," Athena added. "First the LSD thing, and now this? What's going on with you?"</p>
<p>Eddie exchanged a look with him. It was more than that – it was the flowers at work, and the fingerprints on the window as well. It was the fact that he felt like he was always being followed – even now, in a crowded parking lot while Buck's building burned down, he could <em>feel</em> eyes on him, somewhere in the crowd.</p>
<p>Something was wrong; really wrong, and from the way Buck's arm tightened around his shoulders, it was clear that he felt it as well.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, I've lost my touch. He's not dead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wanted to make it look like a tragic accident, rather than straight-up murder. If I murdered the guy, that's going to bring a lot of heat down on me, but a fire – a fire hides evidence.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Damn it, Eddie. He's home with you now, in your living room. Your son is asleep and you two are staring at each other – your hands are lightly touching his arms, as though you want to grab him and pull him to you, but you're holding back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He kisses your forehead. It's a lingering kiss and your eyes are closed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're in love with him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I should walk away, but I can't. I want you, and I can give you more of what you need than he can. I'm perfect for you – you just need to see me! I'll make you see me.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie offered to let Buck stay indefinitely, but Buck turned it down. He'd already spoken to Chimney, who had offered him their spare room. He was going to go buy some clothes and then head over there.</p>
<p>It was 6am. They were meant to be at work in two hours, but Bobby sent them each a text, telling them that their shifts were covered. Buck wrapped Eddie in a hug in the living room and kissed him reassuringly – he reeked of smoke, like it had permeated his skin. Eddie let his lips linger on Buck's cheek, and then buried his face in his shoulder.</p>
<p>"You could stay."</p>
<p>"Not a good idea."</p>
<p>"I know."</p>
<p>"You said you loved me though, so that's something. That's a step in the right direction."</p>
<p>"What direction? What are we even going to do? Are you going to ask me out on a date? We've already had sex."</p>
<p>Buck let out a breathy laugh. "Just skipped a few steps, that's all."</p>
<p>"I don't know why I'm so scared."</p>
<p>"It's a big change." Buck pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek and pulled away from him.</p>
<p>Eddie looked him up and down – his clothes were filthy; his face stained with soot. He said quietly, "I was fucking terrified, Buck. I kept trying to call you back."</p>
<p>"I know. I just… thought if it went south, that… I didn't want you to hear me die." Buck let out a breath, looking around the house. "I'm gonna take a shower."</p>
<p>"Just… hold on." Eddie reached out and took his hand, entwining their fingers. "I do love you."</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>"I want to be with you."</p>
<p>Buck's eyes lit up hopefully. "Seriously?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I just… I don't know how to do this without fucking it up. And I don't want to fuck it up with <em>you</em>," he said emphatically. "So let's… let's get you cleaned up, all right, and then… get some sleep, and I'll come clothes shopping with you and help you get some stuff to take to Maddie's. All right?"</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him. "Deal."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Eddie dropped Christopher at his Abuela's for the morning, and returned home to find Buck on his phone on the couch, dressed in Eddie's clothes. The shirt was too small for him and pulled across his shoulders, and when Buck tossed his phone aside and stood up to greet him, it rode up at his waist as well.</p>
<p>Buck said quietly, "Chris okay?"</p>
<p>He nodded. "Yeah, he's a bit worn out. He just wanted to cuddle with her, so they're having a quiet morning. We'll pick him up when we go to the mall."</p>
<p>"You didn't have to take him over there—"</p>
<p>"I know, I just…" Eddie raked a hand through his hair, looking around the room. "I just needed to be alone with you for a few hours, even if it's just to sleep in the same bed. I just…"</p>
<p>"So let's do that," Buck said, stepping toward him. "Let's do that. Come on."</p>
<p>Eddie gave him a long look, sweeping his hands across his broad chest, and said, "I can't believe that happened. I can't believe your apartment is gone."</p>
<p>"I know." Buck swallowed hard. "It doesn't feel real."</p>
<p>"You don't have to stay with Maddie and Chim."</p>
<p>"I do, Eds. Neither one of us is ready for me to move in permanently." Buck looked around the living room, letting out a huff of breath when Eddie pressed his head against his chest. "As much as I love your house."</p>
<p>"I know you do."</p>
<p>"I love being here with you and Chris, but… we're not ready for that." Buck kissed the top of his head. "Besides, I'll find a new place. House hunting – it's fun, right?"</p>
<p>"I remember how long it took you to find that place," Eddie complained. "I'll help you. Maybe don't sign a long lease though."</p>
<p>"Why not, do you know something I don't?"</p>
<p>Eddie looked up at him meaningfully. Buck arched his eyebrows and murmured, "Oh. Okay."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you and me, Buckley. What do you think?"</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him hopefully. "I think it sounds fucking great."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>They headed to the mall in the early afternoon, after swinging by Buck's apartment building. The outside was scorched, and there were still emergency vehicles and police cars parked out the front. Buck said, "I'm really glad Maddie talked me into getting contents insurance when I moved in."</p>
<p>Despite everything, they had a good time at the mall. Christopher was with them, and he sat on a bench giggling while Buck held up different shirts for him to approve, tossing ones aside when he shook his head. Eddie left them and went to a bedding shop – Buck had wanted some new sheets and towels to take to Chim and Maddie's, so he wouldn't be imposing on them too much.</p>
<p>It was when he was puzzling over the different sheet options – thread counts baffled him – that he first felt like he was being watched. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and an icy trickle of fear ran down his spine.</p>
<p>Someone was watching him. Someone had been watching him through his window, and it wasn't a would-be burglar.</p>
<p>Eddie grabbed two different sheet sets – one navy, the other green and white striped – and threw them into his basket. He cast a discreet look around the store as he went to the towels, but nobody was paying him any attention – the two shop assistants were at the registers; a woman with red hair was examining a quilt on display and another woman with kids was making a mess of a display bed in the front of the shop.</p>
<p>He felt stupid and paranoid. He picked out two grey and white towels for Buck and added them to the pile, and then spotted something he was sure he'd love – a big, fluffy blanket. It was a deep shade of purple but that didn't matter – Buck would love it regardless, so Eddie tucked it under his arm, grabbed a couple of pillows as well, and went to the registers.</p>
<p>Someone was still watching him, he was sure. The woman with red hair was at the sheets with her back to him. Another dark-haired woman was looking at cushions, and two men were arguing over blankets in the back.</p>
<p>He berated himself again, paid for Buck's stuff and stomped back to the clothes shop. Buck was paying at the register, four stuffed bags of clothes on the floor beside Christopher.</p>
<p>"We're going to need a truck to carry all this to the car," Eddie said from behind them.</p>
<p>Buck flashed him a grin. "Easy." He spotted a tuft of purple fluff peeking out from one of the bags and said, "What's that?"</p>
<p>"A surprise," Eddie replied, arching his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"I love surprises."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You're shopping together.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>God damn it, I have really fucked this up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Have I lost my touch? It was so easy the last time, but you… you're so wrapped up in him that you're completely unavailable. It's like you two and your son are already a family unit – I follow you through the mall and you're so at ease with each other. His house burned down last night and he's smiling at you like nothing happened.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He loves you; he feels safe with you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I get it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I need to get you away from him, Eddie. I'm ready to go; I have everything I need. I'm just waiting for the perfect moment.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>It happened again, two days later.</p>
<p>Eddie and Buck were picking up coffees for the team when he felt like he was being followed. He stopped, right in the middle of the footpath, looking around suspiciously.</p>
<p>Buck stopped as well, totally confused. "Eds?"</p>
<p>The street was busy, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. He just couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched, but it felt stupid to even say something.</p>
<p>"Nothing," he said after a moment. "I just thought I forgot something."</p>
<p>"You sure?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah." He tried to smile at Buck. "It's fine."</p>
<p>Buck gave him a concerned look. He was staying at Maddie and Chimney's in their spare room – she'd loved the purple blanket so much she'd made Chimney go out and buy her one of her own. Buck had been back to his apartment with Bobby, Eddie, Chimney and Hen, sifting through the wreckage to see if anything was salvageable. His bedroom had still been intact when he'd left but the flames had eventually made their way up, and everything was gone.</p>
<p>Buck had been remarkably pragmatic about it, even though Eddie was convinced that something sinister was going on. First the weird flowers at work, then the dosing, and then a fire in his apartment building – plus the fact that <em>someone</em> had been creeping around outside Eddie's house and he was pretty sure he was being followed.</p>
<p>He just hadn't figured out how to tell any of them yet. What was there to say? <em>Ever since I've been sick I've been convinced that someone is following me and potentially trying to kill Buck but I have literally no proof.</em></p>
<p>And he was still fucking sick; that was the annoying thing – he wasn't sleeping well, coughing most of the night, and in the mornings he'd hack up green globs of phlegm. He needed to go to the doctor, but he just didn't have the time. He figured it would go away eventually; it was just a cold.</p>
<p>As they waited for the coffee order, Buck said, "Something's bothering you. Why don't you just tell me what it is?"</p>
<p>Eddie heaved a sigh, and immediately began to cough, covering his mouth and turning away. Buck watched him silently until he recovered, and then said, "I'm going to tell Bobby about this cough of yours, Eds. It's not good."</p>
<p>"I'm fine."</p>
<p>"You're not fine. You can hardly breathe."</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes. "I'm just… still getting over this fucking cold that won't go away, and… I'm stressed out. Okay?"</p>
<p>"What about?"</p>
<p>"Oh god, you should know the answer to that. Your house burning down, for one." Eddie folded his arms across his chest grumpily.</p>
<p>The barista called out Buck's name, and he went to retrieve their coffees, handing a tray to Eddie before leading him out of the coffee shop. Neither of them noticed the black Audi pull away from the kerb across the street.</p>
<p>Eddie said, "If I tell you, it stays between us. No running to Bobby or Athena. I feel like an idiot already."</p>
<p>"Deal."</p>
<p>"Buck, I feel like… I feel like I'm being watched." Even as the words came out of his mouth, he regretted them.</p>
<p>Buck gave him a sidelong look. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"Like… everywhere I go, I feel like someone is watching me. If Chris and I are shopping, or if I'm… walking to my car, or… in my house, even, I just… I feel like there are eyes on me all the time. I mean, it used to be you," he said, trying to joke to lighten the mood, "but you're not… in my house at night. And I swear I saw someone standing in the window; the window with the fingerprints? I saw someone when I was sick."</p>
<p>"Athena said—"</p>
<p>"I know what Athena said but it doesn't make any sense. If someone wanted to break in, they could," he replied. "I work all the time; the house is sitting there empty right now. And you've nearly died twice in the last two weeks, Buck. The thing at the movies and then your house burning down? Like, the fire right outside your door? There's something going on."</p>
<p>Buck's lips were pressed into a tight line. "Okay."</p>
<p>"I don't know what to do."</p>
<p>"We'll put in a security system at your house."</p>
<p>"And what, tell Chim that I'm a paranoid mess?" Eddie's breath caught in his throat and he began to cough again, doubling over in the street. Buck quickly rescued the coffees from him, waiting until he was upright.</p>
<p>"You have to go to the doctor," Buck warned him. "Make an appointment for tomorrow."</p>
<p>"I'm fine!"</p>
<p>"You're not fine. You're wheezing," he pointed out. "There's fluid on your lungs, Eds. You need antibiotics. You want me to tell Hen when we get back? If you don't make an appointment while I'm here watching you today, I will fucking tell Henrietta and then we will drive you to the hospital in the ambulance with lights and sirens flashing. Believe me."</p>
<p>Eddie blinked at him. "Okay."</p>
<p>"Okay." Buck handed him the tray of coffees. "So here's what we do. You're making an appointment as soon as we get back. I will talk to Chim about putting in a security system. If anything else happens, you're telling Athena."</p>
<p>"Telling her what, that I'm crazy paranoid?" Eddie complained.</p>
<p>"Maybe you are or maybe there's something going on, and maybe it's escalating," Buck replied, "but your instincts are usually right, Eds."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Today, I made myself at home in your house. I lay in your bed; I showered in your bathroom. I masturbated to the picture of you I stole from Buck. I ate your food and drank one of your sodas; I looked through your Netflix history and masturbated some more.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I want you, Eddie. God, I want you. Everything is ready to go for us. I've got it all planned out, our future. You'll forget about Buck soon enough.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your son will be okay, I think. He's got a lot of people around him to take care of him. You work so much anyway; he's used to you being gone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I think it's time for us to be together, don't you? It's time to move onto a new chapter of your life.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you, Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Buck was a lot of things – a wonderful friend, a dope, hilariously funny sometimes, charming as fuck – but when it came to Eddie, he was perceptive.</p>
<p>He usually asked if he could come around, but after work, he simply followed Eddie home. And Eddie expected him to do that; that was the crazy thing. He'd known as he was pulling out of the carpark that Buck would turn left instead of right, and he <em>did.</em></p>
<p>Christopher and Carla were there when they arrived. As soon as they walked in, Carla paused long enough to give them both a hug and a kiss, before bustling out the door, leaving the scent of her perfume behind. A new perfume; Eddie didn't recognise it.</p>
<p>Christopher was so happy to see Buck that Eddie just left them alone, wandering down to his room to change into some sweats. It was when he was tossing his clothes in the hamper that he realised his quilt cover was back to front, and not the way he usually made the bed.</p>
<p>He stared at it, his mind racing. He'd made the bed that morning; he remembered doing it. The fat stripes always went on the bottom; the thin stripes on top. That was how he always made the bed. Had he somehow messed it up and not realised?</p>
<p>"Hey," Buck said, leaning through the bedroom door. "Pizza?"</p>
<p>Eddie looked at him, still puzzling. "What?"</p>
<p>"Are you okay?"</p>
<p>He pointed to the bed, and then shook his head, looking around the room. Was anything else different? Was anything missing? Everything seemed to be in place… and he wouldn't have made the bed wrong! He was in the army; he did the same thing every day. Every single day.</p>
<p>"Eddie," Buck said with concern. "What's going on? Tell me."</p>
<p>"The bed is wrong."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"The bed, the quilt… it's back to front. I put the fat stripes on the bottom." He realised he sounded insane, but he felt like he was losing his mind. "The stripes are wrong."</p>
<p>Buck looked at the bed and then at him. "You think someone broke in?"</p>
<p>"I… nothing's missing! I don't know."</p>
<p>"Calm down, let's not upset Chris," Buck said in a low voice, taking a step into the bedroom. "What else? Look around."</p>
<p>Eddie did as he was told, casting his eyes around the room. "It smells weird in here. Like perfume and something else. Carla never comes into my bedroom. And… the blinds are down. They were up this morning."</p>
<p>"We should call Athena. There could be fingerprints."</p>
<p>"And tell her what? Athena, my bedspread is back to front and the room smells weird," Eddie complained. "Yeah, she'll come rushing over."</p>
<p>"Calm down," Buck said again, which only served to make him angrier.</p>
<p>"I am calm!"</p>
<p>Buck held his hands out. "Eds – is it possible you were in a rush this morning and put it on the wrong way?"</p>
<p>"No," he said stubbornly. "I never do that."</p>
<p>Buck nodded. "I believe you."</p>
<p>He let out a breath, and met Buck's eyes. "You do?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, of course. It's you. You do things the same way every single day." Buck studied the bed, and then pulled the bedspread off. "What about the sheets? Are they different?"</p>
<p>"They're not tucked in," he said, pointing to the overhang on the side. "I always tuck them in."</p>
<p>"Let's see what else we can find," Buck suggested. "And then we'll decide what to do."</p>
<p>"What if someone's been in my house, Buck?"</p>
<p>"We're going to figure it out."</p>
<p>"Who would, though?" Eddie hugged himself. "Is it safe for us to be here? For Christopher to be here?"</p>
<p>"I'll stay here with you tonight," Buck said. "I'll stay awake and guard you both."</p>
<p>Eddie groaned. "You don't have to do that."</p>
<p>"Eds, you're dead on your feet," Buck said gently. "You need to get some rest. Let's look around, see if we can find anything else, and go from there."</p>
<p>"Who the hell would be doing this?" he asked miserably. "I'm just… I'm nothing special?"</p>
<p>Buck stepped towards him and pulled him into an embrace. He pressed his lips to Eddie's forehead and then whispered, "You are the most special to me."</p>
<p>"So it's you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, you caught me." Buck rubbed his back, kissed him again, and took a step back. "Come on. Let's look around."</p>
<p>They inspected the house and made a list – the items in the bathroom had been moved, and one of Eddie's colognes was missing (the David Beckham one he didn't like, so no great loss). Christopher's room was untouched. Things were missing from the fridge and pantry as well.</p>
<p>They decided it was too late to call Athena, so Buck went into the bedroom with gloves on and bagged up the bedspread and sheets. Eddie watched from the doorway while he made the bed, but he really didn't want to sleep in there, so he dragged the couch cushions into Christopher's room and made a nest on the floor. Christopher was excited about their impromptu sleepover, cuddling up to Eddie to read a book together.</p>
<p>Buck stood in the doorway and said, "I'll be out in the lounge, Eds."</p>
<p>Feeling guilty for stealing the couch cushions, Eddie said, "What are you going to sleep on?"</p>
<p>"I've got an air mattress in my car. I'll blow that up." Buck smiled at them. "'Night, boys."</p>
<p>"Goodnight Buck," Christopher replied, smiling at him. "This is fun."</p>
<p>"Yeah, it is." Buck met Eddie's eyes briefly, and went out to the living room.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>At 2am Eddie awoke, coughing, and quickly hurried out of Christopher's room to the bathroom. He leaned over the sink as he hacked and coughed, struggling to breathe. Suddenly Buck's hands were on his back, turning him around, and he popped open a tub of Vicks VapoRub and scooped some out.</p>
<p>"Lift up your shirt," he whispered.</p>
<p>Eddie groaned but complied, pulling it off. He dropped his head onto Buck's shoulder as he smeared the Vicks onto his chest generously. Eucalyptus was all he could smell, and he was so tired, so deathly tired.</p>
<p>Buck capped the tub again, pulled Eddie's shirt on, and walked him out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. "No," Eddie complained, not wanting to sleep on his bed, but as soon as he was lying down with his head on the pillow, he forgot why.</p>
<p>Buck pulled a blanket up around him and knelt beside the bed, gazing at him with watchful eyes. "I'll take you to the doctor tomorrow," he whispered. "I don't think you should go to work."</p>
<p>"I have to go to work."</p>
<p>"You're sick."</p>
<p>"It's just a cough."</p>
<p>"You know it isn't. You're a medic; why are you doing this to yourself?"</p>
<p>He didn't have an answer. He just pressed his hands to his face and willed sleep again.</p>
<p>Buck said, "I love you, Eds. I'm going to look after you."</p>
<p>He wanted to argue. He wanted to tell Buck that he could handle it himself, but instead he heard himself whisper, "Can you sleep in here with me?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded seriously, and stood up. He went around to the other side of the bed and climbed in behind him, wrapping one arm around his waist, spooning up against him. With Buck's solid weight around him, Eddie drifted off to sleep easily.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Buck tried to talk him into taking a sick day, but Eddie was insistent about going to work. He'd go to the doctor at midday and find out what was wrong, and if it was just a cough, like he thought it was, he'd be coming back to work to finish out his shift, regardless of what Buck said.</p>
<p>They'd been at work for an hour when Buck finally managed to steal Bobby away for a moment. He'd been tied up with the department chiefs all morning and seemed stressed, but Buck worked his charms and gestured for Eddie to join them in Bobby's office.</p>
<p>Buck filled him in quickly – Eddie was pretty sure someone had been in his house; he thought he was being paranoid but now he wasn't sure, and he needed help.</p>
<p>Bobby said, "I'll call Athena, get her down here, and we'll look into this."</p>
<p>"You don't think I'm blowing it out of proportion?" he asked weakly.</p>
<p>"I know you – if you think there's something going on, there probably is. You should've called the police last night."</p>
<p>"I bagged up the blankets and everything," Buck said. "We left everything else as is."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but this is serious," Bobby said. "If everything is connected – the fire at Buck's place, the thing at the movies and someone following Eddie – it could be that you both have a stalker."</p>
<p>Eddie's blood went cold. "A stalker?"</p>
<p>"That's what it sounds like to me. Have you received any strange phone calls, anything like that?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "No."</p>
<p>"Buck?"</p>
<p>"No, nothing. Nothing through my social media either." Buck glanced at Eddie with concern.</p>
<p>Bobby nodded, picking up his phone. "Okay. I'll call Athena – you guys hang tight until she gets here."</p>
<p>"Eddie has a doctor's appointment at midday that he absolutely cannot miss," Buck said firmly.</p>
<p>At that, Bobby gave Eddie a concerned look. "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"He's still got a cough that won't go away."</p>
<p>Embarrassed, Eddie hunched down in his seat. "It's nothing. He's going to say that I'm still getting over that cold."</p>
<p>"We'll see. I'm driving him to the doctor."</p>
<p>Bobby looked back and forth between them, his lips drawn in a tight line. "Eddie, you need to look after yourself," he said. "If Buck's worried, then I'm worried. If the alarms go off, the three of us will stay behind and I'll put Chimney in charge."</p>
<p>"Thanks, Cap," Buck said.</p>
<p>They left Bobby's office and went back downstairs. Eddie was dying for a coffee – one with lots of whipped cream and sugar – so he said to Buck, "I'm just going to run down to the coffee shop."</p>
<p>"I'll come with you," Buck said instantly, but almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Chimney called out to him.</p>
<p>"Hey Buckaroo," he said from the balcony. "Your sister is on the phone; I need you to come up here and talk to her."</p>
<p>Buck turned to him again, shaking his head slightly. "Eds, just wait for me."</p>
<p>"It's broad daylight," Eddie pointed out. "The café is at the end of the block. I'll be back in ten minutes, tops."</p>
<p>"Ten minutes," Buck said, gesturing to his watch. "I'm counting."</p>
<p>Eddie flashed him a smile and left the station at a brisk pace. He'd just turned the corner when he came across a dark-haired woman kneeling beside her car, examining her back tyre. He stopped and said, "Everything okay?"</p>
<p>She looked up at him, a bit tearfully, mascara smudged under her eyes, and said, "My tyre's flat and I have no idea how to change it."</p>
<p>"I can help with that," he offered, "if you want?" She looked familiar, but he couldn't place her.</p>
<p>"Really? That would be amazing; I'm running late to pick up my daughter."</p>
<p>"It's not a problem," he said easily. "I'm Eddie – I work at the firehouse around the corner. Have you got a spare in the trunk?"</p>
<p>She nodded gratefully. "Yes, I do. Thank you so much."</p>
<p>"You're welcome," he said as he went to the trunk. She had a black Audi A3 sedan, and as he was bending over to retrieve the tyre from its spot in the trunk, he felt something sharp jab the fleshy part of his arm. He straightened up, inadvertently smacking his head on the lid, hard.</p>
<p>Black spots danced in front of his eyes – he was woozy all of a sudden, and he reached out a hand to steady himself, but suddenly he was knocked off his feet and falling, falling as the blackness overwhelmed him.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>I have you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're mine.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We're going to be so happy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm sorry about the handcuffs, but you'll understand.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We're off for our new life, baby. You and me.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warnings at the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been half an hour since Eddie said he was going to get coffee – not that Buck was counting or anything, but still. Thirty whole minutes. He was supposed to be back in ten. Buck yanked his phone out of his pocket and called him again, but it went straight to voicemail.</p>
<p>Athena had arrived, and was upstairs chatting with the team while they waited for Eddie to return. Buck paced back and forth anxiously, unable to stop moving – he wouldn't relax until Eddie loped back in with some dumb excuse about why he'd taken so fucking long.</p>
<p>"Where's Eddie?" Bobby asked him. "Still getting coffee?"</p>
<p>Buck looked over at them, the whole team, realising that he probably looked insane, but if Eddie had a<em> stalker</em> and Buck had just let him fucking go off by himself, and something had happened, then this was on him.</p>
<p>Bobby gave him a concerned look. "Try him again."</p>
<p>So he did, and it went straight to voicemail, <em>again</em>. He wanted to smash the phone against the wall but instead he shoved it in his pocket and jogged down the stairs, striding out of the building and to the street. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to find, but the street was empty and Eddie was nowhere to be found.</p>
<p>He rounded the corner, dashing to the coffee house. Eddie wasn't there, either, and when he asked the barista if he'd been in, she'd shaken her head at him.</p>
<p>He went back out on the street, and tried his phone again. No answer. Fuck. Fuck, Eddie was <em>gone</em>.</p>
<p>Buck sprinted back to the station, his heart in his throat, and as he raced up towards the balcony he could barely spit the words out – "He's gone, he's not there. He's gone."</p>
<p>Bobby turned to Athena, whose eyebrows went up. "Are you sure?" she asked Buck, stabbing a finger at him. "Are you sure about all of this? The fingerprints on the window, the stuff rearranged at his house?"</p>
<p>"Yes, everything," he said breathlessly. "Everything."</p>
<p>"Then I'm calling it in," she said to Bobby, "but if he walks in here and everything is fine, I'm not going to be happy."</p>
<p>Buck shook his head, on the verge of tears. "He'd answer me, Athena," he said desperately. "He wouldn't do this. He'd answer me. He loves me."</p>
<p>"Buck, we'll find him," she said sharply. "I won't let anything happen to Eddie."</p>
<p>He nodded, pressing his palms to his forehead, trying to breathe.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Everything was black. He was in a black hole, and he was in pain. His head was murky; like he was trapped underwater and couldn't think straight, but he could for sure feel how much pain he was in.</p>
<p>His arms were twisted up behind him, his legs locked into position and cramping. He was shoved in a small space somewhere – moving? He was moving? He was in a car; he was the trunk of a car and it was moving and he was being jostled.</p>
<p>He couldn't open his eyes; couldn't open his mouth – there was tape across it. The woman had put him in her trunk and they were going somewhere; she'd injected him with something, but what? He had no idea.</p>
<p>Another coughing fit wracked his body but there was nothing he could do about it, not with the tape over his mouth. He struggled for air, writhing in the confined space, his heart pounding. God, he was going to die in here. He was going to choke and die; he'd never see Christopher or Buck again.</p>
<p>He passed out again, for a while, and upon awakening he realised they were still moving. How long had it been? Hours, minutes – time meant nothing in a black hole, where the oxygen was stale and his lungs felt like they were on fire.</p>
<p>And then suddenly the car stopped. A minute later the trunk opened, and he was hit with a blast of cold air.</p>
<p>"You're awake," she said, and something sharp jabbed him again. "I'm not ready for you yet."</p>
<p>He welcomed the blackness.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You are so beautiful, Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're like a work of art.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It took me some effort getting you inside the house, but once I got you into bed and took your clothes off, washed you down lovingly and put you into a nice pair of silk pyjamas, settling you against the pillows – you just look like an angel. I can't stop staring at you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're handcuffed to the bed, of course. You're strong, and you'd overpower me, so I'll have to keep you pretty dosed up until you fall in love with me for real.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But still, it's nice to be here with you, even though you're sleeping. You're wheezing a little with every breath – that cold still bothering you? I'll take care of you, darling.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's nice to touch you; feel your heart beating in your chest. You smell good. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm going to be the best girlfriend you ever had.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"We've pulled up the CCTV footage from the traffic lights," Athena said to the team, as they sat around the table in the firehouse that night, all in various states of anxiety. "It shows Eddie helping a woman with a flat tyre, but when he leaned over to take the spare out of the trunk, it looks like she injected him with something. He goes limp almost instantly, and she just shoves him inside and closes the lid."</p>
<p>Buck, standing at the sink, gripped the edge of the counter so tightly his fingers went numb.</p>
<p>"Oh my god," Hen said quietly. "A woman – not a man?"</p>
<p>"Definitely a woman. There's nobody else in the car that we can see, and she had to use drugs to knock him out because she couldn't overpower him."</p>
<p>"Who the hell would do something like this?" Chimney asked, as shocked and subdued as Buck had ever seen him. "Eddie hasn't dated anyone in years; he's totally focused on Christopher. How would this person even come across him?"</p>
<p>"Someone's been stalking him," Bobby said, glancing over at Buck. "Maybe the same person who sent the flowers to Buck, and drugged him at the movies, and burned his apartment down. The CCTV footage from that night shows a woman entering the building with two heavy bags in her hands, and when she comes out again, in amongst the people evacuating, she has nothing with her. They found the remnants of those bags near Buck's apartment with the fuel canisters nearby."</p>
<p>"It was a woman at the movies as well," Athena added, and at that, everyone turned to Buck. "The only person we could see in the security camera footage was a woman standing nearby when Buck was tying Christopher's shoes."</p>
<p>"And a woman dropped off the brownies and a card for Eddie a month ago," Buck said numbly, "and he thinks someone has been following him."</p>
<p>Athena stood up, and rested both hands on the table, looking at them all in turn. "Okay. This has been going on for a month which means she must have been staying somewhere – we're going to figure that out. She's driving a 2015 black Audi A3 sedan, but we can't get a clear view of the tags. We are going to track that car on the CCTV footage all over this city if we have to." She straightened up, turning to Buck. "I'm going to send a forensics team to Eddie's house to go through it with a fine toothed comb. You said he thought his bed had been messed up – what did you do with the blankets and sheets?"</p>
<p>"I bagged them up. They're on the floor in his bedroom." Buck folded his arms across his chest, totally and completely numb, from head to toe. "You should make sure you look in the bathroom and kitchen as well – he was missing some stuff, and he thought some food had been eaten."</p>
<p>Athena wrote it down in her notebook. "Anything else, Buck? Anything you remember? The brownies that the woman dropped off – were any of you here for that?"</p>
<p>They all shook their heads. "Martinez gave them to Eddie when he got to work the next day," Hen replied. "It had a card with it – Buck, what happened to the card?"</p>
<p>"He threw it away."</p>
<p>Athena sighed. "Why?"</p>
<p>"It was a 'call me' sort of a thing," Buck replied quietly, "and he and I were… already… together, at that point. Not that he would've called her anyway."</p>
<p>"What about strange phone calls?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "No, he would've told me. He wasn't even sure he was being followed – he's been tired, ever since he was sick. He's been unwell for weeks and he won't do anything about it." <em>And now he could be dead.</em></p>
<p>"I wish you'd given me the heads up about his health before today. He's been hiding it from us all," Bobby said unhappily.</p>
<p>"I haven't even heard him coughing," Hen murmured.</p>
<p>Chimney winced. "I think he's been going outside… sneaking outside. And once I saw him duck behind the trucks when were at a scene."</p>
<p>Bobby closed his eyes briefly. "You guys need to tell me if you're sick. Buck, you should've said something."</p>
<p>Buck bit back his first instinct to snap and said, "What am I supposed to do? He's a grown man – he's a fucking medic! I told him it sounded like there was fluid on his lungs and he just ignored it. I finally got him to agree to see the doctor today and now… now this has happened! And there's nothing, no leads, no… nothing." He pressed both hands to his face, trying not to panic. "Oh my god, <em>Christopher</em>. I have to go to Christopher. Carla can't stay the night."</p>
<p>"I'll come with you," Hen said, rising out of her seat. "I'll help you with Christopher. You'll pack up some of his things and bring him over to our house, okay? We've got room for you to stay there with him."</p>
<p>"You'll have to call his grandparents," Bobby said. "They need to know."</p>
<p>Before he could respond, Hen said, "Eddie hasn't had anything to do with his parents in a year. He cut them out of his life."</p>
<p>Shocked, Bobby gaped at her. "Excuse me?"</p>
<p>"After the tsunami, during the lawsuit…" she trailed off, glancing at Buck uncertainly. "They gave him a hell of a time about the tsunami. They came out from El Paso and threatened to take Christopher away. They were even going to get lawyers involved. Eddie came over to our house one night and we arranged for our lawyer to be there to talk everything through, and he eventually filed paperwork in the court against them. I'm pretty sure he's even got a restraining order – is that right, Buck?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded. "I'm the guardian, if Eddie's not here. I'm Christopher's guardian."</p>
<p>"He never mentioned any of this," Bobby murmured.</p>
<p>"No offence Cap, but we all had a lot on our plates at that time," Hen pointed out. "Buck was away; Eddie wasn't coping very well and… his parents were being gigantic asses about everything. He wanted to make sure he had everything lined up in case something happened to him. Even when they weren't speaking, he was already putting Buck down on the papers."</p>
<p>"He said he didn't want anyone but me raising Christopher if he wasn't here." His voice caught in his throat. "And now he's gone."</p>
<p>"Then it's up to you," she said to Buck, who swallowed hard. "You decide what you tell his parents, or if you tell them at all."</p>
<p>"I'll speak with his aunt and grandmother," Buck said numbly. "And I know his sisters pretty well. I'll let them know what's going on."</p>
<p>"I'll find him for you, Buckaroo," Athena said firmly. "I promise you. We all know how close you and Eddie are. I'm not going to rest until I bring him back."</p>
<p>He nodded, tears burning in his eyes. "I should've gone with him."</p>
<p>"It's my fault," Chimney muttered. "I called you away. Fuck."</p>
<p>"No one knew this was going to happen," Hen replied. "Buck, you and I will go and get Christopher together. We'll make it a sleepover for him, all right?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded, wiping his eyes.</p>
<p>"We're going to find him," Athena said firmly. "I have no doubt about that. Whoever this person is, this woman – she's made mistakes. I guarantee it."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>He and Hen drove to Eddie's house, and he let Hen fill Carla in on what had happened in a hushed tone in the kitchen, while he went into Christopher's room and helped him pack a bag for the night.</p>
<p>Christopher, the most perceptive kid in the world, said quietly, "Where's my dad, Buck?"</p>
<p>How the fuck do you tell a nine-year-old that his father has been abducted by an insane woman and is being held captive somewhere?</p>
<p>He tucked Christopher's favourite teddy bear into the bag and said gently, "There was an emergency, and your dad had to go away unexpectedly. He's not sure how long he'll be gone for. He really wanted to come home and tell you that he was leaving, but he didn't have a chance – so I'm going to look after you, all right? Is that okay, bud?"</p>
<p>Christopher gave a small nod, looking around his room with tearful eyes. "But… are we coming back?"</p>
<p>"Yes, we are, but for tonight we're having a sleepover at Hen's," Buck said gently. "Everything is okay, Chris. You and I are going to be brave while your dad's away and we're going to party when he comes back."</p>
<p>"You promise you won't leave?" Christopher gave him a serious look.</p>
<p>Buck shook his head. "No, bud. You've got me. I'm not going anywhere."</p>
<p>Hen appeared in the doorway, smiling in at them. "Chris, let's get you out to the car," she said. "Denny's so excited about the sleepover. How do you feel about having pizza for dinner?"</p>
<p>"Okay," he agreed, looking up at Buck for confirmation. "You'll be there too, right?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded. "I'm not missing out on pizza. I've got your bag – you go with Hen, I'll be out in a sec."</p>
<p>He waited until they were both outside before he turned to Carla, who pulled him in for a fierce hug. "Oh god, Carla."</p>
<p>"I know, sweetie."</p>
<p>"I love him so much, and I'm <em>terrified.</em>"</p>
<p>"I know, I know." She rubbed his back soothingly. "You need to be strong, okay? Eddie needs you to look after Christopher. Let Athena handle the investigation – I have so much faith in that woman; I'm sure she'll have him back to you before you know it, and I'll bet you any money he'll be pissed off beyond belief."</p>
<p>He managed a smile at that. "Yeah, he'll be furious."</p>
<p>"Eddie's strong, tough and smart," she said in a low voice. "If anyone can get through this, it's him. We are going to all be strong for him. This is why he made you Christopher's guardian – the man has more faith in you than anyone else on the planet."</p>
<p>"I know." He slung Christopher's backpack over his shoulder, nodding firmly. "I know. I've got this."</p>
<p>"I know you do. You just tell me what you need, all right?"</p>
<p>"I need the binder, with all the documents in it…" Buck trailed off. "Just in case."</p>
<p>"Have you told Isabel and Pepa yet?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "No… but I've asked them to meet me at Hen's. I didn't want to tell them on the phone."</p>
<p>"That's a good idea." Carla led him into the kitchen, and retrieved a binder folder from the cupboard in the corner. "This has everything in it; all the paperwork. In the morning you should notify Eddie's lawyer about what's going on so they can be prepared if his parents try anything, but Buck – I don't think they will."</p>
<p>He took the folder from her carefully. "Why not?"</p>
<p>"Because… I was there, the last time he spoke to them," she said quietly. "And it was ugly. They basically told him that they were washing their hands of him and Christopher; that he was dead to them and never to ask them for anything again."</p>
<p>He grimaced, guilty as all hell for not having been there. "When was this?"</p>
<p>"Right before you two made up. In fact, I was so relieved when you made up because it meant he would have some support again." Carla touched his arm, and said, "Not that I thought you weren't going to make up; I knew you would. You've been a constant pillar of support for him ever since he arrived in town. He's going to be okay, Buck. He's strong. He'll be home before we know it."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie opened his eyes.</p>
<p>The world was swirly. He tried to focus his eyes, but couldn't, and gave up, letting them fall shut again.</p>
<p>She was there, the woman… the girl? She was sitting on the bed with him, smiling down at him. She looked like the devil.</p>
<p>He wanted Buck. He said Buck's name and she frowned, slapping him lightly across the face.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes again. It was easier to sleep; he didn't like it when the world was swirly. His body felt heavy; like he couldn't lift his limbs even if he tried.</p>
<p>He wondered where Buck was. Was Buck with Christopher? What had he told Christopher? How would he even begin to explain it?</p>
<p>"Hey," she said, her voice sickly sweet. "It's me. We're going to start a whole new life together. Isn't that exciting?"</p>
<p>No, it was not. He tried to move, to get up, but found he was restrained. That made him open his eyes again, tilting his head back – oh, his hands were cuffed to the bed, great. His legs were tied as well.</p>
<p>He wouldn't have minded a little bondage play with Buck, but not like this.</p>
<p>She grasped his face, digging her fingers into his cheeks. "Look at me," she ordered, and he did, reluctantly. "The things I've done to get you here, lover."</p>
<p>He grimaced at that, closing his eyes again.</p>
<p>"Hey, I'm talking to you! We need to work out what we're doing to do; where we're going to settle down – look, I know you love your kid, but we can have more kids, all right?"</p>
<p>She talked at him for what seemed like an hour, pacing back and forth, growing more and more irate. He lay there silently, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what Buck and Christopher were doing, trying to ignore the way his chest rattled with every breath. It was cold in the room – he wondered where they were. Not in LA anymore, he guessed.</p>
<p>And then she stormed out of the room and returned with a syringe, and he watched as she twisted his arm back to find a vein, and injected whatever the fuck it was into his system.</p>
<p>In no time, he was out again, back to oblivion.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Isabel was weeping quietly. Aunt Pepa stood with her arms wrapped around herself, tears in her eyes while Buck sat across from them, trying to hold it together. They were in Hen and Karen's living room, and Hen was sitting beside him, holding his hand.</p>
<p>"We're going to find him," Hen said confidently. "Athena won't give up, not for a second. She said they're going to pore through all of the CCTV footage and hunt whoever this woman is down. They won't rest until he's found. I promise you that."</p>
<p>Isabel nodded, too upset to speak. Aunt Pepa rested her hand on her shoulder comfortingly and said, "He has to come home. I know they'll do everything they can." She and Buck gave each other a long look, and then she smiled at him softly. "You won't give up."</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>"How long have you two been together?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "Not even two months."</p>
<p>Isabel murmured, "We had a feeling. We were all hoping." She gave him a tearful smile, and he swallowed hard, ducking his head.</p>
<p>"And you will take care of Christopher," Aunt Pepa said. "Will you stay here or at Eddie's house?"</p>
<p>"I'll take him home tomorrow, once the police have finished what they need to do."</p>
<p>"Anything you need, you just let us know," she said. "I'll make you some meals that you can freeze so you don't have to cook. And if you need us to babysit, it's not a problem. Just bring Eddie home."</p>
<p>He nodded, glancing at Hen again. "I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>"It's not your fault, at all."</p>
<p>"I still… feel responsible." He wiped his eyes, clearing his throat. "I'm going to take such good care of Christopher while Eddie's away, I promise."</p>
<p>"We know you will," Aunt Pepa said gently. "You make sure you keep us in the loop."</p>
<p>"I promise I will," he said, as his phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and said, "I have to take this. He rose to his feet and answered the call. "Athena?"</p>
<p>"Buckaroo – just a heads up. The blankets and sheets you bagged up had fluids on them."</p>
<p>"Fluids?"</p>
<p>"Yes, so they're sending everything off for testing. Now, it could be nothing, but if there's DNA there and it's not Eddie's – or yours—"</p>
<p>"It won't be mine."</p>
<p>"Well—"</p>
<p>"I'm telling you it won't be. Eddie changes his sheets every Sunday. The only other DNA on them should be his."</p>
<p>"I need you to come and give us a sample though, all right?"</p>
<p>He nodded. "Okay. Do you know anything else?"</p>
<p>"We might have a lead on the car. One of Eddie's neighbours said they've seen a black car like the Audi parked in his street over the last few weeks. Do you remember seeing it?"</p>
<p>He thought back. "God. I don't know. Let me think about it, all right?"</p>
<p>"Okay. Buck, you get some sleep tonight. We're calling in the Feds for this one, okay? We're doing everything we can to find him."</p>
<p>He was sure he wouldn't sleep. He thanked her and hung up, looking over at Aunt Pepa and Abuela again, on the verge of tears. "God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."</p>
<p>"This is not your fault," Pepa said firmly, striding around the couch to pull him in for a hug. "You will find him. We have total faith in you."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>After they left, he sat across from Hen and Karen, rubbing his face with exhaustion.</p>
<p>"Are you all right?" Karen asked worriedly. "Have you eaten at all today?"</p>
<p>He couldn't remember the last time he ate. Some toast at Eddie's house in the morning? "I think I had breakfast," he said, and a concerned look crossed her face. "I'm okay."</p>
<p>"No, you're not. I'll get you something to eat." Karen stood up, briefly squeezing Hen's shoulder before heading into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Buck and Hen exchanged a long look, and he was about to speak when he heard Christopher call his name. "Yeah, buddy?" he called back, rising to his feet and hurrying down the hall to the spare room. Christopher was sitting on the floor, hugging his favourite stuffed teddy bear, and when he realised Buck was in the doorway, he held his arms out. Buck went to him, dropping to his knees and enfolding him in a hug. "Hey, it's okay. Where's Denny?"</p>
<p>"I didn't want to play anymore," he said in Buck's ear. "I want my daddy."</p>
<p>"I know, buddy. He'll be home soon enough."</p>
<p>"You're staying with me, right?"</p>
<p>"I'm not going anywhere." Buck sat cross-legged on the floor and pulled Christopher into his lap, both arms wrapped around him.</p>
<p>"But if he had to leave, won't you have to go as well?"</p>
<p>Buck shook his head. "No, he wanted me to stay here with you. He said that this is going to be an adventure for us."</p>
<p>Christopher looked up at him. "It is?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I'm going to try to do half as good of a job as your dad," Buck said, smiling at him. "Don't worry, buddy. He'll be home soon, I promise."</p>
<p>"Okay," Christopher nodded, and yawned widely. "I'm pretty tired."</p>
<p>"Yeah, you look it. How about I read to you until you fall asleep?"</p>
<p>Christopher nodded. Buck lifted him up easily and tucked him into bed with his bear, sliding in on the other side.</p>
<p>"You're going to sleep in here tonight, right," Christopher whispered to him.</p>
<p>"Yep, I'll be on the floor, right next to you." Buck was wearier than he'd ever felt in his life. He took the Roald Dahl book from Christopher and opened it up, sliding one arm around his shoulders, and began to read.</p>
<p>It didn't take long for Christopher to fall asleep. Buck kissed his forehead (just like Eddie did every night before bed) and made sure he was tucked in, and then flicked the light off. The smell of food led him to the kitchen, and when he entered Karen presented him with a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.</p>
<p>"Eat," she ordered, setting it down on the table, a fork poking out of the centre of the bowl.</p>
<p>Buck sank down into the chair and dug in. It was exactly what he needed, and it was only when he was halfway through the meal that he realised they were both watching him intently. "Sorry," he said, swallowing a mouthful of food and taking a sip of water. "Sorry. I was starving. This is so good."</p>
<p>Karen smiled at him, settling into a seat at the table. "How are you, Buck?"</p>
<p>He lifted his shoulders in a shrug, shaking his head. "Terrible. I shouldn't have let him go by himself. We were just talking about him possibly having a stalker and what do I do? Let him go to get a coffee by himself."</p>
<p>"Eddie's a grown man who is more than capable of taking care of himself," Hen said gently. "You know that."</p>
<p>"He's too damn nice and helpful, that's what he is."</p>
<p>"Look, with Athena on this case, whoever has him better watch out," Hen said. "She's not going to give up until she finds him."</p>
<p>Buck, feeling hopeless, said, "They've got nothing to go on. Maybe some DNA on his sheets. Maybe."</p>
<p>"His sheets?"</p>
<p>"Yeah… he thought someone had been in his bed when he was at work." Buck grimaced, shuddering. "I know it's Eddie; I know how smart and strong he is, but… he's been sick for weeks. He's exhausted. If he was at 100%, I'd say that he'd get the better of her quickly, but… he's not even at 75% at the moment."</p>
<p>"It's just so creepy. Someone's been following him around, watching him? And your apartment as well," Karen said to Buck. "Do you think she knew that you and Eddie are… together? Are you together?"</p>
<p>"It's early days," he murmured. "But yeah… yeah, we are."</p>
<p>"I knew it," Hen said gently, and he actually managed a smile. "I've known it for a while. You two have been getting closer and closer all year."</p>
<p>"I love him," he said simply, trying not to break down. "I'm really in love with him."</p>
<p>"He loves you too, I'm sure," she said. "You two follow each other around."</p>
<p>"He put you in charge of his kid," Karen pointed out. "That's a big deal, Buck. That's huge."</p>
<p>"You don't think I can do it?"</p>
<p>"Not at all," Karen reassured him. "I know you can. I've seen you with Christopher. You're going to be a great father, and you will do the best you can looking after him while Eddie is away."</p>
<p>"And if you need any help at all," Hen said firmly, "you come to us. All right? Even if it's something in the middle of the night – just call me. I will answer."</p>
<p>He nodded gratefully. "Thank you."</p>
<p>"Besides, I have no doubt that Athena will find him," she said, flicking her hand casually. "I mean, it's <em>Athena</em>. The woman is unstoppable."</p>
<p>"And the FBI is getting involved."</p>
<p>"See? Whoever this woman is, she doesn't stand a chance," Hen said confidently. "You'll see."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie awoke, drenched in sweat. Where the fuck was he? Why was he tied down? Where was Buck? His heart was racing as he tried to figure it out, and said hoarsely, "Buck? Are you here?"</p>
<p>"Oh, he's not here, darling one."</p>
<p><em>Fuck. </em>It wasn't a dream.</p>
<p>"Let me go," he snapped, tugging on his restraints. "Let me go. I have to go home to my son."</p>
<p>"Can't do that, sorry." She emerged from the darkness and opened a curtain – the early morning light streamed in.</p>
<p>How long had he been asleep?</p>
<p>She was wearing a long yellow dress that reminded him vaguely of something Shannon would wear. Her blonde hair was pulled back from her face – she looked almost grotesque in the early morning light, with make-up far too heavy.</p>
<p>He said again, "My son, Christopher—"</p>
<p>"You don't need to worry about him anymore."</p>
<p>"I need to get home to him, and Buck—"</p>
<p>She laughed at that, throwing her head back. "Oh, that's rich. Buck, the guy you keep pushing away even though all he wants is to love you? The guy that follows you around with puppy dog eyes, pining away in the hopes that one day you'll take a look in his direction? We both know that's not going to last."</p>
<p>"You don't know anything about it," he groaned.</p>
<p>"Darling heart, <em>I do</em>. I've been watching you for over a month now, and you keep pushing him away. If you loved him, you'd have him in your bed with you, every night, but you don't."</p>
<p>He struggled to understand. "You've been watching for a month?"</p>
<p>"Maybe a little longer than that," she cooed, shrugging coquettishly. "When we met, I knew you were the one. The love of my life."</p>
<p>"When we met, we never…"</p>
<p>"You don't remember? The girl in the red Audi on the freeway in that horrible pile-up?" she tilted her head to the side, arching her eyebrows questioningly. "How could you forget me? We had a moment; you looked into my eyes and you saw right through to my heart."</p>
<p>He tried to think, his mind racing – the girl in the red Audi? <em>Fuck.</em> The girl in the red Audi was the same as the girl in the jewellery shop that day, and he'd seen her at other places as well but… he hadn't put two and two together, because she constantly changed her hair colour.</p>
<p>She was smiling down at him, her hands clasped to her chest. "Remember?"</p>
<p>"Yes," he said, not sure how to proceed. "Yeah, I remember you."</p>
<p>"I've been dreaming of getting you alone, just to talk about our future," she said wistfully. "And now I have you all to yourself, no Buck around to distract you—"</p>
<p>"I'm in love with him."</p>
<p>She paused, making a face. "Excuse me?"</p>
<p>"I'm in love with him. He's my partner. He'll be looking for me; he won't give up. You have to let me go."</p>
<p>"Let you go? We've only had one night together," she said soothingly. "Darling, you're so tired and unwell. Why don't you get some rest?"</p>
<p>He groaned, straining against the cuffs again. "My son needs me!" he shouted at her. "My son has cerebral palsy, do you understand? I'm his father. I need to be with him."</p>
<p>"You can have more kids. Healthy ones."</p>
<p>"Are you fucking serious? You can't just keep me here! They're looking for me!"</p>
<p>She loomed in close to him, leaning right over his face. She was smiling, but there was nothing behind her eyes – no warmth; nothing. A shell of a person. An immaculately dressed woman, with perfectly styled hair and red lips – a bombshell, and yes, he'd noticed that every time he'd crossed paths with her, but… she wore her beauty like a mask, to hide away the truth. There was nothing inside.</p>
<p>"You know, if you'd just called and asked me out on a date, we could've avoided all of this. That's usually how this goes."</p>
<p>"Usually?"</p>
<p>"You think you're the first? Don’t you disappoint me, Eddie. That's usually what happens – things are wonderful, the sex is great and then… the disappointment." Her head tilted to the side, eyes narrowing. "Don't be like them."</p>
<p>"Them? How many?!"</p>
<p>She shrugged. "That's a secret. Now, it's time for you to get some more rest, okay? I'm going to prepare us some food, and when you wake up, we can really talk and show our hopes and dreams for the future, how does that sound?"</p>
<p>He yanked on the handcuffs again, as hard as he could, but the metal bit into the soft flesh of his wrists. Frustrated, he fell back against the pillows, and began to cough violently.</p>
<p>She made a face at him, extracting a syringe from her pocket. "I mean, ideally you'd be in full health," she murmured, "but maybe it's better that you're a bit weakened. We'll talk when you wake up."</p>
<p>The needle went into his arm, and darkness swiftly followed.</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>When he awoke again, it was broad daylight, and all of the curtains were open. His hands were cuffed behind his back, and he was in a chair, still in the same bedroom, but with a table in front of him. His legs were bound as well, to the chair legs. His body ached. He felt <em>heavy</em> – his lungs were heavy; his head was pounding. He could hardly keep his eyes open.</p>
<p>She was sitting across from him, legs crossed. She was wearing a red dress and sipping from a flute of champagne, her eyes trained on him. "It's Valentine's Day," she said a little petulantly, but her words swam through his mind and didn't make any sense. "Hey," she snapped. "Eddie. It's Valentine's Day. Look at me."</p>
<p>It couldn't be; it wasn't February. He was sure of that. February was months away. Buck's birthday had only just been, for fuck's sake.</p>
<p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p>
<p>Had he been here for months? Had he lost months of his life?</p>
<p>He met her eyes then, and what must have been a horrified expression on his face sent her into fits of laughter. "Relax," she admonished. "It's nowhere near Valentine's Day!"</p>
<p>He groaned, his head lolling back. "Just let me go."</p>
<p>"The sooner you accept that we're going to be together, the easier this will be," she said, reaching across the table to touch his cheek. "Hungry?"</p>
<p>Food would give him strength, so he nodded. She stood up from the table, smoothing out her dress – it looked almost like a prom dress, with shimmery, sheer fabric – and disappeared from the room.</p>
<p>Eddie looked around again. He definitely wasn't in Los Angeles, of that he was certain – there was a heater in the corner of the room, turned off, and the room itself was cold. The building he was in was made of wood – a cabin of some sort, maybe. He guessed they were in the mountains, but he wasn't sure how long he'd been in the car.</p>
<p>He didn't know what day it was. He assumed he'd been gone for over twenty-four hours, which meant that Buck would have Christopher somewhere, and… his family would know. He had no idea what his parents would do or if they'd even turn up. He hoped Buck was prepared for anything.</p>
<p>He hoped Buck was prepared if he didn't make it back.</p>
<p>He wondered what good screaming for help would do, but he guessed she would just knock him out again, so he stayed silent. The most worrying thing was the pressure on his chest – breathing was more difficult than it had been twenty-four hours ago. It didn't help that he was tired and cold, and that his whole body was aching, especially his arms.</p>
<p>She returned to the room with a bowl of steaming hot soup and set it on the table in front of him. Chicken noodle, it looked like, his least favourite, but his stomach was growling. She dragged her chair around to sit beside him, and fed him in silence. It tasted awful, but it was something.</p>
<p>When the bowl was empty she wiped his face with a napkin and smiled at him. She'd overdrawn her lipstick, and it was bleeding in the corners of her mouth. Her make-up was caked on, her mascara heavy and clumped. From far away she looked good, but up close he could see the mask slipping. Her eyes were the dead giveaway – he vaguely remembered they'd been an eerie shade of green. She must have been wearing contacts, because her eyes were grey – flat grey. He'd never seen anything like it before.</p>
<p>Buck's eyes were blue, a brilliant shade of blue, and they changed colour depending on the light, but he'd never seen a person with grey eyes before.</p>
<p>She rested her head on her hand and gazed at him adoringly. "Tell me about yourself."</p>
<p>He had no inclination to tell her anything personal, so he said, "I have a son, Christopher, who needs me. I have to go home to him. Do whatever you want, just let me go home to him."</p>
<p>"Um… I think I made myself pretty clear," she said quizzically. "You are home. You're with me now; you're my boyfriend and your son is gone. It's time you started thinking about the family that you and I are going to have, together."</p>
<p>Eddie said the first thing that popped into his head. "I can't have any more kids."</p>
<p>She sat up straight, her eyes widening. "Excuse me?"</p>
<p>"I was injured in Afghanistan. I can't have any more kids. I can't have sex." Lies. Total lies.</p>
<p>"But your son—"</p>
<p>"I had him before I went."</p>
<p>"I saw you naked, and I didn't see any scares down there," she said accusingly.</p>
<p>He felt sick, but pressed on. "It was keyhole surgery. The scars are faded; it was years ago. I can't have sex anymore."</p>
<p>"But you and Buck—"</p>
<p>"Buck loves me regardless."</p>
<p>"You're lying," she snapped. "If I was to fuck you right now, you'd get an erection."</p>
<p>He shook his head. "Nope."</p>
<p>"A guy like you—"</p>
<p>"Yeah, a guy like me. Why do you think my wife left me? Why do you think I've been single for so long, huh? I had to turn to my best friend," he snapped. "So give it your best shot, but that's rape."</p>
<p>Her jaw dropped. "Rape."</p>
<p>"Yes, rape. You've abducted me, you're holding me captive and now you're going to rape me?"</p>
<p>"I'm not going to fucking rape you!" she snapped, anger flaring, slamming her fist on the table. "I could have any man I want. Any man. I don't have to resort to forcing them and I'm not going to force you. You'll fall in love with me like they all do."</p>
<p>He shook his head. "No, I won't. I'm in love with Buck. I want to go home to my kid and to Buck. There's nothing you can do. These other guys – how many of them did you kidnap, huh? How many? I bet I'm the first."</p>
<p>She stared at him, her eyes wide, unblinking.</p>
<p>"You're sloppy. You tried to kill Buck and failed, right? You left fingerprints at my house; you were in my bed. They'll get DNA," he said confidently. "You've done this before, right? You're in the system. They're going to find you, Stacey."</p>
<p>She made a face, and then cackled. "Stacey? Oh my god, you don't even know my real name! I forgot. That's cute."</p>
<p>"I don't care what your real name is."</p>
<p>"It's Denise."</p>
<p>"I just said, I don't care."</p>
<p>She grinned. "That was a lie anyway."</p>
<p>"I don't care! I want to go home to my kid!"</p>
<p>"God, you are no fun, seriously," she said with disgust, folding her arms across her chest petulantly. "Stop talking about your kid, it's boring. You're not going home, so let's talk about the fact that you're a fucking liar and you can have sex."</p>
<p>He shook his head. "I can't. I'm impotent. I told you! I have no reason to lie!"</p>
<p>"So you do want to have sex with me?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.</p>
<p>"That is quite literally the last thing I would ever want to do with you," he spat. "I'm in love with Buck. I'm <em>gay.</em> Do you understand?"</p>
<p>"If you're so in love with him, why do you keep pushing him away? I see you – I see the way he follows you around; I see how he looks at you and I know you see that too," she said, leaning in close. Her perfume was stale and irritated his eyes; she was drenched in it. "I bet you haven't even had sex."</p>
<p>"You're wrong," he said, meeting her eyes. "He's my boyfriend."</p>
<p>"Then why are you so fucking afraid of who you are?"</p>
<p>"Because… I don't want to tell my parents that I'm gay." He lifted his shoulders, swallowed hard, and looked away from her. That was the truth, right there.</p>
<p>"But you were married. I saw her memorial page."</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"Sometimes you feel like you don't have a choice; that you have to live a certain way," he said tightly. "So those feelings that you don't want, you shove all the way down inside. You get married and have a kid, you go to war, you come back and your wife fucking leaves you. So you do the stand-up thing and stay single for your kid, because your life doesn't matter anymore, not when you have him to look after… and then a big blonde idiot in a uniform that's far too tight for him walks into your life and everything that you've been trying to bury is right there at the top again, suffocating you. That's why, Stacey, Denise, or whatever the fuck your name is."</p>
<p>She gave him an assessing look, her eyes narrowed. "So you can't have sex but he fucks you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"I don't believe you."</p>
<p>"Why not? I have no reason to lie."</p>
<p>"Because I was in his house," she hissed. "I went through his things, Eddie. I found his little secrets, the dildos he keeps in the bathroom – kept in the bathroom. Buck likes to be fucked, and I'm guessing by you."</p>
<p>"How do you know those weren't for me?" he asked flatly.</p>
<p>She arched an eyebrow. "I know they weren't. I bet you didn't even know they existed."</p>
<p>No, he hadn't known, but it didn't matter. Sex toys were sex toys – who even cared?</p>
<p>"I'm not going to rape you," she said. "I don't do that. You're going to fall in love with me."</p>
<p>"I'm not," he replied. "I'm gay. Honestly, <em>I'm gay.</em>"</p>
<p>"Mmm." She sat back in her seat and crossed her legs with a scowl. "Here I am – look at me – fucking gorgeous. And here you are, my equal. And you're telling me that you – the most perfect man – are gay? You'll get over Buck, you know. He's not that great."</p>
<p>"Not to you," he muttered. "Just let me go, all right? We're not compatible!"</p>
<p>"Let you go? And have you run straight to the police?" she arched her eyebrows at him disbelievingly. "Are you for real?"</p>
<p>"Well, what the fuck else are you gonna do?" he demanded, and started to cough again, doubling over.</p>
<p>"Gross," she said bluntly. "What am I going to do? Well, you want to hear about all of the things I've done, Eddie?"</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The first was Anthony – Ant, she called him. They were thirteen. He lived down the street from her; he had a red bike. They used to go exploring together in the afternoons after school. One day he told her he had a new girlfriend – Sarah – and that he didn't want to be her friend anymore.</p>
<p>She hit him in the head with a rock and left him to drown in the river; they found his body two weeks later and called it an accident.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Joe was next. Joe was nice; he played football. Joe had a shitty blue pick-up truck – he used to give her rides after school. One day they marked near a corn field and looked up at the stars together; he told her he loved her and kissed her, she lost her virginity to him in the tray, under the stars – it was so romantic.</p>
<p>A week later he dumped her for someone else – Tracey.</p>
<p>Ten days after that, he was killed while working under his truck – the jack gave out and crushed him. Sad.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After Joe was Travis – she'd thought he was the one. They met their freshmen year at NYU – she was undertaking a communications degree and he was studying art history, the nerd. She fell hard and fast. They were together for two and a half years – a golden couple, rock solid.</p>
<p>And then something changed. Things grew strained. It wasn't as fun anymore; they were fighting all the time. She couldn't understand why he was different, and then she saw him with Vanessa.</p>
<p>It was happening again! How could it be happening again?</p>
<p>They found his body in the Hudson River – suicide. Such a shame.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>She left NYU, gave up her degree and studied nursing instead. That stuck for a while, but she was lonely and dated a string of guys - Eric, who was hit by a truck; Brad, who killed himself in the bathtub with a toaster; Dennis, who went overboard in the Gulf of Mexico and never surfaced. She moved around <em>a lot.</em></p>
<p>There were others as well, random guys, here and there – she liked to kill, sometimes for fun. She told Eddie about them; she didn't know their names but she knew how they died, all at her hand.</p>
<p>And before Eddie there was Peter, and that was love. Real, true love. He was a hero, in the Coast Guard, they were going to get married and then one day he told her that it was over; she was too clingy; she wanted too much and he didn't want her.</p>
<p>He went missing. They never found his body.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When she was finished, Eddie said quietly, "You're a serial killer."</p>
<p>She looked at him with pity and said, "Aw, that's sweet. Thank you."</p>
<p>And then she drugged him for the night.</p>
<p>~~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Trigger warnings:</p>
<p>* Drug use;<br/>* Mentions of rape (but NOBODY GETS RAPED I PROMISE, this is not a rape fic);<br/>* She's really mean but there's no real violence/torture or anything like that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bobby gave Buck time off, which was a bad call because he was climbing the walls. He and Christopher left Hen and Karen's and went back to Eddie's. He talked it through with Carla and they decided to update his personal details to show that he lived at Eddie's house, so they spent an afternoon working through that. She said it was to cover his bases. Eddie's parents weren't to be trusted.</p>
<p>They had no leads about Eddie. Athena was keeping him as up to date as possible, but the woman had vanished with him. Occasionally someone would say something like, "the first twenty-four hours are the most important, and the odds decrease every hour after," but Buck had total faith that Eddie was still alive.</p>
<p>There was not a world in which Eddie wouldn't be fighting to come home to Christopher.</p>
<p>And then, seventy-two hours after Eddie went missing, his parents arrived, not that he was too surprised about that. Pepa had told him to expect them.</p>
<p>Buck said to Christopher, "Your grandparents are here, but I'm gonna go talk to them before I let them in. All right? You cool to watch TV for me?"</p>
<p>Christopher nodded – totally absorbed in an episode of Spongebob.</p>
<p>Buck grabbed a certified copy of the court order from the bench (Carla made sure she had it ready for him, just in case), tucked it under his arm and went out to greet them.</p>
<p>Mr and Mrs Diaz stopped in their tracks. They both looked <em>pissed</em> – super pissed. Buck said, "Hi, Mr and Mrs Diaz. I know Pepa has been keeping you up to date."</p>
<p>"Are there any leads about Edmundo?" Mr Diaz asked stiffly.</p>
<p>"I'm waiting on a call from my friend Athena, who works for the LAPD," he replied. "I don't know anything more yet."</p>
<p>"And they think he's still alive?"</p>
<p>"Yes, sir." He had to still be alive.</p>
<p>"We'd like to see Christopher," Mrs Diaz said. "He is our grandson, after all."</p>
<p>"Yes, and I'll let you in, but you cannot take him." Buck <em>hated</em> confronting people, but he folded his arms across his chest and forced himself to stay strong. "Eddie put me in charge. I know it's not what you want. I know you're good people, and I know this is upsetting, but Eddie is coming home and until then, I'm Christopher's guardian."</p>
<p>"And what is our son to you?" Mr Diaz snapped.</p>
<p>Buck replied firmly, "He's my partner."</p>
<p>"Romantic partner?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>They exchanged a look. Mr Diaz rubbed the bridge of his nose and said, "Eddie isn't gay."</p>
<p>Buck had no idea what Eddie's sexuality was, but he knew damn well he wasn't straight. He said, "Yes, he is. We're in love."</p>
<p>"This is unacceptable," Mrs Diaz hissed at him. "Our grandson should not be raised by a person who is not even related to him—"</p>
<p>"Eddie is not dead. He put me in charge, and until he comes back, I'm looking after Christopher," he said evenly. "I'm his partner. I've been in his life for nearly three years."</p>
<p>"You're not <em>family</em>," Mrs Diaz spat at him. "It doesn't matter what my mother-in-law says – you are some stranger who is taking advantage of our son—"</p>
<p>"Mrs Diaz, your son is my boyfriend," Buck said tightly. "We're in love. He trusts me. Your mother-in-law trusts me; your sister-in-law does too. I know you know that I've spent a lot of time with your family. I know you know that I have a standing invitation to the monthly dinner at Abuela—uh, Isabel's house. I know you know that Christopher and I are very close, and that I would do anything for him and Eddie. I really don't want to fight with you about this. Eddie is coming home. They will find him and bring him home."</p>
<p>"He could already be dead," Mr Diaz said bitterly.</p>
<p>"He's not. I know he's not."</p>
<p>"You don't know anything." He and his wife exchanged a look. "We want to see our grandson, today."</p>
<p>"And I'm happy to let you see him, but he does not know that Eddie is missing," Buck said in a low voice, "and you are not to tell him. I've told him that Eddie has been called away for work and that he'll be back – you are not to tell him any differently, do you understand me?"</p>
<p>"Or you'll do what?" Mr Diaz sneered.</p>
<p>"I won't let you in."</p>
<p>"This is our son's house—"</p>
<p>"This is my house. I live here." Buck folded his arms across his chest. "And you have a restraining order against you, protecting both Eddie <em>and</em> Christopher. Technically you shouldn't even be on the front lawn."</p>
<p>They exchanged another look. Mrs Diaz said quietly, "We'd like to see Christopher. Please. We haven't seen him in a year."</p>
<p>Against his better judgement, Buck let them in. The visit went relatively smoothly – they stayed for about forty-five minutes, and asked if they could drop in the next day. He agreed to it, reluctantly, but Mrs Diaz thanked him on the way out. So that was something, at least.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>"How'd the visit with his parents go?" Athena asked later that night, as Buck poured a cup of tea for her and one for Bobby.</p>
<p>"They were okay in the end. They're staying with Pepa; she's going to make sure they don't do anything insane." He sat down at the table, drained, and said, "All right. Tell me what you know."</p>
<p>Athena sipped her tea slowly, her eyes trained on him. "As long as you promise not to go off half-cocked."</p>
<p>"I've got Christopher to worry about; I can't," he replied. "Tell me."</p>
<p>Bobby said quietly, "Buck, promise you won't freak out. No news is good news, all right?"</p>
<p>He nodded, fear creeping down his spine. "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"The FBI have taken over," Athena said quietly, "but because I know Eddie, and I know the agent in charge of the case, they're allowing me certain leeway. They're going to come here and talk to you tomorrow about everything you know, but they're pretty sure they know who has Eddie. She's a serial killer, Buck."</p>
<p>"A <em>serial killer?</em>"</p>
<p>Athena nodded, reaching out to close her hand over his. "Listen to me. What she's done here is not her normal operation. Usually she dates the guys for a while, and for whatever reason, when they dump her, she kills them. The FBI has been tracking her for ten years but she disappears into the wind; changes her name, everything. They think she originally grew up in Iowa – her name was Jennifer Smith, back then, but now… who knows. They're building a profile on her. They think this time they may actually be able to catch her, but… they have no idea where she's taken Eddie; if Eddie is still alive or… if she'll let him go."</p>
<p>"She'll kill him," he said quietly. "Because Eddie can't give her what she wants."</p>
<p>"We're not thinking like that yet," Bobby said reassuringly. "Eddie's smart; he's capable—"</p>
<p>"He's also sick as a dog, probably furious and missing Christopher like crazy," Buck replied. "I know him. He won't play whatever game she wants him to play."</p>
<p>"Maybe then she won't play her game either," Athena said, raising her eyebrows at Buck. "Listen to me – none of us know what she's going to do."</p>
<p>"She tried to kill me."</p>
<p>"She did, and she failed." Athena sipped her tea, glancing at Bobby. "They found her DNA on his sheets. She's been in his house."</p>
<p>"I had the locks changed today; Chim's putting in a security system as soon as he has all the parts." Not that he thought she'd come back – she wasn't interested in him or Christopher, but still – he'd been sleeping on Christopher's floor, just in case. "Do they have any idea where she might have taken him?"</p>
<p>Athena hesitated. She <em>hesitated</em>, and he realised she was holding back on him. "Athena, please," he said urgently. "I can't… do anything here; I can't go after him, not when I have Christopher to think about, but just give me some hope. A little bit of hope."</p>
<p>Bobby and Athena had a silent conversation with their eyes while Buck twisted his hands together. She finally said, "Buck, they're not in LA anymore, they know that for certain. They found where she's been crashing; they found the registration number of the car, but she's in the wind. The last time she's on a security camera, she's heading east. She could be anywhere by now."</p>
<p>Big Bear popped into his head out of nowhere – left over from Maddie's ordeal, no doubt, but still. It was east. It was secluded, this time of year. Plenty of empty cabins. However, it would be stupid to go up there half-cocked, not when he had Christopher to think about.</p>
<p>Athena said warningly, "Buckaroo, you get that look right off your face. There is no way that you can go driving off searching for him, you understand me? It's a needle in a haystack. They are going to find him."</p>
<p>"Yep," he said quietly. "I know."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I'm dosing you too much.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You are super out of it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's been five days, and you look weaker as the days go by. I'm worried about you. I thought you were stronger than this?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>After our conversation, I put you back to sleep, and you've hardly been awake since. I adjusted the dosage, and I haven't given you anymore, but you're not looking well. I mean, I was a nurse, Eddie, I know what pneumonia looks like and I'm pretty sure you have it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I'm pretty sure I'm giving up on you falling in love with me as well.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The impotence thing was a lie; I'm sure, but… you don't want me to touch you and this has never happened to me before. Guys want me, and you don't seem to understand that. Guys want to be with me. You don't – it's bizarre.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm not a rapist. I don't get down like that. You don't want me to touch you; you recoil from me. You look at me warily and I know you'd kill me if you got half the chance, so I have to keep you locked up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I'm pretty sure you're dying, Eddie… you aren't well, at all, and it's not entirely my fault for once.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie blinked. His mouth felt like the Sahara desert, and he was absolutely starving. He was in a bed, under a pile of blankets, his wrists handcuffed to the bed frame. How long had he been asleep?</p>
<p>"Good morning," she cooed at him from the door, holding a tray. "It's nice to see you awake."</p>
<p>His mouth was so dry he could hardly speak, and when he tried to clear his throat, all that did was bring on a violent coughing fit.</p>
<p>She made a face at him from the door, unimpressed.</p>
<p>Eddie fought for breath, managing to rasp out that he needed water. She set the tray down on the top of a dresser and hurried to the bed with a bottle of water in her hands. She tipped it into his mouth and he drank greedily, until it was all gone.</p>
<p>And then he promptly began to choke and spew, and she leapt off the bed as though she'd been burned.</p>
<p>"Gross," she said with disgust, disappearing from the room again.</p>
<p>Eddie turned his head to the side, trying to not to choke on his own vomit. His stomach convulsed, and then he was coughing again, hacking up globs of phlegm.</p>
<p>"This is not how I wanted this to go," she snapped at him as she returned cleaning him up with a towel. "Jesus Christ, Eddie. You're disgusting."</p>
<p>He couldn't respond. He lay back against the pillows limply, and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>"So… you have a fever," she said after a moment. "And fluid on your lungs. You know what that means, right?"</p>
<p>Pneumonia.</p>
<p>"And if I'm honest with you, this whole thing has been a monumental disappointment. I thought… this could be a nice, romantic getaway for the two of us, but you've been asleep the whole time. The whole time!"</p>
<p>So he was going to die, in a bed, somewhere no one would find him. He'd never see Christopher again, or Buck. And he really wanted to see them both again. His boys.</p>
<p>He said hoarsely, "Can you let me go?"</p>
<p>She barked out a laugh. "No."</p>
<p>"Can you… call Buck for me?"</p>
<p>"Why would I do that?"</p>
<p>He opened his eyes and looked up at her dully. "So I can say goodbye to my son."</p>
<p>She stared down at him, her hands on her hips. "You don't want me at all, do you?"</p>
<p>"No. I want my boys." He closed his eyes again. "Call Buck."</p>
<p>"Don't you fucking tell me what to do."</p>
<p>"Please call Buck."</p>
<p>She slapped him, hard. His head lolled to the side, but he had no fight left in him. He waited for another blow, but she simply stormed away, her heels clacking on the wooden floors.</p>
<p>When she returned, she dragged a chair over to the side of the bed. He heard her mutter, "What the fuck am I doing, why am I doing this, this is so fucking stupid," before an old Nokia mobile phone was pressed up against his ear.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes. There was ringing – it was ringing! She was calling Buck?</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Buck and Christopher were watching television in the lounge room. When his phone began to ring, he didn't recognise the number flashing on his screen and debated whether or not to answer – but maybe it was someone calling about Eddie? He rested his hand on top of Christopher's head, ruffling his hair, and answered the call. "Hello?"</p>
<p>"<em>Buck</em>."</p>
<p><em>Eddie.</em> He stood, heart pounding, and whispered, "Eds?"</p>
<p>"Buck. Tell Chris I love him."</p>
<p>Christopher was looking up at him with huge eyes – the kid missed nothing. Buck said, "You can tell him yourself, he's right here."</p>
<p>"No. Buck, I'm dying." Eddie began to cough violently, and Buck raked a hand through his hair as he listened, his heart in his throat. "Buck," Eddie said again. "Tell Chris I never stopped fighting."</p>
<p>"Where are you? Is she still there? I could come and get you," he said, fighting back tears. "Eddie, tell me where you are."</p>
<p>"I don't know man, I'm cold," he said, and coughed again. "Buck, I love you."</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>"Nah, like… in love with you. Like… you're the one I want to marry." Eddie's voice was fading. "Dreaming of you, all the time. All the time. Tell Chris I love him."</p>
<p>"Eddie, please—"</p>
<p>"Tell Chris to be strong and have a good life. Tell Chris I'm watching out for him."</p>
<p>"Eddie, I love you," Buck said urgently. "Tell me where you are, please!"</p>
<p>"I'm pretty cold, Buck. Pretty cold."</p>
<p>"That's enough," a female voice said, and the line went dead.</p>
<p>"Daddy?" Christopher asked Buck hopefully, still on the couch, gazing at him with huge eyes. "Was that Daddy? Is he coming home?"</p>
<p>Buck looked over at him, clutching his teddy bear, and thought again – <em>Big Bear.</em> He was cold – he'd said it twice. Where else nearby was cold? That had to be where she'd taken him.</p>
<p>He checked his watch – it was midday. Eddie had been missing for five days. Five days with a chest infection; five days of his lungs filling with fluid and no medical intervention. Five days of being starved and tortured or whatever the fuck she was doing to him.</p>
<p>Buck said to Christopher, "Hey, buddy… can I take you to Aunty Maddie's house? I'll come pick you up tonight. I'm going to go get your dad."</p>
<p>Christopher said quietly, "He's not coming back, is he?"</p>
<p>"No, he just needs my help. He called me to ask for help," Buck said, bending down to lift Christopher up into his arms. "Your dad loves you so much. He needs you to be strong, okay? You're the strongest, toughest kid I know, and when I bring him home, he's going to be so happy to see you."</p>
<p>"You're really going to bring him back?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I am," Buck said with determination. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You're asleep again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're dying. I checked your vitals – they're not great. Your fever is spiking and your breathing is laboured. I even undid the cuffs because your wrists were bleeding all over the place. I don't think you have the strength to do anything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I really thought you were different; that you were the one.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I really thought that I was going to finally settle down and be happy with the man of my dreams, but I was too late. You're already gone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I could put you out of your misery, or I could let you go. I've never let anyone go, but I feel… pity towards you. You know the funny thing? This whole time, you never called me a bitch. Not once. They all called me a bitch, you know – all of them, but not you. Maybe that's why… I feel inclined to show some leniency for once.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Or maybe I'm losing my touch.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe it's the fact that all you want to do is go home to your kid.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't know.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe it's the fact that you're dying and for once it's not really my fault. I mean, sure, I've made things worse, but still.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I should just let you go.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Buck, what are you doing?" Maddie asked him quietly.</p>
<p>Christopher was on the couch in her living room, curled up with his bear, watching TV.</p>
<p>Buck said quietly, "I'm going to go find him."</p>
<p>"You don't know where he is."</p>
<p>"He's in Big Bear; I know he is."</p>
<p>Maddie's hand went to her mouth and her eyes went wide. She shook her head slightly, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him into the kitchen. "Listen to yourself," she said urgently. "You're not sleeping well; you're not eating. You're sick with grief. I get it. But you're projecting. There is no possible way you know where he is."</p>
<p>"He called me. She let him call me," he replied, his voice low. "He told me he was cold. Where else—"</p>
<p>"Air conditioning," she said through clenched teeth. "Literally air conditioning, Buck. You have Christopher to think about – you can't just drive off and leave him here. The FBI will find Eddie."</p>
<p>He wanted to argue; he was going to argue, but the terrified look in her eyes made him crumble. He took a step away from her, shaking his head – he was so sure, so fucking positive, but…</p>
<p>Maybe she was right.</p>
<p>"You need to talk to the FBI, tell them what he said. Maybe she's letting him go."</p>
<p>"Or maybe she let him call me because he's dying." He gave her a haunted look. "He's dying, Maddie, and I… love him so much. You have no idea. It's like my heart has been ripped out of my chest; it's like I can't breathe. I just… I feel like I'm dying as well, do you understand?"</p>
<p>"I know he's your best friend—"</p>
<p>"He's not just my best friend, he's my everything, he's… he's <em>everything</em>," he said hoarsely, gripping her kitchen counter, trying not to lose it. "And the thought of him dying is terrifying. I have to go find him."</p>
<p>"You don't know where he is, Buck," she said quietly. "Buck, please… stay here tonight, with us. Please. You and Christopher. I'll make up the spare room for you. You shouldn't be alone; you shouldn't be shouldering this all by yourself."</p>
<p>He closed his eyes, tears streaking down his cheeks. "I want him back."</p>
<p>"I know."</p>
<p>"I want him in my arms again. I want to see him smile; I want to hear his laugh. I want him to give me that look he always gives me, that little smirk thing… I just want… when I'm with him, the world is better." His voice faded out, as he dreamed of Eddie, and her arms wrapped around him in a tight hug. "I'm so in love with him."</p>
<p>"I know, baby," she whispered. "I know."</p>
<p>"I just want to go look."</p>
<p>"I don't think you're in any shape to drive."</p>
<p>He pulled away, wiping his eyes. "Then I could go tomorrow morning and be back by the afternoon… I just want to go look."</p>
<p>The front door opened, and Chimney's voice wafted through the house. "Hey, Buck? Are you here? Oh hey, Christopher! Hey man!"</p>
<p>Buck pulled out of Maddie's arms, turning away, wiping his eyes. She said, "You can't go. You know you can't go. You have to stay here for him."</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<p>"Buck, promise me you won't go."</p>
<p>He glanced at her, and shook his head. "I can't."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie was pretty sure he was dying.</p>
<p>It was a slow death, and really fucking painful, but he was definitely dying. The fluid in his lungs was killing him.</p>
<p>She gave him a drug; he lost time again. Another night must have passed, but he had no idea what day it was. He was feverish – hot sometimes and then freezing cold. The thought of food made him feel sick. He just wanted to sleep; sleeping meant there was no pain.</p>
<p>He asked her where they were, and she told him they were in a cabin in Big Bear.</p>
<p>That almost made him laugh. Big Bear – Buck would hate that. Ever since the thing with Maddie and Doug, he refused to entertain the idea of going anywhere near the place.</p>
<p>And now Eddie was here as well, and he was probably going to die here. Buck would be so pissed off.</p>
<p>He asked her if she could just let him go, and she'd given him a long look. He told her he was sorry, and she rolled her eyes and left.</p>
<p>He couldn't breathe very well, anymore.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, so you're… not really opening your eyes and you're not responding when I speak to you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I have a choice to make. Either I call your dipshit boyfriend and let him come rescue you, or… I walk away, and they find your body in the summer.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then I think about your kid, Eddie. I mean, I may be a monster, but I'm not heartless. And your kid is pretty cute, and I can tell that you're a good dad. You would've been a great dad to our kids.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm losing my touch, but god damn it, I am going to call that boyfriend of yours and make his day.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>For the first time in nearly a week, Buck had slept through the night. He awoke to Christopher patting his face in the morning, sitting up slowly, looking around – and realised that Maddie had given him some of that damn sleepy time tea she was always raving on about.</p>
<p>But he did feel better, that was the thing. Clearer. Big Bear seemed like a stupid idea, and she was right – he was projecting because of what had happened to her, and Eddie could be anywhere. The fact that he'd said it was cold there meant nothing.</p>
<p>He and Christopher both got dressed and went out to the kitchen – Athena was there, in her uniform, and when they walked into the room Chimney said, "You're in trouble."</p>
<p>"Uh oh," Christopher said, smiling up at Maddie, who helped him onto a seat at the kitchen table.</p>
<p>"You forget to call me yesterday?" Athena asked, arching an eyebrow at him. "Can you give me the number they called from?"</p>
<p>"Sure," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket, just as it began to ring, and Eddie's picture flashed up on the screen. He fumbled to answer it, his heart pounding, and turned his back on them. "Eddie?!"</p>
<p>"This isn't Eddie. Hi Buck."</p>
<p>He sucked in a breath. "<em>You.</em>" Athena was at his side in an instant, but he yanked away from her, shaking his head.</p>
<p>"Me. Listen, it's not working out between us, and here's the thing – I don't want him anymore. This has not been what I expected, let me tell you."</p>
<p>"Where are you? Where is he?" he demanded.</p>
<p>"Well, that's where it gets complicated," she said. "I don't want a police presence up here, so I'm offering you a one-time deal. You come alone – and I mean <em>alone</em>. You don't tell your police friends about this. You come up here by yourself and I give you your boy back."</p>
<p>"Deal," he replied, ignoring their startled looks. "Where are you?"</p>
<p>"Head east on the 210. I'll call you in an hour." The phone went dead.</p>
<p>Athena's hand closed around his arm. "Buckaroo, you think very seriously—"</p>
<p>"She told me I can come and get him," he interjected, giving her a sharp look. "Alone."</p>
<p>"No," Maddie snapped.</p>
<p>Chimney said, "No way, man. It's a trap."</p>
<p>Buck pointed at Christopher and said, "I'm going."</p>
<p>"Daddy?" Christopher asked hopefully, looking up at him.</p>
<p>"I hope so," he said, bending over to look into his eyes. "I'm gonna go find him, okay? Can you stay here with Aunty Maddie and wait for me to come back?"</p>
<p>Christopher nodded seriously. "Please bring him home, Buck."</p>
<p>"I'm going to, kiddo," he said, and kissed him on the forehead.</p>
<p>Chimney said, "You can't be serious, man. I'll come with you."</p>
<p>"No, I'm going alone. I have to go alone." He hurried down to the spare bedroom to retrieve his keys and wallet, and started down the hall to the door. Athena blocked him, her hands on her hips. "Seriously—"</p>
<p>"No, you listen to me," she said sharply. "You are going to get yourself killed. I'm coming with you – even if it means I have to hide in the backseat, Buck. I'm coming with you. You're not going alone. Do you understand?"</p>
<p>"You can't tell the Feds," he said sharply, and her eyes widened with indignation. "I'm serious. If he dies because you told them what was up, I'll never forgive you."</p>
<p>"Buckaroo!"</p>
<p>"You heard me. Are we going?"</p>
<p>Athena glared at him, yanking open the front door. "Let's go then. Lead the way." Once they were in his Jeep and on the road, she gave him a stern look. "Where are we going?"</p>
<p>"She said to get on the 210 and head east."</p>
<p>Athena sucked in a breath. "Big Bear."</p>
<p>"Yep," he said through gritted teeth, kicking himself for not trusting his instincts. Of course – of course it had to be fucking Big Bear, where everything went wrong for the Buckley's. Not today, though. He was going to have Eddie back in his arms by the end of the day.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>She was pacing around his bed with her hand on her lips, his phone clutched in her hand. She'd called Buck – he'd vaguely heard that conversation as he awoke, but he wasn't sure what she'd said to him.</p>
<p>He felt her fingers on his throat, and kept his eyes closed. She groaned and began to mutter. "Why am I doing this? I should just fucking kill you; you're as good as dead anyway. He's probably not going to get here in time."</p>
<p>Hope flared in his heart. Buck was coming… here?</p>
<p>She pulled away from him. Her footsteps disappeared around the side of the bed. He opened his eyes a crack – she was leaving the room, and he was alone.</p>
<p>She'd called Buck, which meant… what, exactly? That she was letting him go, or she was going to kill Buck? There was no possible way that Buck would wait for the police – he would already be on his way, driving like a madman to rescue him. Eddie knew Buck better than anyone.</p>
<p>She'd undone his cuffs; he wasn't bound to the bed anymore, but he wasn't sure he could fight her if he had to. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything.</p>
<p>He was trying to decide what to do when she came back into the room, leaned over him and said, "Okay, I don't know if you can hear me, but… this isn't going to work out between us, so I'm breaking up with you."</p>
<p><em>What.</em> He stayed as still as possible.</p>
<p>"And this is strange for me, because I don't usually do the dumping!" she exclaimed. "So maybe I'm turning a corner? I can see that this isn't going to work out so I'm being the bigger woman and walking away. You can have your kid and your Buck, and we'll go our separate ways."</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh my god.</em>
</p>
<p>She was still hovering over him. "I just want to say that… you're actually a decent guy. I wish things could've worked out differently between us, but you've got too much baggage, man. I need to find someone less attached. He'll be here soon, so I'm gonna go… hope you don't die, I guess."</p>
<p>She pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he heard her leave the room.</p>
<p><em>Buck</em>, he thought, opening his eyes again. Buck was coming to save him.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, it certainly wasn't what we were expecting, lover.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're really sick now, and… honestly, that grosses me out. There's a reason I'm not still a nurse. I'm not cut out for it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your boy is on his way. I think you're better off with him anyway. You and I, we're not meant to be. I see that now.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Still, you're cute, even when you're dying. Maybe I'll check in from time to time, see how you're doing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Goodbye, you.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Buck was an hour out from Big Bear when his phone rang again, flashing Eddie's picture. He shot Athena a pointed look – <em>stay quiet</em> - and answered it. "Where am I going?"</p>
<p>"Cabin 210, right on the lake. He's in the back bedroom. You better hurry. I'm pretty sure he's dying."</p>
<p>Buck said desperately, "Please, call an ambulance for him."</p>
<p>"No, he'll still be here when you arrive. If you call an ambulance before you get here, I'll go in there and cut his throat. Don't fucking tempt me."</p>
<p>With that, she hung up.</p>
<p>Athena said quietly, "Buck, you need to brace yourself. This could be a trap, you know. She might want to finish what she started."</p>
<p>He shook his head. "It's not. If she really wanted me dead, she would've done it by now."</p>
<p>"And what if you go in there and she tries to kill you?"</p>
<p>"The way I feel right now, she wouldn't stand a chance," he said in a low, venomous voice. "Look – I'm not stupid. I know you all think I am, but I'm not. He is the love of my life, and right now, I'm the one who can save him, so I'm going to."</p>
<p>"Nobody thinks you're stupid. You're impulsive and that's not always a good thing." Athena paused, and then said, "But… this week, Buck, you've been putting Christopher first; you've been making sure he's all right and you've been doing such a good job, so… maybe we're all a little hard on you."</p>
<p>He glanced at her. "Yeah, maybe."</p>
<p>"You're just our Buckaroo," she said gently. "And I feel responsible for you."</p>
<p>"As much as I wish you were, you're not my mom, Athena."</p>
<p>She gave him a sad smile. "I know you're not close with your parents. Has Eddie ever met them?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "I haven't really talked about them. He has enough trouble with his own family."</p>
<p>Athena reached out to pat his leg. "I really hope this isn't a trap."</p>
<p>"If it is, you've got a gun," he pointed out. "So I think we'll be okay."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>They pulled over on the shoulder before the road began to wind its way up the mountain, and Athena climbed into the backseat and lay down. "I feel stupid," she grumbled, but did it anyway.</p>
<p>And then they began to ascend – Buck sped through the turns, his desperation growing the closer they were to the lake, ignoring Athena's protests from the backseat. The trees thinned out and the cabins began to appear, and he followed the signs, looking for number 210. As he made the turn, a black Audi passed him, and he locked eyes with her.</p>
<p>She smiled at him.</p>
<p>He recognised her instantly – the girl from the bar, the one he'd poured his heart out to.</p>
<p>She waved, and the car passed by.</p>
<p>"She just drove past us," he said to Athena. "Black Audi, heading down the mountain. Same car. Not sure about the plates."</p>
<p>"As soon as you find him, I'll call it in. She won't get far," Athena promised.</p>
<p>Buck stomped on the accelerator and careened down the road, searching the cabin numbers desperately. Athena protested from the backseat, but he didn't dare reply to her, in case she was still watching them, somehow. And then he found it, number 210, with the front door wide open.</p>
<p>"Stay here," he said to her, and leapt out of the car. He pounded up the pathway and into the cabin, shouting Eddie's name. <em>Let him be here, please god, let him be here.</em></p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>"Eddie! <em>Eddie!</em>"</p>
<p>Buck?</p>
<p>He sat up slowly, his head spinning, and threw his legs over the side of the bed – god he was weak, weaker than he'd ever been in his whole life. He pushed himself into a standing position, swaying, and took two steps before his knees gave out.</p>
<p>Before he could crash to the floor, Buck's strong arms were wrapped around him, and they sank down together. Buck's lips found his in a trembling kiss, and Eddie felt all of his fears melt away. "<em>Buck.</em>"</p>
<p>"Hey," Buck said gruffly, his lips trailing across Eddie's cheek. "I've got you. You're safe. You're going to be okay."</p>
<p>"Christopher."</p>
<p>"He's fine; he's been with me the whole time. He's with Maddie now." Buck was fumbling in his pocket for his phone, and Eddie rested his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes as he made a call. "Athena, call everyone, I've got him. Call an ambulance." He ended the call and stood, lifting Eddie up with him. "Let's get out of this fucking house, all right?"</p>
<p>Eddie nodded, too tired to argue. Buck carried him outside – it was freezing cold, and he shivered, but soon he was in the backseat of Buck's Jeep with the heater blasting. His head was in Buck's lap, and he was swathed in a blanket that Athena had grabbed from inside the house.</p>
<p>Eddie looked up at Buck, who was gently stroking his face. "I'm dying." His voice was hoarse.</p>
<p>"You're going to be okay."</p>
<p>"If I die, you know where everything is. My Will and everything." He closed his eyes, wanting to drift off to sleep again.</p>
<p>"I have all your stuff, but you're not going to die." Buck leaned over him, pressing his lips to his forehead. "I know you're not giving up."</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"You're a fighter, so you're going to hang on for Christopher."</p>
<p>He opened his eyes again to find Buck smiling down at him tearfully. "I love you," he whispered. "So much."</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>"And Christopher… I just want to see him."</p>
<p>"You'll see him today, I promise. We'll get you back to LA and I'll bring him to you." Buck kissed his forehead again, as sirens began to sound in the distance. "I promise you, Eds, I promise you… I will love you every single day for the rest of our lives, all right? I've been in love with you from the first day we met. We're a team, right? You've got my back and I've got yours."</p>
<p>He nodded, but everything felt heavy, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. The door to the Jeep opened and a blast of icy air blew in. Athena said, "The ambulance is here, Buck."</p>
<p>Buck leaned over to kiss him again. "Hang on, Eds," he said, but Eddie was already drifting off to sleep. "You're safe now."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>As the paramedics checked Eddie over, Buck turned to Athena, who had just ended a call with the FBI. She turned to him with raised eyebrows and said, "They're confident that they'll find her. They're pissed that you and I came up here without back-up, but… that's for me to deal with."</p>
<p>He looked over at Eddie, who was hooked up to an IV drip and oxygen, his eyes closed again. "I'm going with him."</p>
<p>"I'll take your keys; bring your car back to LA," she said. "The FBI will be here soon to take over the crime scene. I should be back in the city tonight. Call me with updates, all right?"</p>
<p>He nodded. "Thanks," he said to her gratefully. "Seriously, thank you."</p>
<p>Athena smiled at him, but her face quickly grew serious. "This is the last time you and I make an emergency run to the snow, all right? We're not doing this again."</p>
<p>"God, I hope not," he agreed, and followed the paramedics to the ambulance. He climbed into the back and sat across from Eddie, taking his hand. Eddie's eyes fluttered open again. "Hey, buddy. I'm here. You're okay."</p>
<p>"Not a dream?" Eddie rasped.</p>
<p>Buck shook his head. "This is real life."</p>
<p>"Good." He closed his eyes again.</p>
<p>~~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, I wasn't going to drag out the Eddie-napping for too long. 😉 Hope everyone is breathing a sigh of relief that Buck and Eddie have been reunited!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Eddie awakened, it felt like he'd been sleeping for months.</p>
<p>Buck was at his bedside with Christopher in his lap, and they were both asleep. When Eddie looked around, he realised Carla was sitting on the other side of the bed. She smiled brightly at him, taking his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.</p>
<p>"Hi," she whispered, so as not to wake them. "Nice to see your eyes again."</p>
<p>"Where?" was all he managed to ask.</p>
<p>"Cedars Sinai in LA. They airlifted you out. You came very close, but you're going to be okay." She bent over to kiss his forehead. "You've been asleep since they brought you here yesterday. Buck hasn't left your side."</p>
<p>He looked over at Buck then. Christopher's head was tucked under his chin as they slept soundly.</p>
<p>"He saved me," he whispered.</p>
<p>"Well, he ran off half-cocked and could've gotten himself killed, but yes, he saved you." Carla squeezed his hand again. "You have pneumonia, Eddie. You nearly died. You wouldn't have lasted another night. They're concerned that there might be serious damage to your lungs – you're going to be off work for a while. A long while, maybe. You're very sick."</p>
<p>He had breathing tubes in his nose, and was hooked up to various beeping machines. "I feel like I've been hit by a bus."</p>
<p>"I've seen you look better." Carla hesitated, and then said, "They haven't caught her."</p>
<p>He closed his eyes. "They won't."</p>
<p>"They'll come in here to talk to you about it."</p>
<p>"She's gone."</p>
<p>"You don't think she'll come back?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "I wasn't what she wanted."</p>
<p>Suddenly Buck lifted his head, blinking rapidly, and then realised Eddie was awake. "Eds," he whispered, and gently nudged Christopher until he was yawning and opening his eyes as well. "Look, Chris. Dad's awake."</p>
<p>"Daddy!" Christopher exclaimed, and promptly burst into tears, reaching out for him desperately.</p>
<p>Buck looked over at Carla for permission. Carla said, "Just watch the cords. He can have a cuddle with his dad. It's okay."</p>
<p>So Buck helped Christopher onto the bed, and he curled up against Eddie, weeping softly. Eddie murmured reassuring things, tears dripping down his face. He looked up at Buck and whispered, "Thank you."</p>
<p>Buck nodded, swallowing hard. "Anything for you."</p>
<p>"You saved my life."</p>
<p>"It's what I do." Buck bent over to press a kiss to his forehead. "Do you want the good news or the bad news?"</p>
<p>"Bad news."</p>
<p>"Okay. Bad news is that Chimney made a huge mess setting up the security system in your house, but I'll have it all cleaned up by the time you get home."</p>
<p>"Security system?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I went all out. All the bells and whistles for my boys." Buck dragged the chair closer to the bed.</p>
<p>"The news could be worse," he replied, casting his fingers through Christopher's hair. "Good news?"</p>
<p>"The good news is that I officially have a new place to live."</p>
<p>Eddie gave him a confused look. "You went house hunting while I was missing?"</p>
<p>"Nope, I just moved into your place."</p>
<p>Christopher lifted his head and said, "Buck lives with us now."</p>
<p>He didn't have it in him to argue about that – in fact, he liked the idea. He said, "As long as you do the cooking, I don't care."</p>
<p>"Deal." Buck smiled at him, and then glanced up at Carla. "Told you he'd be cool with it."</p>
<p>"I think right now he'd agree to just about anything," she said affectionately.</p>
<p>Eddie hugged Christopher for a while, drifting back off to sleep. He heard Carla and Buck talking in low voices – something about his parents – and the door open and close. When he opened his eyes again, Buck was bent over with his head resting on Eddie's hand, but he looked up when Eddie moved his fingers.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Eddie asked. Christopher was curled up against him, his head on his shoulder, asleep.</p>
<p>"Your parents are here, but they're limiting visitors at the moment, and they're not on the list. Carla's talking to them." Buck raised his eyebrows slightly. "I can go get them, or ask them to leave—"</p>
<p>"I don't want to see them today. Maybe tomorrow." He couldn't deal with <em>that</em> right now. "Can you ask them to leave?"</p>
<p>"Sure thing." Buck rose to his feet, bending over to press a kiss to his forehead before leaving the room.</p>
<p>Christopher lifted his head, blinking sleepily, and smiled when he realised Eddie was awake. "Hi Dad."</p>
<p>"Hi," Eddie whispered. "I missed you."</p>
<p>"I missed you too, every day."</p>
<p>"Me too, kiddo."</p>
<p>"You're not going to go away again, are you?"</p>
<p>"No, I'm not, I promise," he said, hugging him close. "I'm going to be here every day."</p>
<p>"With Buck as well."</p>
<p>He chuckled. "Yeah, we got us a keeper there, don't we?"</p>
<p>Christopher nodded. "He's the best."</p>
<p>"Yeah, he is." Eddie licked his lips, suddenly realising how thirsty he was. He looked around the room and spotted a pitcher of water on the table near the door. "What'd you guys do while I was away?"</p>
<p>Christopher filled him in – he'd gone to school as normal but in the afternoons Buck picked him up; he'd seen his grandparents most days and been around to play with Denny, and he and Buck had spent every night playing Monopoly together.</p>
<p>"Monopoly," Eddie said quizzically, as the door to the room opened again and Buck stepped inside. He gestured to the water jug desperately, and Buck nodded at him, turning to fill up a glass.</p>
<p>"Yeah, Buck says it's an important skill to have," Christopher replied. "To be good at Monopoly."</p>
<p>"Isn't it more a game of chance?"</p>
<p>Buck snorted. "No, Eds. There's an important Buckley strategy that I needed to impart on Christopher." He carried the glass over to the bed and held it to Eddie's lips. Eddie lifted his head and downed as much as he could, settling back against the pillows again. Buck touched his cheek lightly, lovingly, and smiled down at him.</p>
<p>"So you've taught my kid how to be ruthless, is that it?"</p>
<p>Buck grinned. "Some things you don't need to teach."</p>
<p>"Oh god."</p>
<p>"We can play, right?" Christopher asked him. "When you come home?"</p>
<p>He looked back and forth between them. "Not if it means you two are going to gang up to destroy me."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Doctors and nurses bustled in and out, checking his vitals, asking him questions. He was wiped out, but did everything they asked of him while Buck and Christopher watched silently from the corner of the room. Afterwards, Carla returned and collected Christopher, and the two wandered off together in search of some lunch. Buck pulled his chair over to Eddie's bed, resting his hands on his folded arms, gazing at him adoringly.</p>
<p>Eddie curled his hand around Buck's face and lightly scratched his cheek. "You okay?"</p>
<p>"I am now. Are you okay?"</p>
<p>He let out a breath, looking around the hospital room. "I mean, I don't think I'm dying anymore, so that's good."</p>
<p>"The doctor says you're going to be okay. We'll have you home in no time."</p>
<p>He nodded, giving Buck a long look. "I love you."</p>
<p>"I know. I love you too."</p>
<p>Eddie stroked his cheek again and said quietly, "I knew you'd do a great job with him."</p>
<p>"One less thing for you to worry about." Buck gazed at him. "I promise you that I'll never let anything happen to you or Chris ever again. I swear."</p>
<p>"This was not your fault."</p>
<p>"I shouldn't have let you go—"</p>
<p>"Not your fault," he said firmly. "She had an opportunity and she took it."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but she wouldn't have if I'd been there."</p>
<p>"Maybe she would've killed you, Buck. She hated you." Eddie lifted his hand and ran his fingers through Buck's curly hair – he was product-free, for once, and Eddie kinda liked it that way. "She was following us for ages… she was watching us all the time. She talked about it a lot. She said I kept pushing you away."</p>
<p>Buck grimaced. "That's not true."</p>
<p>"Still, it might have occurred to me that I am not… the most open with my feelings."</p>
<p>"No, really?" Buck teased. "It's not like pulling teeth at all."</p>
<p>Eddie pursed his lips, trying not to smile. "If there's one thing I can take away from this it's that with you, I'm going to be honest. So… the truth is that I don't know how to do this – be in a relationship with someone that's not… hard. Does that make sense?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, it does."</p>
<p>"With Shannon, it was exhausting and I kept doing the wrong thing, over and over. I don't want that for us."</p>
<p>"It's different now," Buck pointed out. "You're… happier. Right?"</p>
<p>"Right." Eddie smiled at him, starting to feel a little weary. "You make me happy."</p>
<p>"You make <em>me</em> happy.”</p>
<p>"I just want to be with you, Buck… just you and me."</p>
<p>"Well, buddy, I've got news for you," Buck said lightly, but his eyes were full of tears. "We are together. I've told everyone, including your parents. Sorry about that."</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter."</p>
<p>"Does, though. A bit." Buck sat up and took his hand, threading their fingers together. "Look – let's get you back to full health again and go from there, but… you've got me, Eds. You've had me all along. I'm yours."</p>
<p>"And now you're moved in." Eddie closed his eyes briefly. "Do me a favour, would you? Before I get home… can you completely change the bedroom? New bed, new curtains, new… everything. Paint it, everything. Please. Whatever colour you want."</p>
<p>"Okay. I can do that. Anything else?"</p>
<p>"The bathroom."</p>
<p>Buck grinned. "And the living room and kitchen?"</p>
<p>"Not yet. But maybe." Eddie gave him a long look. "I need it changed."</p>
<p>"I'll make it perfect for you."</p>
<p>"And you bring your stuff; you move in. Okay? Into my room."</p>
<p>"Well, again, I have good news—"</p>
<p>Eddie couldn't help but smile. "You've already moved in."</p>
<p>"Kinda." Buck kissed the back of his hand reverently and said, "I'll make the house perfect for you, Eds. Don't worry. I'm on it."</p>
<p>"Whatever Chris wants. Take him with you to pick out colours."</p>
<p>"Deal."</p>
<p>Eddie cupped his face and drew him in close. "Hey, just so you know… nothing happened. With… her."</p>
<p>Buck nodded. "Even if something did, it's not your fault."</p>
<p>"No, but like… I just need you to know so you're not wondering," he whispered, stroking his cheek. "She wasn't like that, anyway… it wasn't like that. Do you understand?"</p>
<p>"Yes, Eds." Buck leaned in and pressed his lips to his cheek in a lingering kiss. "I <em>love you.</em>"</p>
<p>"I love you too, Buck," he murmured. "So much."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>When Buck returned to Eddie's house in the evening, he found a crowd waiting for him. Chimney was still there, and Maddie as well, it seemed. Bobby and Athena's car was parked on the street behind Hen's car. "Looks like we're having a party," he said, helping Christopher out of Eddie's truck. "Come on, kiddo."</p>
<p>"We're still having pizza, right?" Christopher asked with concern.</p>
<p>"Definitely. I promised you pizza; we're having pizza." Buck led him up to the house and stepped inside.</p>
<p>"Buckaroo!" Chimney greeted him, holding up an iPad. "Let me walk you through Eddie's brand new security system."</p>
<p>"How mad is he going to be?" Buck asked him, helping Christopher out of his jacket and hanging it on the hooks near the door. "Go on, bud. I'll order pizza in a minute."</p>
<p>"Hey Christopher," Hen said, appearing from the kitchen. "Come with me, I've got a surprise for you."</p>
<p>Buck went over to Chimney, as everyone else filed out from the kitchen. Maddie handed him a beer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You'll like it," she said to him. "It's better than the one Chim put in at my old place."</p>
<p>"Yeah, this is awesome," Chimney said, cracking his gum. "Security cameras around the perimeter, all controlled with this iPad here, and an alarm system that sends alerts to your phone and to the security company if it detects a break-in. Also – new deadbolt locks on all the doors; new locks on the windows and I even fixed up that wonky back step of Eddie's, because I tripped and nearly broke my neck. He can thank me later."</p>
<p>Buck watched his demonstration and had a play around as well. Hen returned with Christopher, who was happily munching on a cookie. Buck said, "Are we having pizza or cookies, bud? And where's mine?"</p>
<p>Christopher laughed at him. "Sorry, Buck."</p>
<p>"That's okay. How about you go wash up and get into your PJ's? By the time you finish, the food will be here."</p>
<p>"Okay!" Christopher agreed.</p>
<p>Once they were alone, Athena said, "I've got some news for you."</p>
<p>"Let's hear it," he replied, taking a seat beside Chimney on the couch. Hen sat on his other side, Maddie in the armchair, and Bobby and Athena stood side-by-side in the middle of the room.</p>
<p>"They found her car abandoned in Vegas," she said. "Some of Eddie's belongings were inside – his phone, wallet, watch – things like that. They think she's still holed up in Vegas somewhere – they're confident that they're close to making an arrest."</p>
<p>Buck had little confidence, but he nodded. "Okay, that's good. Will Eddie get his stuff back?"</p>
<p>"It's all evidence at the moment, Buckaroo, but eventually he will. The Feds want to speak to him, but they realise he's still unwell and it can wait until he's better. Did he say much to you today?"</p>
<p>"A bit," he replied. "He told me some of it. She didn't hurt him. He said she just talked to him a lot. He wasn't sure why she let him go, but he thought it was because he was sick anyway."</p>
<p>"Well, hopefully we'll have an arrest shortly. I'm sure Eddie will feel a lot better if she's behind bars," Bobby said. "What did the doctor say?"</p>
<p>"Well, he's on a massive dose of antibiotics but he's responding well. He looked a lot better today than he did yesterday, he's drinking and even ate some dinner tonight. He didn't want too many visitors today but you guys can all see him tomorrow. They think he'll be in hospital for at least a week, and then… off work indefinitely. He's going to be on antibiotics for a while yet. He wants me to do some more stuff around the house before he gets back, so… I'm cashing in some of my leave, Cap. I'll be off for a while."</p>
<p>"And you're just living here now," Maddie said to him. "You guys are moving in?"</p>
<p>"Until he's better, yeah, and then I'll look at getting my own place again." He looked around at them and said awkwardly, "But uh… it's serious, with us. I don't know what that means for work or whatever, but… Eddie and I… it's the real deal."</p>
<p>"We'll figure it out when Eddie comes back to work," Bobby said reassuringly. "For now, everyone is relieved that he's okay, and that this ordeal is over."</p>
<p>"Honestly, I'm more worried about what stuff Eddie wants you to do around the house," Chimney said, looking around curiously. "And how much time am I going to have to set aside to help you?"</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Eddie was released from hospital eight days later, and a joyful Buck and Christopher drove him home, to where his friends and family were waiting for him. He was feeling a lot better, though he'd lost weight and muscle definition. Buck still insisted on rushing around the car to open the door for him as though he was some kind of wilting flower.</p>
<p>"I'm okay," Eddie insisted, sliding out of the car and waving him away. "Just because you got to push me out of the hospital in a wheelchair doesn't mean I still need one to get around."</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Buck replied, and helped Christopher out of the car instead.</p>
<p>"Eddito," Abuela greeted him on the porch, gently tugging him down so she could kiss his cheeks. "You're looking much better today. We're having a little party for you."</p>
<p>"You didn't have to go to any trouble," he said, brushing his lips against her cheek. "I'm okay."</p>
<p>He was okay – just <em>okay.</em> Still tired most of the time, and a lot weaker than he was used to feeling, but definitely on the upswing. He was still on a heavy dose of antibiotics and would be for a while, but he was breathing a lot easier. Buck had filled his prescriptions for him so he now had two brand new asthma inhalers, which he would hopefully only need to use in the short term.</p>
<p>He made his way into the house, greeting everyone, a little overwhelmed. He'd had a steady trickle of visitors most days, and Christopher in the afternoons after school, but to have everyone over all at once was a little daunting. He'd seen and spoken to his parents, but they'd returned to El Paso, things still mostly unresolved between them. It was looking unlikely that they would ever be able to have an amicable relationship again.</p>
<p>The house was not as he'd left it. The living room, kitchen and entryway had all been repainted. Eddie had also whispered to Buck one day that he wanted a new couch as well, so there was a brand new sofa in the living room, soft and comfortable. He would have to repay Buck at some point, and he'd asked him about money, but Buck had just rolled his eyes and told him not to worry about it.</p>
<p>Chimney spent some time showing off his new security system, and the smart home system he'd installed, which controlled the lights, thermostat, music, television and almost everything else. Buck's idea, Chimney said, and Eddie rolled his eyes <em>again</em>, because of course it was.</p>
<p>His guests trickled out, one by one. Abuela was the last to leave, Pepa practically dragging her out the door, and once they were alone, he said to Buck, "Lock us in."</p>
<p>Buck grinned at him, opened the app on the iPad and did just that.</p>
<p>"Show me the bedroom," Eddie said, rising from his spot on the couch. "You two have been very tight-lipped about it."</p>
<p>Buck held out his hand and Eddie took it, following him down the hallway, Christopher trailing behind. Buck pushed open the bedroom door and let Eddie step inside – the plain cream walls were no more, replaced with a soft, pale blue – not pastel, almost white with a blue tinge. Brand new framed photographs hung over the dresser, and a mirror was mounted on the wall as well. His old bed was gone, and in its place was a brand new queen-sized bed with a mahogany frame, matching bed tables and dresser. Buck had replaced all of his bedding, and instead of stripes he now had spots, as well as a familiar fluffy purple blanket draped over the foot of the bed.</p>
<p>He turned to Buck gratefully, tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>Buck said, "You haven't seen the best part," and motioned for him to follow them to the bathroom.</p>
<p>Gone was his crappy shower stall, and in its place were new light brown tiles and a glass shower screen. The shower itself was longer and easier for Christopher to get into with new grab rails on the wall. They'd even replaced the shower head and the sink. The room was repainted a fresh white, and three blue towels hung on the rack near the door.</p>
<p>"You like it?" Buck asked quietly.</p>
<p>He nodded, swallowing hard. "Thank you. How did you do this in a week?"</p>
<p>"Chim put me onto a builder, tiler, plumber and painter, and I paid them a lot of money. They finished last night. Chris picked out the tiles and the paint," he said, as Christopher smiled up at him proudly.</p>
<p>"You did a great job," Eddie said to him earnestly. "Thank you guys so much."</p>
<p>"You're welcome, Daddy," Christopher said, and laughed when Eddie bent down to hug him. "Just don't go away again, all right?"</p>
<p>"No, never," he promised. "I never will."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>Christopher's room had been redone as well. He'd picked out a darker shade of blue paint for his walls, and four new framed posters were on display – dinosaurs, the solar system, the moon and one of a ship, which Eddie studied in confusion. Buck said from the doorway, "We might've read about the Titanic while you were away, and he might be slightly obsessed with it. I went to the museum to get those posters for him."</p>
<p>"Do you want me to show you the book Buck got me?" Christopher asked him, already in bed, looking up at him hopefully.</p>
<p>"Yes, please," Eddie replied, and shuffled over to join him. Christopher held up the covers and he slid in beside him, tucking a pillow under his head. "What have we got?"</p>
<p>"Buck and I watched a documentary on the Discovery Channel," Christopher began quietly, "all about the Titanic. Do you know about it?"</p>
<p>"I've seen the movie."</p>
<p>"Buck said that I can't watch the movie yet."</p>
<p>Eddie glanced over at Buck, leaning in the doorway, and raised his eyebrows. Buck motioned over his chest as if to say, '<em>boobs</em>,' and he grinned, recalling the scene. "Maybe when you're ten, buddy."</p>
<p>"Okay," he agreed easily. "Anyway, Dad, the ship sank with all these people on board, right? And then they found the ship, so this book has pictures of the shipwreck – do you want to see?"</p>
<p>"Yes I do," Eddie replied, resting his chin atop Christopher's head. He looked over at Buck again, smiling contentedly, and Buck blew him a kiss before leaving them alone.</p>
<p>He listened as Christopher went through the book with him, pointing out the pictures and reading out the information. He could understand why Buck and Christopher had fallen down the rabbit hole with this, and said, "Okay buddy, we'll watch the movie on the weekend, all right?"</p>
<p>"Really?" Christopher's eyes lit up.</p>
<p>"Yeah, you'll like it." They were just boobs, it wasn't a full on sex scene – oh wait, there <em>was</em> a sex scene. Eddie pondered that, wondering if he could fast forward that scene, and then realised that Christopher was growing up and he probably shouldn't censor the things he watched. If he had questions, he'd make Buck explain it.</p>
<p>"It's late, and you've got school tomorrow," he said, glancing at the clock beside the bed. "Let's get you tucked in."</p>
<p>"Dad, wait," Christopher said quietly, turning so he was looking up at him. "Buck said that you didn't have a choice when you went away, but… I don't understand why you left."</p>
<p>He swallowed hard, running his fingers through his hair. "Buck was just trying to be strong for you."</p>
<p>"What happened? No one would tell me and I asked <em>everyone.</em>"</p>
<p>Eddie was silent for a moment, trying to think of the best way to phrase it that wouldn't terrify his son. He finally said, "There's a reason that Buck has gone to all this trouble to put in a security system and to make sure we're safe. There was a lady who was obsessed with me, and she forced me to go away with her."</p>
<p>"How did she force you?"</p>
<p>"She… gave me a drug to put me to sleep, and when I woke up, I was a long way away from here."</p>
<p>Christopher said quietly, "She kidnapped you."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but… here's the thing. She's gone now, and she's not coming back, and I'm okay," he said firmly, cupping Christopher's cheeks. "I was really sick, but I'm better now. I don't want you to worry that this is going to happen again, because it's not. We're not in any danger."</p>
<p>"Because Buck's here now?"</p>
<p>"That, and the new security system that Chimney put in." Eddie kissed his forehead and hugged him close. "I promise you that I'm not going anywhere, ever again. We're both safe and sound. Nothing will happen to us, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay. Are you going to sleep in here or in your bed? Buck's been sleeping on my floor."</p>
<p>"He has?"</p>
<p>Christopher nodded. "He says he feels better when I'm around."</p>
<p>"Well, he's a real scaredy-cat. But I was going to sleep in my bed, if that's okay. Do you want to sleep in there with me?"</p>
<p>"No, I can stay in here," Christopher replied, and then leaned in close to whisper, "Buck snores."</p>
<p>Eddie snorted. "Yeah, he does."</p>
<p>"You love him though, don't you Dad?"</p>
<p>"So much, buddy. I love him so much."</p>
<p>"Me too. And I love you." Christopher hugged him tightly.</p>
<p>"I love you too."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Once Christopher was asleep, Eddie left the room and wandered out to the lounge, where Buck was curled up on the couch, watching TV. Eddie sat down beside him and turned so he was lying down with his head in Buck's lap, arms folded across his chest.</p>
<p>Buck flicked off the TV and ran his fingers through his hair. "Hi."</p>
<p>"Hey."</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>"Tired," he admitted.</p>
<p>"How's your breathing?"</p>
<p>"It's not too bad. I'll use the inhaler before we go to bed." Eddie closed his eyes, goosebumps rippling across his skin as Buck's fingers cast through his hair.</p>
<p>"Bobby mentioned that he's spoken to Frank, and he's made some time for you to come in and see him next week, if you're up to it."</p>
<p>He really didn't want to think about therapy <em>yet</em>, not when he'd hardly had a chance to process any of it himself. He said quietly, "I need a bit of time, first."</p>
<p>"Understandable."</p>
<p>"I just want to be here with you and Chris, just… on our own, for a bit. Is that okay?"</p>
<p>"Totally fine with me."</p>
<p>"How long are you taking off work?"</p>
<p>Buck let out a low rumble of laughter. "Uh, well, I've pretty much told Bobby that… I'm on leave, until you're well again."</p>
<p>Eddie opened his eyes, making a face. "I think you should probably go back—"</p>
<p>"Eds, I'm staying with you, all right? No arguments." Buck smoothed the frown away from his face with his hand, and resumed running his fingers through his hair. "You need a haircut."</p>
<p>"Mmm, I know. Hey, how much do I owe you for all the work and furniture and everything?"</p>
<p>"Nothing."</p>
<p>"<em>Buck.</em>"</p>
<p>"I called in some favours; don't worry about it."</p>
<p>He groaned, moving to sit up, but gave up when Buck gently held him down. "What did you do?"</p>
<p>"I called my parents and asked for money." Buck ran his thumb over Eddie's eyebrows. "Begged for money, actually."</p>
<p>Eddie only had the vaguest knowledge of Buck's relationship with his parents, but from what he understood, Buck would have had to swallow his pride to even make the phone call. He said, "What did you tell them?"</p>
<p>Buck was silent for a moment, and when Eddie looked up at him, he had a dark look on his face. "Well, I said that I was in love with you, and you were in hospital, and I needed money for your care."</p>
<p>"Did you tell them I was a woman?"</p>
<p>"No, I was honest with them. It's never been about that." Buck met his eyes briefly. "I explained everything and they sent me the money."</p>
<p>"And what did they want in return?"</p>
<p>"I have to go back to Philly at Christmas to see them and my extended family, for at least a week." Buck shrugged. "It is what it is."</p>
<p>"Can you just tell me why you don't have anything to do with them?"</p>
<p>"Do we really have to get into this now, on your first night home?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, we do." Eddie pulled himself up, but chuckled when Buck pulled him in close again, wrapping his arm around his chest. Eddie leaned against him comfortably, his head on Buck's shoulder, legs stretched out on the couch. "Tell me."</p>
<p>Buck was silent for a few long moments, before finally murmuring, "You told me once that you never felt like you were good enough for your parents; that you could never meet their expectations. Right?"</p>
<p>"Right."</p>
<p>"Same thing, only… slightly different. I think the term is like, helicopter parents? They rode my ass all through school," he said quietly. "They were harder on me than Maddie, I don't know why."</p>
<p>"Because you were a boy, probably."</p>
<p>"Maybe. Anyway, I had to get good grades – great grades, actually – had to all these extra-curricular activities, had to be a high achiever, a leader…" he trailed off. "I burnt out in college. Dropped out. Went to South America. Fucked around, a lot. Took drugs, partied… lost my mind for a bit, got it back and now I'm here, with you."</p>
<p>"Thank god for that."</p>
<p>"Yeah." Buck kissed his cheek, nuzzling his face with his nose. "Thank god for you, Eddie. Thank god you're okay. Thank god I found you. I love you so much."</p>
<p>"I love you too," he said quietly. "Can I tell you something?"</p>
<p>"Anything."</p>
<p>"I told her I was impotent."</p>
<p>Buck pulled away from him, arching his eyebrows. "You what?"</p>
<p>Eddie shrugged. "I thought she was going to try to have sex, so… it was the first thing I thought of to say."</p>
<p>"She didn't know that you and I have had sex, a lot?"</p>
<p>"I told her that you topped, and that you loved me regardless." Eddie met his eyes and said, "Would you love me if we couldn't have sex?"</p>
<p>Buck smiled at him. "I'd love you no matter what."</p>
<p>"Well, it was a real dealbreaker for her."</p>
<p>"Maybe that's one of the reasons she let you go."</p>
<p>"Yeah, maybe." He settled back against Buck's solid warmth, letting out a sigh. "I kinda felt sorry for her."</p>
<p>"Eddie, she's a serial killer."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I know, but… I don't think I've ever met anyone so sad in my whole life."</p>
<p>"This isn't Stockholm Syndrome, is it?" Buck asked suspiciously.</p>
<p>He laughed. "No. Honestly, I was unconscious for most of it."</p>
<p>Buck hugged him a little tighter. "I don't know why that comforts me, but it does."</p>
<p>"I don't think she did anything to me, I mean… she was pretty grossed out by me when I was sick. She didn't want to touch me or come near me."</p>
<p>"Good." Buck kissed his cheek again. "You think they'll catch her?"</p>
<p>"Honestly, I have no idea," he replied. "I don't think we'll see her again, but… who knows?"</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>In the weeks that followed, Eddie slowly returned to full health. By his third week home he had resumed light work-outs again, and even managed to jog around the block without dying from lack of oxygen. Buck was back at work, but Eddie would have to be medically cleared again, and he spent most days trying to build up his strength.</p>
<p>It was a Friday night when Buck arrived home, earlier than usual. Eddie heard his car door slam from outside, and went out to the living room to wait for him. Christopher was at a sleepover, and he had planned to have dinner ready by the time Buck finished work, but Buck was early. Something was wrong.</p>
<p>"What is it?" he asked when Buck stomped in the front door.</p>
<p>Buck jerked with surprise, glancing over at him. "What's what?"</p>
<p>"Is there news? Is that why you're pissed off?"</p>
<p>He softened, and shook his head. "No, sorry. No, there's no news. I saw Athena today and she said the Feds aren't any closer to tracking her down. It's not that, anyway."</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Eddie asked with concern. Buck shrugged out of his jacket, and that was when Eddie realised that his left arm was bandaged up. "What the hell is that?"</p>
<p>"It's rope burn," he replied, kicking off his shoes. "I had a fall today."</p>
<p>Eddie stepped over to him, concerned, resting both hands on his shoulders. "What happened?"</p>
<p>"I had to rappel down a cliff and Davies was running the winch," he said, "and he lost control of it. I fell about fifteen feet – ended up wrapping the rope around my arm to try to stop myself. I've got a massive bruise on my back. Cap was… really pissed off," he said, and let out a chuckle. "Like, super pissed off."</p>
<p>"Let me see," Eddie said, tugging at his shirt. "Nothing broken?"</p>
<p>"No, just bruised. I'm all right. What's for dinner?"</p>
<p>Eddie narrowed his eyes at him. "Buck, Christopher isn't here… take your shirt off."</p>
<p>Buck arched his eyebrows hopefully. "Where is he?"</p>
<p>"He's at a sleepover." Eddie lifted his shoulders in a shrug and said, "I thought… we needed a night alone."</p>
<p>They hadn't had sex or done anything sexual at all since he'd been home – not that he hadn't wanted to, but it was more that… Christopher was there, and Buck was extra tentative with him. He wanted to go back to the way things were before, when he and Buck were all over each other, but now… Buck was hurt, and he wouldn't take his shirt off.</p>
<p>So Eddie pulled it off for him, letting it fall to the floor, and turned Buck around to examine him. There was definitely going to be a bruise across the right side of his back, from his hip almost to his shoulder. Eddie hissed – if he'd been there, this wouldn't have happened.</p>
<p>"I need to get back to work," he said decisively. "Don't let him run the winch for you again."</p>
<p>Buck chuckled. "He's still learning."</p>
<p>"Yeah, that's the problem – he's still learning but you end up hurt. Come on, I think we need to ice this. Did Hen check you over? No broken bones?"</p>
<p>"Eds, I'm fine," Buck said, but allowed Eddie to drag him into the kitchen. "What's for dinner?"</p>
<p>"Abuela's famous pozole," he replied, gesturing to the pot on the stove. "Well… I hope. It's nearly ready."</p>
<p>Buck sniffed the air appreciatively, but groaned when Eddie turned him around again and examined his back. "I'm <em>fine</em>. Honestly."</p>
<p>"Which part did you hit the hardest?"</p>
<p>He sighed. "My shoulder."</p>
<p>"Sit." Eddie went to the freezer and retrieved an ice-pack. He wrapped it up in a dish towel and then applied it to Buck's shoulder, holding it in place. Buck's head dropped forward, and he let out a breath as Eddie stroked a finger down the back of his neck. "This has ruined my plans," he murmured. "I was going to feed you and then…"</p>
<p>"Fuck me, I hope," Buck murmured.</p>
<p>"Yeah, that."</p>
<p>Buck turned his head to the side, grinning. "How long have you been planning this?"</p>
<p>"All week." Eddie tapped his arm, indicating for Buck to hold the ice pack in place, and went to check their food. "I get the feeling you're a little hard-up."</p>
<p>Buck snorted. "A little? You had your shirt off this morning and I thought I was going to die."</p>
<p>Eddie flashed him a grin. "You know, you've been really delicate… you don't have to be."</p>
<p>Buck nodded. "I just… you went through trauma, and I'm not going to put any pressure on you or anything like that, you know? Like… I'm happy just to be here with you."</p>
<p>Eddie wanted to say that he'd been unconscious for most of it, and that she hadn't actually <em>hurt him</em> physically, but in one of his sessions with Frank it had been pointed out that he had a tendency to downplay it. So he said gently, "That's why I love you."</p>
<p>Buck smiled up at him, but then quickly became serious again. "And listen, I'm on the hunt for a new apartment, okay? This is temporary; I haven't moved in—"</p>
<p>"Yes, you have," he replied matter-of-factly, turning the heat down on the stove and returning to Buck's side, lifting the ice pack to examine his shoulder. "You're not going anywhere."</p>
<p>"Eds, we agreed—"</p>
<p>"Things have changed. What, you're going to move out, buy all new furniture, a whole new bed and everything, for… a couple of months until you move back in again? No, you're staying here."</p>
<p>Buck looked up at him uncertainly. "Are you sure?"</p>
<p>"Yes," he replied, running his thumb over Buck's birthmark. "This is your home."</p>
<p>He broke into a huge smile, colour flooding his cheeks. Looking a little misty-eyed he ducked his head, nodding. "Okay."</p>
<p>Eddie examined his bruise again, ghosting his fingers over it. "I'll be back at work in a few weeks," he said determinedly, "and you and I will be back to full strength."</p>
<p>"Thank god. I'm really fucking sick of carrying all the weight around that place."</p>
<p>He laughed. "Don't let Hen and Chim hear you say that."</p>
<p>~</p>
<p>If Buck was in any kind of pain he didn't show it – they'd barely finished dinner when he was all over Eddie, pushing him up against the wall, kissing him eagerly. Eddie's vague plan to watch a movie after dinner was thrown out the window when Buck began to strip him out of his clothes in the kitchen, running his hands over his skin.</p>
<p>He'd been doing that a lot lately – lifting up Eddie's shirt just to touch him, soft fingers on warm skin.</p>
<p>They ended up in the hallway, Buck on his knees, his hands on Eddie's hips, giving him the slowest, most exquisite blow job of his life. Buck's eyes were trained on his, gazing up at him adoringly, and Eddie put his hands over his head, palms on the wall, and let out a breath.</p>
<p>And then they were in the bedroom, and he was on his back with Buck on top of him, staring at each other – he wanted <em>it</em>, but didn't know how to ask, didn't know if he should, and then Buck murmured in his ear, "Can I take care of you tonight, Eds?"</p>
<p>He nodded, pushing both hands through Buck's hair, licking his lips. He wanted to tell Buck not to treat him like he was something fragile, easily broken – he wanted to tell him that they didn't have to go slow, that it could be like it was before. Buck leaned in and kissed him, smiling against his lips, and that was when he realised it was okay for things to change. There was no need for frantic, desperate sex anymore – they were together, in love, and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.</p>
<p>And Buck wanted to take care of him, so he did, and Eddie was practically begging for it by the time he <em>finally</em> pushed inside – Buck adjusted himself, found his rhythm and then leaned over Eddie so they could gaze into each other's eyes and kiss sweetly. He'd never had anyone <em>make love</em> to him before, not like this, not ever – and it felt like sparks were exploding out of every nerve ending.</p>
<p>He was safe, home, exactly where he was supposed to be, and although he was sure she was still out there somewhere, he wasn't afraid of her. He had everything he needed to survive.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you're wondering where <i>she</i> is, all will be revealed in the last chapter. 😉</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Hello, you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I </em>
  <em>probably should've killed you. I mean, I've made some mistakes – god knows I've made some mistakes – but letting you go was probably the dumbest thing I could've done.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Anyway, you were so out of it that you probably don't remember a lot of the things I told you, right? Sure.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I made it all the way to Kansas when I found that picture of you – the one from Buck's apartment. It's been just over a year since I let you go, back into his arms, and then I found that picture tucked into my diary and I thought, jeez, I wonder what those two guys are up to.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So I looked Buck up, and all of his social media accounts are deleted – except for Instagram, which is locked up. Huh.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And your family as well, they're all locked now too – everyone's shut me out. Rude.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I just want to know how you are! Are you well? Back on your feet, back at work? Maybe I should check in on you! Surely enough time has passed that they've given up on me? They're not going to expect me to come back to LA, for sure.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I've finished with Aaron anyway – he's not the man I thought he was – so I hit the road with a song in my heart, thinking of you and our missed opportunity. Are you and Buck are still together? Did you miss me?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I roll into town on a Saturday morning and drive right to your house – you still live there! Your car is parked in the driveway, and Buck's Jeep is parked on the street. You've changed the landscaping – there used to be bushes along your front fence, but they've been replaced with small shrubs. The tree alongside your house where I used to hide has been cut back as well.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And then you appear, holding the door open for your son and then for Buck, who comes loping out with a grin on his face. He's got a bag slung over his back and beach clothes on – you three are going to the beach; I think I might come along as well.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You pile into Buck's Jeep – I follow you north along the coast, and you pull into one of the sheltered coves. There are plenty of people around, so nobody notices me as I take a seat on the sand and watch you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Eddie, you look fantastic – fit and healthy. You've got a new tattoo on your arm, I notice – and… is that… a wedding ring? You're married?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh my god. You married <span class="u">Buck</span>.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I mean, I feel like I should be hurt? But mostly I'm just surprised. I thought you would've dumped him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You three never leave each other's sides – if one of you is going somewhere, the other two come with. Buck's eyes are on you at all times and yours are on him – you're constantly kissing and touching, holding hands, hugging. Your son is older now, and he's more interested in reading his book than he is in watching you and Buck throw a football to each other.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're so happy, Eddie. So goddamn happy. You and Buck look like teenagers in love.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I wanted that with you! It's not fair.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie was in the kitchen when Buck returned home from work, calling out to him. "Hey babe," he called back. "Just making dinner." He heard Buck throw his keys in the bowl near the door, and then strong arms were embracing him from behind, and Buck's lips were on his neck.</p>
<p>"Hey," Buck said in his ear. "What are you making?"</p>
<p>"A dish that requires a lot of skill and finesse."</p>
<p>"Nachos," Buck guessed.</p>
<p>"Correct." Eddie turned around in Buck's arms and kissed him, sliding his hands up his broad shoulders. Buck hummed against his lips – he smelled great, freshly showered, and Eddie sank into the warmth of his embrace.</p>
<p>"Gross," Christopher remarked from behind them, and they broke apart with a laugh.</p>
<p>Eddie admonished him with a look and patted Buck on the back. "Dinner will be ready soon."</p>
<p>"I thought it was my night to cook," Buck said, taking a seat at the kitchen table beside Christopher, who passed over one of his schoolbooks for Buck to examine.</p>
<p>"You worked a double; I thought I'd handle it for you," he replied, leaning over the stove. "Besides, it's your favourite."</p>
<p>"You made the guac from scratch?"</p>
<p>"Sure did. Hey, a letter came for you. I put it on the table there. The blue envelope." Eddie glanced over as Buck reached for the envelope, tearing it open, his platinum wedding band catching the light briefly.</p>
<p>They'd only been married for a month – Buck had proposed after they'd been together for a year, and they'd swiftly made it official. They had a small ceremony followed by a party at Bobby and Athena's, and a brief honeymoon in Mexico. Buck was picking up some extra shifts, saving some money for their next adventure – New Zealand, for three weeks at the end of the year.</p>
<p>Their wedding photo was hanging on the wall in the living room – both in dark suits, with matching red roses on their lapels, Christopher between them with a huge smile on his face.</p>
<p>Buck was strangely quiet, so Eddie gave him a quick look. "Everything okay, babe?"</p>
<p>"Uh…" Buck shoved something back in the envelope and stood abruptly. "No."</p>
<p>"No?" Eddie turned around, concerned. "What's up?"</p>
<p>"I have to call Athena."</p>
<p>"Athena?" he asked, puzzled, but Buck was already hurrying out of the kitchen and down the hall. Eddie heard the bedroom door close and gave Christopher a confused look. "What was it?"</p>
<p>Christopher looked up from his homework and said, "It looked like a picture of you."</p>
<p>A picture – <em>oh.</em> Eddie turned the heat down on the stove and followed Buck down the hall, his heart pounding. He opened the door and heard Buck say, "Yeah, it was in my apartment, next to my bed. It's from <em>her.</em>" Buck looked over at him, his eyes wide with shock and fear. "I touched the envelope and the picture. I mean, you already know who she is, what difference does it make?"</p>
<p>Eddie held his hand out, and Buck passed the envelope to him with shaking fingers. He opened it and found a shirtless picture of himself, one Buck had taken nearly two years ago, when they were at the beach. There was nothing written on the back, and no notes in the envelope, but Buck was clearly freaked out.</p>
<p>"Well maybe if you'd just fucking caught her—" Buck suddenly hissed, on the verge of tears. "No, no – you don't understand, okay? We're not going through this again. Put a police detail out the front of the house."</p>
<p>"Buck," Eddie said, but Buck gave him a stricken look.</p>
<p>"Athena, please. Please. I can't lose him, do you understand? I can't go through this again." A tear trickled down Buck's cheek, and he brushed it away unhappily. "<em>Please.</em>"</p>
<p>Eddie looked down at the picture again – it was taken before he and Buck even started sleeping together. Buck was nodding tearfully at whatever Athena was saying, and he finally said, "All right, yeah. Fine. Okay. Sorry." He paused, and then said, "Okay. Talk to you tomorrow," and hung up the phone.</p>
<p>"What the fuck is going on?"</p>
<p>Dismayed, Buck said, "That picture – I had that picture next to my bed, in my apartment, before it burned down. It went missing – I thought it had fallen under the bed. She stole it. She was in my apartment, Eddie, and she sent it back – and look, there's no postmark. She delivered it."</p>
<p>He turned the envelope over in his hands, trying to remain calm. "Okay. She's back."</p>
<p>"And you were here alone most of today." Buck pressed his hands to his head, clearly distressed. "I left you alone; I thought you were okay. I thought we were safe – that she wouldn't come back, and now she's back. She's going to do this again, I know it."</p>
<p>"Hey," Eddie said sharply, reaching out to steady him with both hands on his shoulders. "This place is more secure than Fort Knox. I always have it locked when I'm here alone; always. Listen to me – it's different now. She won't get the better of me this time, all right?"</p>
<p>"I'm freaking out!" Buck snapped at him. "I can't go through this again, not now, not… after everything, after… oh my god. What if she tries to kill me? What if she tries to hurt Christopher?"</p>
<p>"You think I'm not terrified as well?" Eddie demanded. "But we've done everything we can – baby, she's not getting in this house again. It's fortified. What did Athena say?"</p>
<p>He grimaced, shaking his head. "That she didn't want to put a police presence out the front of our house – if she's stalking you again, it's the easiest way for them to catch her. By using you as bait!"</p>
<p>Eddie sighed, sliding his hands down Buck's arms. "Okay. Listen – we want her caught, right?"</p>
<p>"Right."</p>
<p>"So if she is back, then… let the Feds catch her," he said. "She can't get in here."</p>
<p>"She could stick you with something again—"</p>
<p>"Not if you're with me," he pointed out. "Not if we're together, sweetheart. All right? Look, we have shifts together for the rest of this week. We'll be together 24/7, I promise."</p>
<p>Buck closed his eyes briefly. "When we got married, I didn't take the oath to protect you lightly, you know. If she shows her fucking face around here, I'll kill her. I swear to god, Eddie."</p>
<p>Buck's love for Eddie and Christopher was fierce and unwavering, but it was an empty threat – Buck wasn't capable of killing anyone; they both knew that. Eddie rubbed his arms briskly and said, "You won't have to protect us. Nothing is going to happen, Mr Diaz. I swear."</p>
<p>The glimmer of a smile flashed across Buck's face. He pulled Eddie in for a crushing kiss, lifting him up into his arms the way he always did when he was full of passion and fire. Eddie had long given up protesting about it and simply let himself be held in Buck's strong, unwavering embrace.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You're… never alone anymore. Ever.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He's with you all the time – at work, at home… everywhere.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I see that you have a brand new security system, far more advanced than the last time I was here. You have the place well secured. Smart, that's very smart.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I should give up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I watch you with him; watch the way he smiles at you and touches you. The way you laugh together. I watched him wipe the soot from your face after a particularly nasty fire; I watched you pull him into a hug after a gruesome car accident. I see the way his arm slides around you when you're walking together; I see the way you run your fingers down his face when no one is looking, the way you linger on that awful birthmark of his.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I see you steal away together to kiss; I see the way you hold each other. I see him watch you when you walk away; I see you smiling at him when nobody else is looking.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And one day I saw you sneak away together, in his Jeep – I saw you pull into the parking structure. I watched you climb into the backseat with him; I saw him bend over you, I saw your hands in his hair, and I watched him climb on top of you and ride you until you both came, kissing frantically.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So you're not impotent, but I already figured that. Smart; sneaky.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I watch you afterwards, the way you cup his face with both hands and whisper things to him – I see the way he smiles at you, the way he licks his lips after you kiss him. You both jump into the front of the car and drive away again; a little mid-afternoon tryst that nobody needs to know about, but I see you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The three of you go to a party that night for the Asian firefighter and his wife. I watch you through the windows; I see you with a baby in your arms and Buck staring at you with a wistful smile on his face. He wants kids.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I watch you steal away with him for a moment, leaning up against the wall while he kisses you and whispers in your ear – I wonder what he says to you. Does he tell you that he loves you? Does he tell you how precious you are? You two only have eyes for each other.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I shouldn't have come back, but I'm so intrigued. I want to know more. I might want you back, Eddie – you are the one who got away, after all.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Agent Matthews was a tall, skinny man who chain-smoked, a lot. He wasn't dressed like a federal agent – no suits and ties for him; he was all jeans and button-ups. Smart, because he didn't look like a Fed. He looked like a teacher.</p>
<p>He sat down with Buck and Eddie at the firehouse with Athena and the rest of the team nearby and laid out what he knew – she was back in town. She was definitely stalking them again, this time from more of a distance. They weren't sure where she was staying – she had a knack for slipping a tail; if she even knew anyone was following her. She seemed to have figured out that there was a security system on the house, and she hadn't made any attempts to get inside.</p>
<p>They thought she was going to make another attempt on Eddie, and they wanted him to act as their bait so they could catch her.</p>
<p>Buck flatly refused, ignoring all arguments to the contrary, his arms folded across his chest. When Athena asked him <em>why, </em>frustrated, he said stubbornly, "Eddie's my husband, and he said that if I said no, he's not doing it. So I’m saying no."</p>
<p>Eddie didn't want to do it, so he was more than happy to let Buck take the heat – which he did, with that same firm expression on his face, unyielding.</p>
<p>Athena said gently, "I know you're both afraid—"</p>
<p>"Afraid? Afraid that I'll lose the love of my life? What makes you think that?" Buck asked sharply. "You were at our wedding. We made promises to each other."</p>
<p>"But we could catch her!" Agent Matthews snapped at him. "It's not your decision, Mr Buckley—"</p>
<p>"Mr Diaz," Buck corrected, holding up his left hand. "I took his last name."</p>
<p>"Actually, it is his decision," Eddie said quietly. "I told him it was his choice. Our answer is no."</p>
<p>Agent Matthews expelled a frustrated breath of air, folding his arms across his chest, shaking his head. "It's like you want her to get away."</p>
<p>"No, but you're making this harder than it needs to be," Eddie pointed out. "She's already been to the house. Just stake-out our house. Why do you need me to lay a trap for her? I'm literally the trap when I'm here, or at work – she's probably outside right now. Just turn up and arrest her, what's the big fucking deal?"</p>
<p>Agent Matthews exchanged a look with Athena, who arched her eyebrows at him. "That's kinda what I said to you yesterday," she pointed out.</p>
<p>"Yes, but—"</p>
<p>"So we'll set up some undercover officers and patrol the street," she suggested, "and hopefully she'll just fall right into our laps."</p>
<p>Eddie thought that was too much to hope for, and from the look on Buck's face, he wasn't convinced either. When everyone had dispersed, Buck and Eddie wandered into the bunk rooms for some privacy, and Buck pulled Eddie down onto the bed with him.</p>
<p>"I'm worried about Christopher and Carla being there alone," Buck admitted. "But I'm not letting you out of my sight."</p>
<p>"I texted her – she knows to make sure the alarm is on." Eddie closed his eyes and let Buck hold him.</p>
<p>Sometimes Buck needed that – the reassurance that Eddie wasn't going anywhere; that it wouldn't happen again. It had been happening less frequently as time went on, but now that she was back, Buck was all over him, constantly. He didn't mind; it kept him grounded as well.</p>
<p>Buck's hands cast aimlessly down his back and over his shoulders; he pressed his lips against Eddie's cheek and murmured in his ear, "I love you."</p>
<p>Eddie smiled. "I love you too, sweetheart."</p>
<p>"I'm really fucking scared though."</p>
<p>"I know you are, and it's okay. I'm going to be fine – <em>we</em> are going to be fine," he said emphatically. "They're going to catch her. She's getting sloppier, don't you think? Leaving the envelope?"</p>
<p>"I don't know what her game is, but I think I should buy a gun."</p>
<p>"Oh god, Buck. No."</p>
<p>"I'm serious."</p>
<p>"No, you're absolutely not buying a gun," he said with disgust. "Don't even joke. We don't need a gun, Buck. You know how I feel about guns."</p>
<p>"Fine," Buck grumbled, burying his face in Eddie's shoulder.</p>
<p>"Sweetheart, come on. It's going to be okay. We know she's here this time."</p>
<p>"But how long has she been here? How long has she been watching us? The whole time?" Buck's voice seized with fear.</p>
<p>Eddie lifted his head, trying to meet his eyes. "You're panicking."</p>
<p>"And you're not?"</p>
<p>"No, because if she even thinks about coming anywhere near you or Christopher, I will take care of her myself," he said firmly. "Besides, Athena is going to handle it. You really think that she's going to get the best of <em>Athena?</em> I wouldn't want to cross her."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Buck was on edge when they arrived home, casting suspicious looks up and down the street. Eddie said to him, "Be cool," and he shot him an unhappy look, but tried to relax.</p>
<p>Inside, he drew the curtains, and protested when Eddie opened them again.</p>
<p>"She'll know something is up," Eddie said to him quietly. "I'll help Christopher with his homework while you start dinner, all right?"</p>
<p>Buck nodded, fiddling with the iPad controlling the security system. "I just need to check the history before I do anything."</p>
<p>"Nothing happened," Carla said to him reassuringly. "We've been home since four, and everything's been fine."</p>
<p>On edge, Buck scrolled through the footage taken around the house during the day. She was right – there was nothing unusual. The security system hadn't picked up anything, and the cameras were all clear. He thought for a moment, tapping his foot, and then took the iPad down into the bedroom and sat on the bed.</p>
<p>He was scrolling through older footage when Eddie came into the room, unbuttoning his shirt. "Carla just left," he said, taking his wedding ring from the holder on the dresser and slipping it onto his finger. "Got to do something about these rings. Maybe we just get tattoos?"</p>
<p>"Mmm, sounds good."</p>
<p>Eddie eyed him, and then said, "Maybe we get our dicks pierced as well?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, cool."</p>
<p>"Buck."</p>
<p>"I said cool." Buck searched through the footage from the last week and found what he was looking for. "Gotcha."</p>
<p>"What?" Eddie asked as he changed into his sweats.</p>
<p>"I found her putting the envelope into the letterbox."</p>
<p>"Save it; we'll show Athena."</p>
<p>Buck was already on it. He clipped the section of footage, which clearly showed her and possibly the car she was driving in the background – god, he'd only met her once but he <em>remembered her</em>, and she hadn't changed a bit – and sent it by email to Athena, resuming his search.</p>
<p>Eddie said, "What are you looking for?"</p>
<p>"Anything else."</p>
<p>"Babe—"</p>
<p>"No, if you're going to be cavalier about this, I'm not," he said sharply. "I'm doing this for you. You mean <em>everything</em> to me, and I'm not letting anything happen to you. It was the worst week of my life, Eddie."</p>
<p>"I didn't have that great of a time either, you know."</p>
<p>Buck scowled, his eyes trained on the iPad. "You need to get angrier about this."</p>
<p>Eddie pulled a shirt over his head and went to stand in front of Buck. He took the iPad out of his hands and placed it on the bed, and then gripped his shoulders with both hands, staring into his eyes intently. "I spent six months in therapy dealing with this shit. You think I'm not angry?"</p>
<p>"I don't know. You're just… sitting back, and letting me worry about this."</p>
<p>"If I get angry, it's going to stir you up more and neither of us needs that," he said gently. "We're in a locked house. There are plain clothed police officers patrolling our street. All three of us are safe and secure. She's not some bogeyman, going to burst inside in the middle of the night and slit our throats as we sleep. She's deranged, yes, and she's a serial killer, but she's not big about it, Buck. She's not showy. I'll tell you what I told the FBI – all she wants, all she's looking for, is the kind of love that you and I have, and every single man she meets lets her down."</p>
<p>"You're defending her—"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "I'm <em>not.</em> Listen to me – she told me about them, all the guys she killed – every single one of them treated her badly and dumped her. All of them. I'm not saying she didn't do anything to deserve it – Christ, Buck, she's <em>insane</em> – but still, all the guys she killed, in her twisted mind, she had a reason to take them out. I never gave her a reason, so she's back. And honestly, I thought this could happen."</p>
<p>"What do you mean you never gave her a reason?" Buck's voice was low.</p>
<p>"I never yelled at her or called her names; I never… took my anger out on her. Maybe it was because I was so sick; I don't know. But I listened to her when she talked, and… I don't know if that was the right thing to do but it's what I did." He slid his hands up to cup Buck's face, gazing down at him imploringly. "I don't think she's going to come in here and murder us all. I think she's probably planning to try to abduct me again, but… she's not going to get a chance this time, because you and I aren't going to be out of each other's sights. Deal?"</p>
<p>"You promise?"</p>
<p>"I promise, sweetheart," he said in a low voice. "I promise. Where you go, I go, and vice versa."</p>
<p>"Even to take the trash out?"</p>
<p>"Even to do that." Eddie smiled at him and said, "I love you, Evan."</p>
<p>Buck relaxed, closing his eyes briefly, and murmured, "I love you too, Edmundo."</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>It was while the three of them were on the couch together, watching a movie, that Buck had another idea. He stood up, ignoring their protests, and went back down to the bedroom to retrieve the iPad, taking it into the kitchen. The footage only backed up for a month, so the first thing he did was to make sure that the entire last month was saved, and then he began to trawl through it, looking for something, <em>anything</em>, that might help.</p>
<p>He made notes about the cars that appeared in the footage; the people walking past. He recognised their neighbours – others, he'd never seen before. He'd filled up a page in a notebook when Eddie startled him, sliding into the seat opposite him and giving him a long look.</p>
<p>"Are you going to come to bed? It's midnight."</p>
<p>"I'm kinda on a roll," he said apologetically. "Can I… keep going?"</p>
<p>Eddie frowned at him. "I'd rather you come to bed with me," he said pointedly, "and continue this in the morning. You need sleep."</p>
<p>"I know, I know, I just…" Buck trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. "I'm just in the middle of a day. I'll just finish this day, mark where I'm up to and then come to bed. Is that okay?"</p>
<p>Eddie pursed his lips. "All right," he agreed, "but I'm going to be <em>naked</em> and <em>waiting for you</em>, so you better fucking hurry up."</p>
<p>Well, that was an offer too good to refuse. He left the room, and Buck quickly began to jot down notes again – green Mazda at 12.30, old lady walking past at 2.30, old lady walking past the other way at 3.30 with a bag of groceries, real estate agent car across the street, their neighbour Jeff walking his dog at 4.15, real estate agent car driving away and the for rent sign on the house across the street missing, Jeff walking his dog back past, Jeff not picking up his dog's shit on the footpath right outside their house, Jeff coming back with a bag ten minutes later and picking up the shit, Jeff stopping to chat to Eddie for… half an hour, what the fuck was that about – oh, baseball, Buck decided, rolling his eyes – a red car pulling into the carport of the house across the street, and then nothing onwards.</p>
<p>He wrote it all down, marked his place and put the iPad onto charge.</p>
<p>When he entered the bedroom Eddie was sprawled out on the bed, facedown, on his phone, and he let out a playful squawk as Buck gave a firm smack to his perky rear-end.</p>
<p>"You look good enough to eat," he remarked, pulling his shirt over his head and kicking his sweats off, sliding onto the bed on top of Eddie, who spread his legs a bit. Buck's cock fit comfortably between his thighs, and he pressed open kisses to his shoulders and back.</p>
<p>"That's nice," Eddie murmured, setting his phone down on the bedside table. He arched his back, letting out a satisfied sigh as Buck's lips made their way to the back of his neck. "That's good."</p>
<p>"You feel good," Buck whispered, rolling his hips a bit, testing the waters.</p>
<p>"No, <em>you</em> feel good," Eddie corrected, turning his head to flash him a grin. "You done with all that now?"</p>
<p>"Mmm, for now." Buck ran his hands down Eddie's sides to his hips and lifted them up. Eddie exhaled slowly, resting his head on his hands. "You smell good. You used my body wash, didn't you?"</p>
<p>"I ran out of mine," Eddie murmured. "Yours was the next best thing."</p>
<p>"You smell nice and fresh."</p>
<p>"I always smell nice and fresh."</p>
<p>"Except when you've been sweating up a storm in the gym," Buck replied, pulling away from him, settling down onto his knees behind him. He squeezed his ass cheeks firmly and then spread them apart – Eddie sighed again, tilting his hips up towards him. When Buck's tongue flicked across his entrance he let out a low, guttural moan.</p>
<p>He loved to take Eddie apart, piece by piece – he didn't bottom often, but when he did it was special. Buck could make him come with only his tongue – could spend hours making Eddie fall apart by kissing and sucking every single inch of his body. But tonight he wanted more, wanted to slide into him and show him how much he loved him. His tongue was quickly replaced with his fingers, carefully working him open, adding more lube until he was satisfied that he wasn't going to hurt him.</p>
<p>And then he rolled Eddie onto his side, lifted his left leg up and guided his cock inside slowly. Eddie was silent, mostly, aside from the occasional soft moan or heavy exhale, but once Buck was buried to the hilt, he turned his head to the side and found Buck's lips in a messy kiss.</p>
<p>He could tell him over and over how much he loved him, how he would die for him in a heartbeat – how Eddie was his everything, his whole world, the sun, the stars and the moon – how he thought he'd known love before but it wasn't real until they were together.</p>
<p>How Eddie had made him a better person – more settled and sure of himself and his place in the world. He was a husband and father now; he was Mr Diaz – Evan Buckley Diaz, no hyphen, he didn't want the hyphen, he wanted their last name. He was a man with responsibilities and a family, and he was a man who would defend that family if he had to.</p>
<p>They'd been through enough, Eddie and Christopher, and if the FBI was so fucking useless that they couldn't catch her, then Buck would just damn well have to do it himself.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>You guys haven't left the house today.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Usually Buck heads out first thing in the morning and picks up breakfast for you, but not this Saturday – on this Saturday all three of you are inside together, at the dining table. I can't see what you're doing. Buck looks like he's on a computer, and you… oh, you're doing an assignment with your son.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So it's a different kind of Saturday, but that's all right. I can still see you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I was hoping to get you alone at some point, to talk, you know, maybe about us? To see how you're feeling about it. I know I left in a hurry, and thought maybe you'd die, but clearly you're alive and better than ever, and oh – oh my god, you and Buck are walking out of the house now, flirting with each other. My god, Eddie, it's 11am on a Saturday morning in your nice quiet neighbourhood, and you two look like you're about to fuck on the lawn.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You head around the side of the house together – to do what, I don't know, but then you return with a basket of… vegetables? You've got a vegetable garden around there? That's new.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Buck stays outside for a bit, watering the flowers near the patio. Someone calls out to him and he waves to them – one of your neighbours, that weird guy with the dog that shits everywhere.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And then he disappears back inside the house and that's the last I see of you both for today.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How easily you've settled into this life of married bliss; how domesticated you both are together.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We could've had that.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I honestly feel like I really should've killed Buck when I had the chance.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>While Buck was in the shower, Eddie sat at the table and flipped through his notebook, skimming through his notes. The comments about Jeff made him chuckle – they did have a bad habit of getting caught up talking about baseball – and he was about to close the book when something jumped out at him.</p>
<p>The house across the street had been rented a few weeks ago; he remembered the sign out the front. The two women who had lived there before had a baby – a couple of times Buck had jogged over there when they'd been carting in groceries to help them and to hold the baby. The man never met a baby he didn't fall in love with.</p>
<p>But Lydia and Dana had moved, promising to keep in touch with Buck, and now somebody else was living there, but it occurred to Eddie that he'd never sighted them. Not once.</p>
<p>It was her.</p>
<p>Fuck, it was <em>her.</em></p>
<p>He wanted to go into the bathroom and tell Buck – he wanted to, but there was always the chance that Buck would charge across the road and attempt a citizen's arrest, so instead he took his phone into the bedroom, pulled the door shut, and called Athena.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Buck finished in the shower and went out into the hall, his towel slung around his hips. Christopher was sprawled out on his bed, poring over his Titanic book again, and when he realised Buck was looking in at him he said, "Can we go to the museum again tomorrow? To see the exhibition?"</p>
<p>"Sure," Buck agreed. There was an exhibition in town of artefacts from the shipwreck itself, and they'd already been <em>three times</em>, much to Eddie's eternal dismay. He'd been even more distressed to find out they'd be going for a fourth time, but the deal was that they weren't to be out of each other's sight.</p>
<p>"That's what I want to do," Christopher said with satisfaction. "Explore shipwrecks."</p>
<p>"You can do whatever you want, buddy. Where's your dad?"</p>
<p>"He's in the bedroom talking on the phone."</p>
<p><em>Interesting</em>. Buck let himself into the bedroom just as Eddie was finishing the call, and raised his eyebrows at him. "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"Just chatting to my sister," Eddie <em>lied</em>, the fucking liar.</p>
<p>Buck closed the door, hitching up the towel on his hips, and asked pointedly, "Your sister. Which one?"</p>
<p>"Sophia."</p>
<p>"What about?"</p>
<p>"Christmas."</p>
<p>"Christmas, which is six months away."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well, last year we were supposed to go to El Paso but we had to go to Philly with you, and—"</p>
<p>"Lying liar," Buck accused. "Who were you talking to?"</p>
<p>Eddie scrunched his face up. "No one."</p>
<p>"Fucking tell me."</p>
<p>"No one!"</p>
<p>"Oh, so you're cheating, is that it?" Buck stomped over to the dresser, whipping his towel off, and relented when Eddie's arms encircled him from behind.</p>
<p>"No, never," he murmured, head-butting his back lightly. "You're my sweetheart."</p>
<p>"Then tell me who you were talking to."</p>
<p>Eddie groaned. "Athena," he muttered. "I had to call Athena."</p>
<p>"What's happened?" Buck whirled around, naked, ready to fight if he had to. "Go and get Christopher—"</p>
<p>"No, Buck," Eddie admonished with a chuckle, rubbing his shoulders. "Get dressed. I don't know if it's anything, but they're going to look into it, all right? So no freaking out."</p>
<p>"Freaking out, I am not freaking out – I am cool, calm and collected, I'll have you know. None of this has affected me."</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, not at all," Eddie replied sarcastically. "Not even a little bit. Come on, put your clothes on, sit down with me and you can decide if I'm insane or not."</p>
<p>He wasn't insane, that was the thing, and Buck was kicking himself for not picking up on it (well, he had been distracted). They looked through the footage together at the kitchen table, checking the time stamps – literally no one had been in or out of the house across the street since it had been tenanted. Deliveries were made, and the door was opened a crack and the food brought inside, but no one had set foot outside in the month it had been occupied. The car had left the carport, though, a couple of times, but it was impossible to tell who was driving.</p>
<p>Buck rubbed his face with both hands and said, "Yep."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"She's in there right now. Watching us."</p>
<p>"Most likely." Eddie rested his head on his hand, gazing at him unhappily. "Hey, I'm really sorry."</p>
<p>"What about?"</p>
<p>"For… maybe being a bit cavalier."</p>
<p>"A bit?" Buck replied smartly.</p>
<p>"Yeah, well. I don't want to go through this again and I figured denial was the easiest option." Eddie had a dark look on his face. "I just want this to be over."</p>
<p>"It will be. What did Athena say?"</p>
<p>"You already emailed her the footage, so their forensic teams are going through it as well. She couldn't tell me what they were thinking; she just said not to worry and to stay home. I hope… I hope there's a raid."</p>
<p>"That could be fun to watch," Buck remarked.</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't know what's going on and I can't stop pacing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You two have been inside all day <span class="u">again.</span></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You usually go out on Sundays! I don't know what's going on. Is one of you sick?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I can see Buck every so often, in the living room. I have a gun, maybe I could take a lucky shot? But I don't want to risk hitting you or your kid.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Eddie, what are you doing, I don't understand. Your routine has changed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And now it's growing dark and you still haven't been outside, I haven't been able to catch a glimpse of you at all today, and I'm slowly going insane.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe I could just… come over? And look through the window? Would you see me?</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>It was after eight when the silent alarm was triggered. Both Buck and Eddie's phones went off at the same time, and Christopher, sitting between them on the couch, sat up with surprise.</p>
<p>Eddie said quietly, "Side window." He didn't turn his head, but out of the corner of his eye he thought he could see a figure silhouetted in the darkness. He draped his arm around Christopher's shoulders and kept his eyes on the television.</p>
<p>"Yep." Buck pulled his phone out casually, and sent a text. To Athena, most likely, who was in an unmarked police car parked right outside their house. The woman must have walked right past it. Sloppy, Eddie thought. Very sloppy.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Christopher asked, confused. "What's wrong?"</p>
<p>Eddie leaned over and said, "Nothing, mijo – hey, I don't understand. Explain it to me again. Why in the movie do they show the ship breaking apart on the surface if it really broke apart under the water? That seems like a glaring mistake to me."</p>
<p>Christopher groaned dramatically. "Dad, I have explained this, five times—"</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <em>Nothing happened when I looked in your windows. You guys are watching a movie with your kid – I thought for sure you had a fancy alarm system? Nothing happened, which meant that I could've been looking through the window this whole damn time. Well, I won't make that mistake again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I watched you for a while; the way you and Buck exchange looks over your kid's head, the way Buck reaches out to touch you every so often.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And it just kills me because that could be us, you know?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's so unfair.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nothing happens when I sneak out of your yard and start cross the street again under cover of darkness – I'm home free, maybe I'll do this every night, maybe—</em>
</p>
<p>"Police! You're under arrest, Jennifer. Stop right there."</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>Fuck.</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>"Chris, can you go into your room?" Eddie said, pressing pause on the movie and steering Christopher away from the windows. He didn't want him to see the scene in the street – the flashing blue and red lights, the deranged woman standing in the middle of the road with her hands over her head and Athena with a gun pointed at her. "Go on, kiddo."</p>
<p>"Dad, is that the woman?" Christopher asked, as Eddie guided him down the hall to his bedroom. "She's back?"</p>
<p>"They've caught her; it's okay now. We're safe," he reminded him. "Just wait in here until we come back inside – I promise you, everything is okay."</p>
<p>Christopher nodded at him, smiling when Eddie kissed the top of his head.</p>
<p>Buck was waiting for him at the door. They left the house together – Eddie pausing to make sure the door was locked, the keys tucked into his pocket – and went to stand in the yard, watching silently as Athena read his stalker her rights. She was handcuffed, tears streaming down her face, lit up by the headlights of half a dozen police cars, all around.</p>
<p>Buck took Eddie's hand. "It's over," he said, and when Eddie looked at him, it was clear that a weight was lifted off his shoulders. "It's finally over."</p>
<p>She turned her head and saw them; her mouth opened, her eyes went wide and she made a move as if to lunge towards them, but Athena yanked her backwards by the cuffs, and she landed heavily on the pavement. "I didn't do anything wrong!" they heard her shriek. "You've got the wrong person! Eddie? Eddie! Help me! I love you!"</p>
<p>Eddie shuddered, pulling Buck back towards the house. Buck followed him inside, his hands on his shoulders, and once the doors were locked he pulled him in for a tight hug, burying his face in his shoulder.</p>
<p>"It's done," Eddie said quietly.</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<p>"You did it."</p>
<p>"You did it, actually." Buck kissed his cheek.</p>
<p>"We did it together. The FBI aren't worth shit," Eddie muttered.</p>
<p>Buck laughed loudly. "We should tell Athena that."</p>
<p>"Dad?" Christopher called from the bedroom, and they parted. "Is it safe?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, buddy," Eddie replied, hurrying down the hallway. "Everything's fine. We'll finish the movie in a bit, all right? We'll just wait for these police cars to leave."</p>
<p>Christopher came out of his bedroom and followed Eddie back out to the living room. He went straight over to the window to stand beside Buck, watching the police and FBI agents milling in the street. "Wow," he said.</p>
<p>"They don't mess around," Buck agreed, flashing a grin at Eddie. "Chim's going to be <em>pumped</em> that his security system saved the day."</p>
<p>"Let's not tell him."</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>
  <strong>Epilogue</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, everything is fucked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Here I am, in a courtroom, having to listen to a string of ugly people talk about all of the crimes I may or may not have committed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My lawyer looks like a girl I used to bully in high school, with her thick-rimmed glasses, frizzy, curly hair and a mole above her top lip that I swear to god has a hair growing out of it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They're trying to say that I killed three people in California, which is bullshit. I don't even remember how many it was.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They're pinning the fire on Buck's apartment on me as well – like, I'm sorry, but that was necessity – and also stalking and kidnapping charges, and a bunch of other bullshit that is tacked on for no damn good reason at all.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Honestly, I'm so fucking insulted, you would not even believe.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And, worst of all, I have not been able to have my hair done in months and my roots are growing out. This is not how I wanted to be portrayed on national television, I mean – it's ridiculous.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Apparently Texas wants to charge me with a bunch of stuff as well, like, for fuck's sake. It was just that one guy, I mean, come on. Nobody misses him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The one good thing about the trial is that you have to show up to give evidence, and I make myself look as nice as I possibly can (not that it's easy, what with this <span class="u">roots</span> situation). You haven't been there at all for my trial, which… like, honestly? I'm hurt.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And then you bring Buck with you, and your Captain, and all three of you are in your formal uniforms. You sit together on the prosecution side and I try to catch your eye, but Buck is blocking me with his body, his arm around your shoulders. He's still such a dickhead.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>They call your name and you stride up to the witness box. I sit up a bit straighter, trying to look cute for you, but you don't even look at me except to say that yes, I'm the woman who abducted you. And then you turn your eyes back to Buck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I am shocked at the things you're saying – I terrorised you? I stalked you? In what world, Eddie – we were falling in love, don't you remember? I helped you pick out a watch for Buck!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>My lawyer doesn't ask you many questions because your testimony is too fucking good. You're handsome, nice and a firefighter – seriously, who is the jury going to side with on this one? Not me!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You're unemotional and stick to the facts, you barely look in my direction and you answer all of their questions clearly and calmly. You are literally the most perfect witness the prosecution could ask for and they fucking know it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And then Buck gets up on the stand – your husband, ugh – and delivers another stunning testimony of his own, and all of those idiots on the jury are lapping it up.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm fucked.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You know what? We're so done this time. Unbelievable.</em>
</p>
<p>**</p>
<p>Eddie sat in the rocking chair with baby Maria in his arms, holding a bottle to her lips. Christopher was on the floor, working on his science homework, a scowl on his face. They were studying something to do with the periodic table – Eddie was not quite clear on that – and Christopher was finding it frustrating and boring.</p>
<p>He was twelve, about to finish out his second year of middle school. Middle school had been a bit of a struggle – there was a bullying incident with a kid in his class, but now everyone had been swapped around. Christopher had made a group of new friends in the last year, and was much happier.</p>
<p>They'd bought a new house once they knew for sure that the baby was on the way (they decided to go with surrogacy, and Eddie's sister, Adriana, donated her eggs for them to use). They weren't too far from Maddie and Chimney, just a block away, in a single-storey bungalow with a pool out the back. Buck swam laps in it every morning, even during winter.</p>
<p>Life was good. Buck was taking extended parental leave off work to take care of the baby, but he'd be back in a month or so. Eddie missed having him around the station but loved coming home to a full house; loved watching Buck as a dad; loved every single moment with his family.</p>
<p>Buck was on the phone in the living room; Eddie could hear snippets of the conversation. He guessed it was something to do with the trial, though they hadn't been paying too much attention to it. Maria was nearly six months old, and she and Christopher took up all of their attention. He didn't care too much that Jennifer Smith – that was her real name – was about to go to prison for the rest of her miserable life.</p>
<p>Buck returned to the nursery, Carla trailing behind. "I'm here to take over," she said to Eddie, holding her arms out. "Let me have a look at this beautiful girl."</p>
<p>Eddie stood, carefully passing her over to Carla, who took his vacated seat in the rocking chair. "You want to stay for dinner?" he asked her.</p>
<p>"What are you having?"</p>
<p>"Roast chicken," Buck said from the doorway.</p>
<p>Carla laughed good-naturedly. "Then I'll stay. Sounds lovely."</p>
<p>"We'll be back in a sec," Buck said to her, gesturing for Eddie to follow him down the hallway to the kitchen. He pulled himself up onto the kitchen counter and grinned when Eddie slotted himself between his legs. "Okay. She's been found guilty on all charges – all of them. Athena said that the prosecution lawyers are going to head out on the town tonight to celebrate."</p>
<p>"Wow," he replied, impressed. "That's good."</p>
<p>"Yep. Athena said that Texas is looking to extradite her so she can face trial down there. Death penalty," he said meaningfully. "Apparently she threw a fit in the court today and they had to drag her out. They're doing the sentencing next week but it's looking like life imprisonment here, at least. There are other states lined up to put her on trial as well."</p>
<p>"Good," he said with satisfaction, shuddering as he remembered how she'd stared at him in the courtroom, those creepy eyes of hers fixated on his every move.</p>
<p>"So it's over," Buck said, resting his hands on Eddie's shoulders. "Relieved?"</p>
<p>"I am," he replied. "I kept thinking something would go wrong."</p>
<p>"Athena said their case was rock solid. She killed a lot of people." Buck gazed at him seriously. "We were really lucky, you know… I don't know why she took pity on you but I'm glad she did."</p>
<p>"I think she thought I'd die before you got there, and then… what a slap to the face for you," he replied, "finding me dead. I think that was the goal."</p>
<p>"Well, she underestimated you."</p>
<p>"She underestimated how fast you can drive from LA to Big Bear," Eddie corrected, and Buck grinned at him. "Seriously though, we are never going there, ever again."</p>
<p>"No, never. Fuck that place." Buck pressed his forehead to Eddie's, stroking the sides of his neck with his thumbs. "Only good things from here on out for us."</p>
<p>"Only the best things," Eddie murmured. "I love you, Mr Diaz."</p>
<p>"I love you too, Mr Diaz."</p>
<p>"Couldn't have done it without you."</p>
<p>"No, you really couldn't have," Buck agreed. He was laughing when Eddie closed the gap to kiss him sweetly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>-the end-</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, that's it - I hope you guys have enjoyed! Thank you so much for all your comments. 🥰</p>
<p><i>And they lived happily ever after...</i> ❤</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://youtu.be/BJs_L7yq5qE">Cheap Trick - I Want You to Want Me</a>
</p><p> </p><p>Find me @ Tumblr: <a href="https://woodchoc-magnum.tumblr.com/">woodchoc-magnum</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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